Keepers https://youtu.be/ltwUe7Kebqs Red Flags! 🚩https://youtu.be/mMrbcomCdk4 Why “Fake” Nice Guys Get Rejected https://youtu.be/AjzfiGxTAz0
Men’s Resources
FREE INSTANT CONFIDENCE CHEATSHEET: https://wingmam.com/icf/ DOUBLE YOUR ONLINE DATING TRAINING (ONLY $10 for a limited time!): https://wingmam.com/dyod/ WakeUP2Luv GET AN AMAZING WOMAN! (“Life changing!” ~ Steve B.) https://members.wingmam.com/get-women/ ✅ Get Your Testosterone Checked! https://wingmam.com/blog/2020/02/10/fellas-do-you-have-low-testosterone/ (Use code: Wingmam20. If you use the link & code you get a 20% discount and I get a referral fee.) Hint: Healthy testosterone levels can contribute to confidence! 💥
Phrases That Turn Women On (& When NOT to Use Them)
There are certain subtle things men say that make women melt and the best part is these phrases that turn women on aren’t overtly sexual.
So, these can help trigger attraction whether you’ve just met her or you’ve been bumping nasties for years.
These are not pick up lines designed to get you a one night relationship, though they can certainly make you stand out from the other PUAs if you use them.
But the key is knowing when to use them and when to tuck them away for now.
Let’s Review!
Phrases That Turn Women On
I got this, bae/babe/baby/pet name if applicable.
Shows leadership, confidence and makes her feel taken care of.
Example
Buying something big or small.
Similar to, “I got this.”
Example
Stepping in to take care of an unpleasant conversation or situation, especially if you know she really doesn’t want to deal with it but is sucking it up because she thinks she has to (thanks to feminism).
You got this bae/babe/etc.
Shows you believe in her and her abilities.
Example
Encouraging her in asking for a promotion, going back to school, changing majors etc.
Affirms your attraction to her.
Most women will eventually wonder if you’re still attracted to them. She may start to wonder after a month, a year or ten years.
Say this first thing in the morning when she’s just woken up, got out of a shower, or has no makeup on. Or when you can see she’s made an effort.
You look extra beautiful/sexy today.
The words “extra” and “today” imply she always looks sexy but today—wow!
Trust me fellas, she will take note of this subtlety.
Women read everything between the lines, even things that aren’t there (as you know)!
How do you keep getting more beautiful?
Swoon!
You not only think she’s beautiful, you think she’s more beautiful.
Again, this reassures her you’re not considering other options.
Despite what you might think positive affirmation not criticism is what keeps a keeper.
You might be thinking, “But Anna, you said not to compliment a woman on her physical beauty.”
No, I said start with non-physical compliments if she’s super attractive. Everyone tells her she’s beautiful.
Give her compliments she’s not used to getting that are uniquely flattering.
Watch my How to Compliment a Woman video again.
Once you’ve got her interested, you want to make her feel like what she gets from you she can’t get anywhere else—a self-respecting worthy man who appreciates all of her, mind, body and soul.
If you’ve been together awhile, might be time to review my How to Keep a Keeper Happy video so you don’t get lazy in a relationship.
Example
Same as previous example: when she’s made no effort or when she’s made extra effort or when she’s feeling generally low and needs a boost.
While men’s greater needs in a relationship is to be respected and desired, women’s is to feel loved and cherished.
Once you’ve advanced to the relationship stage, subtle public declarations like this definitely have a positive effect on her.
By publicly claiming her, she feels both loved and cherished.
Example
She’s with a group of females friends and you approach with the greeting, “Hello, my Love.”
Her heart will skip a beat knowing you’ve staked your claim in front of other women, essentially letting them know your heart is taken.
You will get some good loving later!
Similarly to, “My Love,” claiming a woman by calling her your woman sends a signal of commitment and dedication.
When to use?
Anytime you greet her, whether others are around. More details in video.
When not to use?
If she’s a feminist (or wants her girl friends to think she is), then she may prefer you save this phrase for when you’re in private or not use it at all.
Now, let’s look at when not to use these phrases and then I’ll give you a quick bonus tip on how to deliver these phrases to ramp up their impact.
When NOT to Use
When you’re trying to get out of doing something she wants you to do or you’ve been caught doing a naughty, like fibbing—unless the fib is so small and obvious it could be comical.
Essentially, never use these when there’s something in it for you! They will come off as insincere and manipulative.
You messed up and need forgiveness.
You want something from her—a favour, sex etc
Example
She says, “Did you just check out that girl?” You reply, “No way, I did not just check out that brunette in the red sweater because you are so beautiful there are no other women.”
The detail of your recollection and exaggeration make this fib so obvious as to be a tease.
But only if your girl isn’t super insecure. See emotionally damaged women video.
Make-Her-Juicy Bonus Tip
Say these phrases that turn all women on…
With a low, slow deep voice and when close to her—but within hearing range of those you’d like to hear—or near her ear, depending on the phrase used and situation (if others are around).
The reverberation of your voice and your close proximity will send shivers right down to her … toes! 😉
And if you want to know the character traits all women love and any man can develop, you definitely want to watch my What Makes a Real Man to Her video series.
I get asked the question why do nice guys get rejected by both “good men” and “nice guys.”
What’s the difference?
Before I share my answer, first ask yourself these questions…
Do you:
Find it difficult to disagree with people, especially women?
Avoid conflict even when you actually want to speak up?
Have trouble asking for what you want because you think it’ll inconvenience or displease someone?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be a “nice guy.”
“Nice Guy” Definition
For the purpose of this topic, we’re going to redefine the word “nice” to mean “too nice.”
A more appropriate title is why do guys who are too nice finish last?
But y’all fellas are searching the term: why do nice guys get rejected, so this title will reach a lot more guys who need it.
When I refer to niceness, I’m not referring to kindness or decency.
I’m basing the definition off of Dr. Robert Glover’s book, No More Mr. Nice Guy.
If you’ve ever been called a nice guy in a derogatory way, this vlog will help you understand why that is, why it’s not benefiting you and answer the question: why do nice guys get rejected.
BetterHelp
Since I can’t clone myself, I’ve been looking for an affordable coaching or counselling resource for you and discovered BetterHelp.
So, if you know for sure that being too nice is having a negative impact on your life, this might be the place to start changing that.
BetterHelp offers online virtual therapy sessions through video, text messaging, or whatever you’re comfortable with and they’ll match you with a counsellor who is compatible with you.
Plus, they have weekly seminars on a range of topics, like anxiety.
Is there a nice guy who doesn’t have anxiety? Exactly.
If you sign up with BetterHelp you’ll get 10% off your first month by using this link: https://betterhelp.com/wingmam
Please note: If you do sign up, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you and they are more affordable than what I can offer.
Plus, they have a chatroom so you can meet others who are in the same boat as you and learn from and support each other.
Not only that but they offer financial aid to help you get started!
But for now let’s answer the question why do nice guys get rejected…
Nice Guy Good Traits
Guys who are nice tend to be super reliable, always show up, and can be counted on to help, which are all great traits, but…
Too Nice Guy Less Great Traits
…what makes these nice guy traits not great is that they have a selfish, hidden agenda.
Example
Guys who are too nice who are super reliable always show up and can be counted on but it’s because they’re seeking validation or attention, or they want something in return.
Whereas, a genuinely nice guy is reliable because doing so feels good and aligns with his values.
There is no hidden expectation of something in return.
There’s no covert contact the other person is unaware of.
Key point!
The difference a true nice guy and a too nice guy is in the intention behind your actions.
Only you can know what your true intentions are.
Have you ever done something for a girl with the expectation of something in return without actually asking for that thing?
If you answered “yes” (or even “maybe”) you might be a “too nice” guy.
There’s a Wingmam Litmus Test you can use to help you figure out if your intentions are altruistic or selfish, which I’ll share in a bit.
But here’s a hint:
If you find yourself feeling resentful of the amount of time, resources or attention you give a woman (or anyone else) because you’re not getting enough back in return but you’re not communicating your needs or desires, then you are displaying the insincere behaviours of a “too nice” guy.
Key point!
Women can feel your inauthenticity even if they aren’t consciously aware of it.
Being fake is an expression of insecurity, which is a turnoff to women.
Also, even though guys who are too nice are often people pleasers, they tend to have underlying feelings of anger, resentment and frustration about giving and not getting what they think they deserve back.
“Too nice” guys have an unspoken expectation of how they should be treated but because they expect others to either be like them or to be mind-readers and they don’t want to upset a woman for fear of losing a potential girlfriend, they don’t explicitly communicate their feelings and needs.
This can lead to passive aggressive behaviours.
Example
You may be angry at a girl for not liking you even though you’ve done lots of nice things for her.
Meanwhile, she thought you were doing nice things because you’re her friend and that’s what friends do!
She didn’t know there was an “exchange of services” with you she’d agreed to.
Again, not sexy.
Addictions
Guys who are too nice also tend to have addictive personalities.
They often seek validation, fib or manipulate (instead of asking outright) and carry conscious or unconscious shame in several areas of their lives.
Example
You might be addicted to alcohol, drugs, video games, s-e-x, porn etc to avoid dealing with what’s really holding you back in life and love.
Guys who are too nice often go out of their way to impress women to gain validation, while at the same time feel an underlying sense of resentment toward women, especially if they don’t get the reaction they want.
As with all wounded humans, unhealthy personality traits and behaviours usually come from childhood or past painful experiences like rejection.
If this sounds like you, then you may have had a dominating parent, whether it was your father or mother. (My heart goes out to you.)
Guys who are too nice often either work extra hard to seem perfect (to avoid criticism because they feel fundamentally flawed and don’t want that to be discovered) or they feel the opposite way and project their brokenness by playing a victim role.
Either way, guys who are too nice don’t feel good enough.
Side note!
Guilt is feeling bad about a particular behaviour we chose; shame is feeling bad about who we are.
Example
You may want to do certain intimate (sexual) things in a relationship, but expect a girl to automatically know what those things are without you having to tell her.
Or, you may want certain things but not feel worthy of those things and not have the courage to ask for those needs to be met.
Key point!
Any emotionally healthy woman will get tired of having to be a mind-reader or of being punished for not being a mind-reader.
Along those lines, a guy who’s artificially too nice comes across as beta—not making decisions or leading because he’s afraid to make the wrong decision or suggest something that might displease her.
Example
Instead of saying, “I want to take you to such-and-such restaurant, wear a nice dress.”
He’ll say, “Where do you want to go? What do you feel like?”
He thinks it’s the right thing to do, but —
Key point!
Feminine women want masculine alpha men.
Alpha men take risks, make decisions and lead.
Alpha men get laid because alpha men take risks, make decisions and lead.
Women respect a man who can make decisions and lead and as I’ve mentioned in other videos—
Key point!
Respect precedes attraction.
When a guy who is too nice tries to be perfect for her, it comes across as inauthentic and fake.
And again, women feel that and it’s a turn off because she intuitively feels he can’t be trusted.
Key point!
Women’s primary need is to feel safe. That includes emotional safety. A woman can’t feel emotionally safe with a man she doesn’t trust.
She doesn’t know what she’d really be signing up for and she subconsciously wonders what else he’ll fib about or hide to save himself from conflict or appearing imperfect. #beta
Sometimes, guys who are too nice have female friends but they dote on them with a hidden agenda.
The Wingmam Litmus Test
If you want to know if you have a hidden agenda, like to make her your girlfriend, is to ask yourself if you’d still do that nice thing if she was 100% carpet munching lesbian.
Bam!
Why do nice guys get rejected or friend zoned or end up with dominating women they don’t really like?
Dr. Robert Glover says, If a man can’t stand up to a woman, he can’t stand up for a woman.
Women instinctively feel guys who are too nice can’t be trusted and are weak.
That’s why women test nice guys more than other guys.
Key point!
She’s looking for strength. The less backbone you show, the more she’ll test you.
The more you fail those tests by continuing to be too nice instead of calling her out on those tests, the less likely you’ll ever get out of the friend zone.
The good news is you can be a true nice guy while at the same time as having a back bone, express your own opinions and have the ability to make decisions and display leadership traits.
And when you can do that, you will have your choice of high value women.
Are you too nice? Has anyone called you a nice guy or a people pleaser in a negative way?
You’re not the only one and it’s not your fault.
But it is something you can choose to change.
If this post resonated strongly with you, I urge you to sign up with BetterHelp!
Remember, you get 10% off your first month by signing up with my link: https://betterhelp.com/wingmam
Phrases That Turn Women On (& When NOT to Use Them)
There are certain subtle things men say that make women melt and the best part is these phrases that turn women on aren’t overtly sexual.
So, these can help trigger attraction whether you’ve just met her or you’ve been bumping nasties for years.
These are not pick up lines designed to get you a one night relationship, though they can certainly make you stand out from the other PUAs if you use them.
But the key is knowing when to use them and when to tuck them away for now.
Let’s Review!
Phrases That Turn Women On
I got this, bae/babe/baby/pet name if applicable.
Shows leadership, confidence and makes her feel taken care of.
Example
Buying something big or small.
Similar to, “I got this.”
Example
Stepping in to take care of an unpleasant conversation or situation, especially if you know she really doesn’t want to deal with it but is sucking it up because she thinks she has to (thanks to feminism).
You got this bae/babe/etc.
Shows you believe in her and her abilities.
Example
Encouraging her in asking for a promotion, going back to school, changing majors etc.
Affirms your attraction to her.
Most women will eventually wonder if you’re still attracted to them. She may start to wonder after a month, a year or ten years.
Say this first thing in the morning when she’s just woken up, got out of a shower, or has no makeup on. Or when you can see she’s made an effort.
You look extra beautiful/sexy today.
The words “extra” and “today” imply she always looks sexy but today—wow!
Trust me fellas, she will take note of this subtlety.
Women read everything between the lines, even things that aren’t there (as you know)!
How do you keep getting more beautiful?
Swoon!
You not only think she’s beautiful, you think she’s more beautiful.
Again, this reassures her you’re not considering other options.
Despite what you might think positive affirmation not criticism is what keeps a keeper.
You might be thinking, “But Anna, you said not to compliment a woman on her physical beauty.”
No, I said start with non-physical compliments if she’s super attractive. Everyone tells her she’s beautiful.
Give her compliments she’s not used to getting that are uniquely flattering.
Watch my How to Compliment a Woman video again.
Once you’ve got her interested, you want to make her feel like what she gets from you she can’t get anywhere else—a self-respecting worthy man who appreciates all of her, mind, body and soul.
If you’ve been together awhile, might be time to review my How to Keep a Keeper Happy video so you don’t get lazy in a relationship.
Example
Same as previous example: when she’s made no effort or when she’s made extra effort or when she’s feeling generally low and needs a boost.
While men’s greater needs in a relationship is to be respected and desired, women’s is to feel loved and cherished.
Once you’ve advanced to the relationship stage, subtle public declarations like this definitely have a positive effect on her.
By publicly claiming her, she feels both loved and cherished.
Example
She’s with a group of females friends and you approach with the greeting, “Hello, my Love.”
Her heart will skip a beat knowing you’ve staked your claim in front of other women, essentially letting them know your heart is taken.
You will get some good loving later!
Similarly to, “My Love,” claiming a woman by calling her your woman sends a signal of commitment and dedication.
When to use?
Anytime you greet her, whether others are around. More details in video.
When not to use?
If she’s a feminist (or wants her girl friends to think she is), then she may prefer you save this phrase for when you’re in private or not use it at all.
Now, let’s look at when not to use these phrases and then I’ll give you a quick bonus tip on how to deliver these phrases to ramp up their impact.
When NOT to Use
When you’re trying to get out of doing something she wants you to do or you’ve been caught doing a naughty, like fibbing—unless the fib is so small and obvious it could be comical.
Essentially, never use these when there’s something in it for you! They will come off as insincere and manipulative.
You messed up and need forgiveness.
You want something from her—a favour, sex etc
Example
She says, “Did you just check out that girl?” You reply, “No way, I did not just check out that brunette in the red sweater because you are so beautiful there are no other women.”
The detail of your recollection and exaggeration make this fib so obvious as to be a tease.
But only if your girl isn’t super insecure. See emotionally damaged women video.
Make-Her-Juicy Bonus Tip
Say these phrases that turn all women on…
With a low, slow deep voice and when close to her—but within hearing range of those you’d like to hear—or near her ear, depending on the phrase used and situation (if others are around).
The reverberation of your voice and your close proximity will send shivers right down to her … toes! 😉
And if you want to know the character traits all women love and any man can develop, you definitely want to watch my What Makes a Real Man to Her video series.
Phrases That Turn Women On (& When NOT to Use Them)
There are certain subtle things men say that make women melt and the best part is these phrases that turn women on aren’t overtly sexual.
So, these can help trigger attraction whether you’ve just met her or you’ve been bumping nasties for years.
These are not pick up lines designed to get you a one night relationship, though they can certainly make you stand out from the other PUAs if you use them.
But the key is knowing when to use them and when to tuck them away for now.
Let’s Review!
Phrases That Turn Women On
I got this, bae/babe/baby/pet name if applicable.
Shows leadership, confidence and makes her feel taken care of.
Example
Buying something big or small.
Similar to, “I got this.”
Example
Stepping in to take care of an unpleasant conversation or situation, especially if you know she really doesn’t want to deal with it but is sucking it up because she thinks she has to (thanks to feminism).
You got this bae/babe/etc.
Shows you believe in her and her abilities.
Example
Encouraging her in asking for a promotion, going back to school, changing majors etc.
Affirms your attraction to her.
Most women will eventually wonder if you’re still attracted to them. She may start to wonder after a month, a year or ten years.
Say this first thing in the morning when she’s just woken up, got out of a shower, or has no makeup on. Or when you can see she’s made an effort.
You look extra beautiful/sexy today.
The words “extra” and “today” imply she always looks sexy but today—wow!
Trust me fellas, she will take note of this subtlety.
Women read everything between the lines, even things that aren’t there (as you know)!
How do you keep getting more beautiful?
Swoon!
You not only think she’s beautiful, you think she’s more beautiful.
Again, this reassures her you’re not considering other options.
Despite what you might think positive affirmation not criticism is what keeps a keeper.
You might be thinking, “But Anna, you said not to compliment a woman on her physical beauty.”
No, I said start with non-physical compliments if she’s super attractive. Everyone tells her she’s beautiful.
Give her compliments she’s not used to getting that are uniquely flattering.
Watch my How to Compliment a Woman video again.
Once you’ve got her interested, you want to make her feel like what she gets from you she can’t get anywhere else—a self-respecting worthy man who appreciates all of her, mind, body and soul.
If you’ve been together awhile, might be time to review my How to Keep a Keeper Happy video so you don’t get lazy in a relationship.
Example
Same as previous example: when she’s made no effort or when she’s made extra effort or when she’s feeling generally low and needs a boost.
While men’s greater needs in a relationship is to be respected and desired, women’s is to feel loved and cherished.
Once you’ve advanced to the relationship stage, subtle public declarations like this definitely have a positive effect on her.
By publicly claiming her, she feels both loved and cherished.
Example
She’s with a group of females friends and you approach with the greeting, “Hello, my Love.”
Her heart will skip a beat knowing you’ve staked your claim in front of other women, essentially letting them know your heart is taken.
You will get some good loving later!
Similarly to, “My Love,” claiming a woman by calling her your woman sends a signal of commitment and dedication.
When to use?
Anytime you greet her, whether others are around. More details in video.
When not to use?
If she’s a feminist (or wants her girl friends to think she is), then she may prefer you save this phrase for when you’re in private or not use it at all.
Now, let’s look at when not to use these phrases and then I’ll give you a quick bonus tip on how to deliver these phrases to ramp up their impact.
When NOT to Use
When you’re trying to get out of doing something she wants you to do or you’ve been caught doing a naughty, like fibbing—unless the fib is so small and obvious it could be comical.
Essentially, never use these when there’s something in it for you! They will come off as insincere and manipulative.
You messed up and need forgiveness.
You want something from her—a favour, sex etc
Example
She says, “Did you just check out that girl?” You reply, “No way, I did not just check out that brunette in the red sweater because you are so beautiful there are no other women.”
The detail of your recollection and exaggeration make this fib so obvious as to be a tease.
But only if your girl isn’t super insecure. See emotionally damaged women video.
Make-Her-Juicy Bonus Tip
Say these phrases that turn all women on…
With a low, slow deep voice and when close to her—but within hearing range of those you’d like to hear—or near her ear, depending on the phrase used and situation (if others are around).
The reverberation of your voice and your close proximity will send shivers right down to her … toes! 😉
And if you want to know the character traits all women love and any man can develop, you definitely want to watch my What Makes a Real Man to Her video series.
So, as you may have noticed, I started a follow up campaign for those who’d signed up to get my (free) Instant Confidence Cheatsheet but hadn’t taken advantage of my other programs (Unshakeable Confidence System, Double Your Online Dating Training, WakeUP2Luv Get a Girlfriend Program).
You got one (or several) of these emails by accident and I apologize for that!
I care about each and every one of my subscribers and heartfelt appreciate you being here and reading my blogs and watching my videos.
At the same time, I know know know my programs help men achieve their love (and life) goals and sometimes a man who wasn’t ready in the past may be now. I don’t want him to miss out.
I received several emails of thanks from men who’ve found their special someone after completing one or more of my programs (Yay for them!); as well as a few emails from fellas wanting to know how to gift a program to a friend (great friend!).
But I also got some understandably disappointed emails and I absolutely loathe being the cause of bad feelings in others.
I never want anyone to feel like a number. Ever.
So, again, if this was you, I sincerely apologize.
Instead of sending general follow up emails, I’ll be adding a simple blurb about program options to footer of my regular weekly blog.
That way you can just skip that bit if it’s not applicable for you.
So, that’s all. Just wanted to put this out there.
Thank you so much for reading my blogs and watching my videos!
Have a wonderful week, thanks for sticking around and God bless you!
Knowing how to tease a girl (or a woman) without offending her requires knowing this one thing about the tease, because if you mess up a tease you could get punched in the gonads. Metaphorically, that is.
Now that I’ve got your attention, and since no man wants to get crotch bopped, whether actually or metaphorically, you really want to know how tease a girl the right way.
Right?
And just incase you’re still not sure, let’s reiterate that teasing a girl in the wrong way will have her walking away with a bad feeling toward you.
That sucks.
But teasing a girl the right way will make her blush and grin just thinking about you.
Like, all day.
And you do like that.
Bueno, baby!
General Teasing Tips
Specific Tease Tip 😉
I said it once, I’ll say it again: You deserve to be loved.
#TrueStory.
Your Creator didn’t put you here to be single and suffering.
But, as My Little Mom (RIP) used to say, “God helps those who help themselves.”
(She also said that God doesn’t create junk! Yes, this means you.)
And, guess what else? You don’t have to believe in God for my dating advice to work for you!
❤ Good news! I can help you get a girlfriend — wait, not just a girlfriend, but your dream girl.
If you’re ready to take it to warp speed to find, attract and keep your special sweetheart, remember that you didn’t land on my site by accident!
Free Dating Advice for Shy Guys & Introverts that ALL Men will Benefit From:
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Click: DOUBLE YOUR ONLINE DATING TRAINING! Click: HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND. GUARANTEED.
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Follow Wingmam’s dating advice and soon you’ll be cuddled up on the couch chillin’ ‘n Netflix’in with your soulmate — no more Hands Solo! 😉 You got this.
Thanks so much for being here in the world with me!
xo AJ
Founder of Wingmam, Lover of Love, Your 2nd Biggest Fan 😉
Um, yeah, here’s the fine print:
DISCLAIMER: Anna is not a psychiatrist—no way—or medical advisor—nope—you are responsible for your actions and the results thereof. Such is life.
We’d agreed to meet at a lounge-y—uh, well—lounge near my residence at the time.
It was raining.
I walked over to the venue only a few blocks away as the rain squished the traffic exhaust fumes into the greasy pavement.
The air was fresh, refreshing.
It was a Thursday at 5:00pm, so the venue was almost empty when I arrived and my date was easy to spot at the bar.
He stood as I walked toward him while shaking out my umbrella. He stuck out his hand to shake mine, but I swooped in for a hug instead. I’m a hugger.
“Oh, look how handsome you are!” I said. “This is a nice surprise. Not that your photos weren’t good, but you know.”
Just the Tip Mid-Story Takeaway:
So many people on dating sites/app post misleading photos! Knock it off!
Back to the 50 First Dates Story…
It was too dark to see if he blushed, but he looked down and away while trying to refrain from smiling at the unexpected compliment.
I quickly learned this was his auto response to compliments, which was endearing.
Humble: Check.
After the host took us to our table, I slid into the booth seat (facing the venue) while he sat in the chair opposite me (with his back to the venue).
Seating arrangements are significant. Details to follow.
Meanwhile, the chair he sat on sank under his weight and then sat with his head level much below mine.
“Let’s switch sides,” I offered and he accepted.
Both our actions are significant. Details soon, I promise.
I’ll skip the specifics—we were together three hours—but will point out the important stuff that you care about—or should if you want to be successful in love.
I had one glass of wine. He had three beers. (Three hours, remember.)
We shared a charcuterie (fancy name for: cheeses, meats and accompaniments). We chatted.
He told me “his story” (sorry, confidential), but it wasn’t unlike many I’d heard, maybe even yours, including “looking for the right one.” (Significant.)
“My story” included how I’d taken a relationship sabbatical but was ready to date again, though with a disclaimer: “The next guy to bed this gal, weds this gal—I’m not interested in casual sex.” (This gets a hesitant chuckle and a raised eyebrow.)
I changed topic: “What would you do if you won $10,000,000?” (Significant.)
He replied immediately, snapping his fingers for emphasis: “I’d quit my job and travel.” (I raised my eyebrow.)
At the finish of the evening, he offered to walk me home, but I declined—significant—so we hugged and I told him I had a good time and would like to see him again.
Which was my bad. Why? Because … I regretted it as soon as I said it.
I did enjoy his company, but.
But.
I did not want to kiss him, and he was my first real fake date, after all.
I had another 49 fellas to date, and at that time, I was willing to set aside exactly three hours a week for a Plus One.
Most men that are looking for long-term love want a bit more than a few hours a week with a “no texting—I loathe texting” condition attached, and since I’m not casual sex gal … well, I shouldn’t have said I’d like to see him again.
(Even though I was following my own dating rule: Don’t write off Mr. Potential Right just because you don’t want to get naked with him immediately.)
Significant 1st of 50 First Dates Takeaways:
Genuine modesty is attractive.
A woman feels more secure facing the crowd and men have fewer distractions (hot-ass servers, sports TVs, etc).
However, when the man is “below” her—physically—it takes away from his masculine confidence, in both the woman’s and man’s perceptions. Swap seats.
Booze: keep a level head.
Intoxication is not sexy. First impressions!
Ok, if you’re a (motor)biker, rocker or … nope, that’s it. If you’re a biker or rocker, drink whatever the F you want. But don’t get shit-hammered. Still not attractive.
Fellas: even though one per hour is within the legal limit for a lot of guys (people), best keep it to two to three maximum over the entire date. Maximum! Yes, you’re nervous. So is she. Deal with it. Sober.
If a gal tells you right off that her “clam” isn’t open for business without a commitment, believe her.
If you’re looking to settle down without settling you want a woman with respectable standards.
The 10 mil question is a classy way of finding out if the man must work and/or enjoys his work.
Relevance: If he hates his work, why’s he still doing it? Fear? Security? Lack of options? Lack of creativity? etc
The answer says a million different things about the person. Try it, you’ll see.
Walking (or driving) a gal home is a gentle way to tell if she wants more of your company and can be a signal from her as to whether or not you should attempt to kiss her.
As noted in my last blog, it’s ok to not kiss on the first date.
If there’s mutual interest, her lips will be there next time.
If not, you haven’t shared spit with a stranger.
In Summary
You may need to go on 50 first dates or 100. I ain’t gonna fib, online dating is work.
Online dating is like dumpster diving for diamonds. If you’re diligent, you might discover a gem amongst the rubbish.
In my next 50 First Dates update, I’ll let y’all in on my second first date with Slouching Stargazer.
Stay tuned!
xo AJ
In the meantime, consider my WakeUP2Luv program, it’ll help you become the kind of man who naturally wins the respect of women, peers and most importantly – himself.
Or start with the basics of online dating with my uber affordable Double Your Online Dating training.
Extras!
Double Your Online Dating program Age Difference
Online Dating During Covid
Initiate Touch on a 1st Date 36 Interesting Questions to Ask
When to Kiss Her
Since my $10 million question maybe made you wonder if all women are money grubbing gold diggers…
Here’s a short playlist on understanding women’s nature aka #hypergamy to consider:
What Do Women REALLY Want in a Man? (12 PROVEN Traits!) 2021
Make Her Want You More and MORE! (12+TIPS!) 2021
Stop Being TOO Nice! (How to Stop Being Too Nice to Her) 2021
Understand Women’s Nature
Why do Women Like Men with Money? #hypergamy (Dating Advice for Shy Guys 2021)
Why do women like men with power or social status? #hypergamy (Dating Advice for Shy Guys)
We’d agreed to meet at a lounge-y—uh, well—lounge near my residence at the time.
It was raining.
I walked over to the venue only a few blocks away as the rain squished the traffic exhaust fumes into the greasy pavement.
The air was fresh, refreshing.
It was a Thursday at 5:00pm, so the venue was almost empty when I arrived and my date was easy to spot at the bar.
He stood as I walked toward him while shaking out my umbrella. He stuck out his hand to shake mine, but I swooped in for a hug instead. I’m a hugger.
“Oh, look how handsome you are!” I said. “This is a nice surprise. Not that your photos weren’t good, but you know.”
Just the Tip Mid-Story Takeaway:
So many people on dating sites/app post misleading photos! Knock it off!
Back to the 50 First Dates Story…
It was too dark to see if he blushed, but he looked down and away while trying to refrain from smiling at the unexpected compliment.
I quickly learned this was his auto response to compliments, which was endearing.
Humble: Check.
After the host took us to our table, I slid into the booth seat (facing the venue) while he sat in the chair opposite me (with his back to the venue).
Seating arrangements are significant. Details to follow.
Meanwhile, the chair he sat on sank under his weight and then sat with his head level much below mine.
“Let’s switch sides,” I offered and he accepted.
Both our actions are significant. Details soon, I promise.
I’ll skip the specifics—we were together three hours—but will point out the important stuff that you care about—or should if you want to be successful in love.
I had one glass of wine. He had three beers. (Three hours, remember.)
We shared a charcuterie (fancy name for: cheeses, meats and accompaniments). We chatted.
He told me “his story” (sorry, confidential), but it wasn’t unlike many I’d heard, maybe even yours, including “looking for the right one.” (Significant.)
“My story” included how I’d taken a relationship sabbatical but was ready to date again, though with a disclaimer: “The next guy to bed this gal, weds this gal—I’m not interested in casual sex.” (This gets a hesitant chuckle and a raised eyebrow.)
I changed topic: “What would you do if you won $10,000,000?” (Significant.)
He replied immediately, snapping his fingers for emphasis: “I’d quit my job and travel.” (I raised my eyebrow.)
At the finish of the evening, he offered to walk me home, but I declined—significant—so we hugged and I told him I had a good time and would like to see him again.
Which was my bad. Why? Because … I regretted it as soon as I said it.
I did enjoy his company, but.
But.
I did not want to kiss him, and he was my first real fake date, after all.
I had another 49 fellas to date, and at that time, I was willing to set aside exactly three hours a week for a Plus One.
Most men that are looking for long-term love want a bit more than a few hours a week with a “no texting—I loathe texting” condition attached, and since I’m not casual sex gal … well, I shouldn’t have said I’d like to see him again.
(Even though I was following my own dating rule: Don’t write off Mr. Potential Right just because you don’t want to get naked with him immediately.)
Significant 1st of 50 First Dates Takeaways:
Genuine modesty is attractive.
A woman feels more secure facing the crowd and men have fewer distractions (hot-ass servers, sports TVs, etc).
However, when the man is “below” her—physically—it takes away from his masculine confidence, in both the woman’s and man’s perceptions. Swap seats.
Booze: keep a level head.
Intoxication is not sexy. First impressions!
Ok, if you’re a (motor)biker, rocker or … nope, that’s it. If you’re a biker or rocker, drink whatever the F you want. But don’t get shit-hammered. Still not attractive.
Fellas: even though one per hour is within the legal limit for a lot of guys (people), best keep it to two to three maximum over the entire date. Maximum! Yes, you’re nervous. So is she. Deal with it. Sober.
If a gal tells you right off that her “clam” isn’t open for business without a commitment, believe her.
If you’re looking to settle down without settling you want a woman with respectable standards.
The 10 mil question is a classy way of finding out if the man must work and/or enjoys his work.
Relevance: If he hates his work, why’s he still doing it? Fear? Security? Lack of options? Lack of creativity? etc
The answer says a million different things about the person. Try it, you’ll see.
Walking (or driving) a gal home is a gentle way to tell if she wants more of your company and can be a signal from her as to whether or not you should attempt to kiss her.
As noted in my last blog, it’s ok to not kiss on the first date.
If there’s mutual interest, her lips will be there next time.
If not, you haven’t shared spit with a stranger.
In Summary
You may need to go on 50 first dates or 100. I ain’t gonna fib, online dating is work.
Online dating is like dumpster diving for diamonds. If you’re diligent, you might discover a gem amongst the rubbish.
In my next 50 First Dates update, I’ll let y’all in on my second first date with Slouching Stargazer.
Stay tuned!
xo AJ
In the meantime, consider my WakeUP2Luv program, it’ll help you become the kind of man who naturally wins the respect of women, peers and most importantly – himself.
Or start with the basics of online dating with my uber affordable Double Your Online Dating training.
And!
Since my $10 million question maybe made you wonder if all women are money grubbing gold diggers…
Here’s a short playlist on understanding women’s nature aka #hypergamy to consider:
What Do Women REALLY Want in a Man? (12 PROVEN Traits!) 2021
Make Her Want You More and MORE! (12+TIPS!) 2021
Stop Being TOO Nice! (How to Stop Being Too Nice to Her) 2021
Understand Women’s Nature
Why do Women Like Men with Money? #hypergamy (Dating Advice for Shy Guys 2021)
Why do women like men with power or social status? #hypergamy (Dating Advice for Shy Guys)
Why you need to know how to get a girlfriend in 2021…Loneliness and depression are linked to shortened life span!
Though, the good news about a shortened life span is not having to endure said lonely life quite as long. Ugh.
Loneliness was at epidemic proportions even before the pandemic, which only served to amplify it.
We are more digitally connected but less emotionally connected than ever before. We lean on unfulfilling online moments of interaction as a poor substitute for real (life) connection.
But you don’t have to make eternal single hood your story.
You can change your story!
You are the writer and director of your own personal movie and you are the star.
If you don’t like the role you’re playing, it’s time to edit the script.
You can learn how to get a girlfriend in 2021 and have a happy ending (dual meaning). 😉
Just before we get into the framework for how to get a girlfriend in 2021, let’s do a super quick review of the science of attraction.
Science of Attraction
The science of attraction has three stages—
Lust — Give it to me, baby! (aka intense physical/sexual attraction)
Romance — I want to know everything about you! (aka intense romantic/emotional attraction)
Attachment — Deep and meaningful long term bonding.
I’ve always said the difference between infatuation and true love is time.
Now, let’s look at how these play out in how to get a girlfriend.
Framework for How to Get a Girlfriend in 2021
The framework for getting your dream girl and ditching loneliness has five parts—
Your Dealmakers
Her Dealmakers
Attract and engage
Create rapport
Build the relationship
Your Dealmakers
In order to get an amazing girlfriend of your dreams, you need to know what that looks like.
Key point! A successful (happy) relationship is not based on physical attraction alone.
Sure, physical attraction is a component, but you need to figure out what personality qualities and characteristics are most important to you, as well.
Figuring out your dealmakers includes figuring out your deal breakers.
Knowing your top five must have’s in your ideal mate helps you stay on the path to true love and avoid women who make you stand at attention but whose character traits suck.
I suggest narrowing it down to five so you don’t get too picky and so you know what to look for.
My WakeUP2Luv program provides a process for how to figure out what your real top 5 dealmakers are.
They are often not what you think they are. (No wonder you’ve chosen poorly in the past!)
Her Dealmakers
Once you figure out your dealmakers (and dealbreakers), then you’ve got to know what hers are.
You might be an amazing man, but if you don’t have the qualities your dream girl is looking for, she might not want what you’re selling (hint: you are the product!).
Again, my WakeUP2Luv program goes into more details of how to figure this out and helps you determine which so-called flaws are worth working on and which ones to embrace.
Attract and Engage
Before you can move into the attract and engage stage, you must have a base knowledge and understanding of what women respond to.
Women will tell you all kinds of things they think they want, but here’s the thing—most women don’t understand their own needs.
Example:
What they say they want: A nice guy. (But they reject all the nice guys!)
What they really want: A guy with a backbone who’s not a cat butt (a-hole)!
You need to know what women unconsciously and automatically respond to—her basic instincts! (Minus the ice pick.)
Learning the “street smarts” of modern dating helps you navigate the dating jungle—or forest, as I like to call it.
When you learn to understand women better than they understand themselves—and yes, it can be done—you’ll be able to naturally engage with them and that relaxed confidence is ultra alluring to women.
And again, my WakeUP2Luv program has a full module on understanding the fundamentals of women’s true needs.
Create Rapport
When you understand women’s needs, such as physical and emotional safety, you’ll be able to create rapport instantly and naturally, because …
…when you go out of your way to make her feel safe, she’ll feel drawn to you in a way she doesn’t even understand.
She’ll feel comfortable and unguarded, not anxious to retreat to safety like she does with other guys.
This allows her to open up to you and you can literally talk about almost anything and have the same positive effect on her — increased attraction and curiosity about you!
Example:
Stand slightly sideways, not directly in front of her, head tilted a bit, not blocking her from the exit.
After establishing rapport, it’s way easier to move into the next stage because it’s simply the next natural step.
Building a Relationship
In the beginning stages, you’re getting to know each other and if you did the earlier steps of figuring out your dealbreakers and dealmakers, then you’ll be vetting her as much as she should be vetting you but!—
Key point!
—you’ll be the one who’ll be setting the pace because her attraction to you will override her critical, cautious side.
When a woman is in a state of intense attraction, you have to watch for things that should be red flags to her but that her craving of you is causing her to ignore.
Remember, just because you can have a relationship with her doesn’t mean you should have a relationship with her, no matter how beautiful she is.
Example:
You don’t want kids for at least 10-15 years or maybe you don’t want kids at all and she wants to start a family STAT.
And even though you’ve made it clear that’s not an option and she says she can wait, she’s also got 10 Pinterest boards filled with baby stuff. And/or she’s 35+!
A woman doesn’t have to be toxic to not be right for you. Read that again.
Now, of course, one is perfect!
You’re not perfect and you shouldn’t be looking for a perfect woman (she doesn’t exist, anyway).
But knowing your Top 5 will help you avoid being too picky while also alerting you to the red flags you usually miss.
Key point! Like it or not, we learn the most about relationships while actually being in a relationships, not observing from the sidelines or even watching fun-ucational videos like mine. 😉
Now, what happens if you’ve never had a relationship? Stick with me, we’ll cover that in just a moment!
But first, what happens when things don’t work out?
Fall Down, Get Up
You’re going to stumble along the way.
This means once you’ve filtered and selected a potential right mate, it’s not automatically going to be easy.
Relationships require effort!
You can work really hard to get super fit but if you stop working out, your fitness level will decline. If you stop working on your relationship, the health of your relationship declines!
And when you’e in a relationship, it’s guaranteed your and her emotional baggage that you both—inevitably, Mr. Anderson— brought into the relationship, are going to get triggered.
If you want long term happiness in a relationship, you’ll have to learn how to “do” a relationship and work through some stuff together instead of ditching and running.
Yep, you guessed it! WakeUP2Luv helps you know what stuff!
Watch/read: How to Keep Her Happy.
For now, figure out:
What you want.
What the girl of your dreams wants.
How to understand her innate needs.
How to get comfortable around women.
And fix the areas of your life that need to be fixed the most that will benefit you the most regardless of anyone else.
If you’re not sure where to begin, I really encourage you to get my WakeUP2Luv program.
And if you’ve already done it, perhaps it’s time for a review! (After you’ve purchased it, it’s available to you as long as I’m Your Wingmam.)
So, how do you know what you really want in a girlfriend if you’ve never had one?
Let’s explore…
Never Had a Romantic Relationship
There’s no way you can see your own blindspots, never mind someone else’s, when you haven’t had the romantic relationship experience yet or if you’ve only had bad intimate relationships.
That’s why my WakeUP2Luv program has a process to help you figure out your blind spots even if you’ve never had a girlfriend or you’ve only had bad relationships.
You’ll discover what specific red flags you tend not to see, your blind spots.
And the best part of WakeUP2Luv is, if you do the homework:
Your life will change in a positive way
You’ll become naturally more confident with women (even the ones you used to feel intimidated by or were nervous around)
You’ll have to do a lot less to attract a lot more beautiful, high value women.
Your increased value will ooze right out of you and draw them in like bees to honey. (IF you do the work!)
When you have more choices you can filter out the throw-backs and choose between the keepers.
Watch/read: She’s a Keeper IF…
So, if ditching alone and lonely is something you’re interested in, get my WakeUP2Luv program and you’ll learn how to get a girlfriend in 2021!
Let me be your forest fairy! I’ll guide you through the dating jungle to the love meadow where the woman of your dreams is waiting for you.
The (Happy) End. 😉
Your Cheesy Coach Wingmam,
Anna
p.s. Quick shout out to Ross for the inspiration for this vlog!
My WakeUP2Luv program provides a process for how to figure out what your real top 5 dealmakers are.
