Acceptable Age Gap When Dating (2 Videos!)


What’s An Acceptable Age Gap When Dating?

Well, fellas, if you’ve ever wondered what’s an acceptable age gap when dating younger women, this update blog will help you out!

Provided she’s of legal age…

Short answer: Whatever works for you.

Long answer: It depends. Read on …

Factors Important to an Acceptable Age Gap

An acceptable age gap when dating depends on the chemistry, values, and long-term goals of both partners.

Since I work only with folks who are ready to settle down for the long haul without settling for the short stick, my views on ageism will apply as such.

If you’re interested in fooling around, testing ice cream flavours, or wanting a Sugar Baby or Sugar Daddy—nothing wrong with that—this post doesn’t apply to you.

Side note:

Unless you’ve longed all of your life for a football-team-sized family, I believe our 20s should be for testing ice cream flavours.

Even though many twenty-somethings long for lasting love, practicality (divorce rates) suggest you’re better off getting to know people—including (especially) yourself—before selecting your one and only. #WakeUP2Luv

If you’ve only tried vanilla, one day you gonna wonder what chocolate tastes like. (Or maybe strawberry—but then again, I am biassed.)

Long Term Love

But if you’re interested in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship, then the acceptable age gap of a potential partner is a reasonable consideration not necessarily a deal breaker.

One of the major considerations for someone ready to settle down is whether or not they want children.

If they do want children, then age can play a factor.

Age Gaps Matter When it Comes to Kids

This may be the biggest consideration when figuring out the acceptable age gap for you.

Examples

She’s in her…

  • 30s and wants kids or already has little ones from a previous relationship. He’s in his 50s. He’s got grown kids is done being a daddy.
  • 20s and wants kids but not for another 10 years. He’s in his mid 40s and wants to start a family a-sap. No go. End game.
  • 30s and wants kids STAT. He’s in his 40s and not sure about kids. First, he needs to get his second career off the ground.

End of story. End of romance. (Now, or later when it’s more painful.) Honey, you risking it big time.

OK, you get the idea.

What’s the rule about assessing a potential mate? Right, don’t go for potential!

No, she may not change her mind no matter how persuasive you think you can be.

And if she doesn’t and you’re now 55 and she’s left you for Bret because he’s young and fertile, how happy are you going to be?

Life is full of risk and reward. When it comes to love, only you can decide if she’s worth it.

Of course, people change their minds all the time.

I know of a woman who desperately wanted kids, and her partner didn’t.

And then he moved on to a new gal and bam! Babies be popping out like one of those automatic tennis ball shooting machines.

That’s life. It happens. Be glad it happened sooner than later.

Aside from wanting children, what other factors influence the acceptable age gap?

She worries he will …

  1. Die early leaving her sobbing in her Cab Sauv.
  2. Not want sex as far into their future as she thinks she will. (Tip: Get your testosterone checked!)
  3. Get diseased and need to be taken care of at a time when she still feels young.
  4. Let his physical condition slide and “get old” before she is ready to accept that fate.
  5. Lose cognitive capacities and they’ll lose the mental connection they had.

Guess what? These are all possibilities.

But it’s also possible she dies first. It happens.

It’s possible she will be the first to not want sex or to develop a disease, let her body go to pot, or lose mental connection.

We all know people who have suffered the result of these situations.

I know a couple who’ve been together for over 40 years. He’s 26 years older than she is.

They’re still in love. They still connect. I don’t know if they still have sex, but I’ll bet they have a deep intimacy, regardless.

And I’ll bet you know couples who are around the same age who don’t connect, aren’t in love, and don’t have sex (at least with each other).

AJ True Age Gap Story

My ex-husband is 16 years my senior.

He’s still the man to whom I set my what-a-good-man-is bar, even though we split up (largely) because he got lazy, and at the time, I didn’t know how to effectively inspire him to get un-lazy.

(He admits his part in losing my hand and is now happily remarried with someone he won’t take for granted. And I’m happy for him.)

Acceptable Age Gap Takeaways:

  1. Truly, age is just a number if you’re both over 30 or less than 10 years apart.
  2. As long as your beliefs, values and long-term goals are compatible, you’ve got as good a chance as anyone.
  3. You gotta know if you want (any/more) kids!

xo AJ

What To Talk About on a Second Date!


Project 50 First Dates—First 2nd Date!

Just before we get to what to talk about on a second date…

If you’re just tuning in, I did a 50 first dates project several years ago when I’d just started coaching.

We’re reviewing some of those real fake dates so you can learn from them!

Interestingly enough, First Date #1 (The G Man) who blew it after the first 1st date—details to follow—and then made a big recovery—hold your horses, I’ll get to it—ended up coming in as my first 2nd date.

You still with me?

Super!

So what do you talk about on a second date?

A quick recap…

The G Man was handsome but bashful with praise. He worked for the government and had no kids (at the time of our date).

I’d enjoyed his company but didn’t feel sexually attracted to him.

Update:

Not feeling an instant attraction is way more common for women to experience than men!

He’d originally blew it because I had to repeatedly remind him that I. detest. texting.

I know, it’s weird but it’s true. From my research most women looove to text-chat. (Not I.)

BTW, if there are any ladies reading this, a guy who’s interested will be text-chat attentive.

As far as I’m concerned, text is for information—time, location, direction—not conversation.

More on that in another blog post―for now back to The G Man.

He finally got that I no likey texty and respected my “no text-chat” request.

Wingmam motto reminder: Always leave them wanting more.

He’d asked me out again but by then I was busy with sad “family stuff.”

A while later, I had a slot to fill, *wink* and because he’d respected my no-text requests, I asked him on a “sort of” second date.

“Sort of” because I’d invited him to an event with the intention of setting him up with someone else. *Shrug* at least I had love intentions.

I met him at the event—significant—which was a book launch and signing for a girl friend’s first book—we’ll call her Sparkle.

The venue was abuzz with social energy and was insanely noisy.

I gave her a hug and whispered, “I brought you a present” and nod toward The G Man.

I introduced them and she subtlety gave him the once over with an approving twinkle in her eye while he glanced around the shop.

But she had books to sign and adorning fans to thank—significant—and I could tell he was overwhelmed by the bustle, so The G Man and I took an early leave to go next door for a coffee.

Significant bits:

  • I met The G Man at the event instead of having him pick me up to re-establish our friends-only relationship. Going “with” him sends a different message. I would’ve had to explicitly reject him as a romantic partner if I went with him. Men don’t speak hint.
  • As a loyal and trusty Wingmam, bringing The G Man to my friend’s event was a 5-star friend move—it allowed him to see her best self: looking sexy, being adored, juiced-up (energized), accomplished and happy.

At the coffee shop …

He knew I’d been out of town—sad, sad stuff; I’m okay now, thanks, though.

So what to talk about on a second date / not-date?

Death. 

He’d lost a loved one a couple years beforehand so the topic didn’t wig him out.

Do I recommend talking about death on a second date?

Sure. Go ahead, if—

  • you can hold yourself together without becoming a messy puddle
  • you’re not feeling needy, clingy or extra desperate because of it
  • the other person is comfortable with the topic

I expect most of you have either experienced someone having passed away or have developed some level of compassion from experiencing other past pains.

Serious topics—death, politics, religion, children/parenting, aging parents, money, and monogamy —can be good topics for what to talk about on a second date as long as you can weave some fun and playfulness into the conversation somewhere.

You’ll likely need to veer into another lighter topic to do this, but do. Too heavy is just too heavy!

At the same time, you want to settle down without settling, right?

Part of discovering whether or not you could nest with the person sitting in front of you is finding out where they stand on your seriously-need-to-be-considered topics.

You already know you like each other or you wouldn’t even be wondering what to talk about on a second date with her.

What to Talk About on a Second Date Takeaways:

  1. Even if you love texting, leave something to talk about in person.
  2. Uncomfortable conversations about loved ones “leaving this world” can fast-track intimacy—in-to-me-see. You’ll find out a lot more about the other person and whether you want to risk Date #3. Or leave it on the table. Hint: Don’t try to cover all the heavy topics on Date #2!
  3. Don’t do Date #2 at either of your residences. Lead thee not into temptation! Or awkwardness. Try to hold out until you know if you want to bump nasties long term, or you risk ignoring red flags.
  4. Second dates are a good time to start the weeding-out process by talking about touchy subjects that aren’t for touchy-feely-2nd-base activities. If you want to get into her for the long run, get to know her in the short run. (You’re batting average will go up if you can keep “it” down for now.)
  5. Never date anyone when you’re on the verge of a breakdown—it sets an unhealthy relationship dynamic. If you win the other person over, you’ll need to remain broken forever to keep them (and you) interested in the relationship.

Holy crap, this was a long, serious one.

Are you still here?

If yes, thank you. Really.

My first 2nd date summary …

Unfortunately, the conversation about death created too much intimacy for The G Man for me to wingmam him over to a much better match: my friend, Sparkle. Bad wingmam.

Note: I have these types of conversations with everyone/anyone; this particular conversation had no extra effect on me.

I’m no more attracted to The G Man than I was on our first real fake date.

Just because you’re attracted to her and feel a connection does not mean she feels the same way!

xo
AJ

If find yourself always in the friend zone instead of the end zone, get my WakeUP2Luv program and check out this playlist:

How To Flirt With Older Women [Video]


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How To Cherish Your Spouse To Make Them Feel Important


Reading Time: 5 minutes

Love, honor, and cherish are three words that we uttered during a marriage ceremony. But after years of marriage, some of us might even forget how to cherish our spouse. You might love your spouse, but did you really cherish them?

Cherishing your spouse means that you recognize their value and care for that person lovingly. You love them, protect them, adore them, and take care of them. You also respect, honor, and look up to that person.

When you cherish your spouse, you do not take them for granted. You show appreciation for the things they do. Trust me, if you keep doing these, you will have a healthy relationship that is filled with happiness, joy, and most importantly is love.

How To Make Your Spouse Feel Special

At the early stage of dating, when we’re getting to know each other, we often think about our lover. Our thoughts are fulfilled with the one we love and we always want to please them. We learn how to treat them better, how to make them feel happy, and how to make them feel loved.

Unfortunately, this romantic feeling started to fade away after years of marriage. Most of the reasons are because we get caught up with our daily life routine. We have kids to take care of, we busy with our careers, our works, and so much more.

Read: How Not To Be Selfish In A Marriage

When we’re too busy with our daily routine, we tend to forget that our spouse also needs our attention. They might not be showing it, but deep down in their heart, they want to know that you care about them and feel grateful to have them in your life.

The good news is, cherishing your spouse is something you can learn. And it doesn’t really take a lot of effort to make your spouse feel cherished. Even your small action will make their day.

So to give you some good ideas on how to cherish your spouse, here are the tips:

1# Compliment Your Spouse To Make Them Feel Valued

If you want to learn to cherish your spouse, start by changing the ways you treat them and demonstrate your love, care, and affection. One of the signs that your relationship is moving in the right direction is when your spouse acknowledges how you are brightening up their day.

And the easiest way to that is to give your spouse a compliment. Say something nice to them, something that can make your partner happy. To compliment effectively, focus on how they make you feel, and please do not exaggerate.

2# Give Meaningful Present

A gift is a tangible acknowledgment that your spouse is on your thoughts. Leaving the present with a little note can mean a lot. It doesn’t need to be expensive. You can give her anything as long as it is meaningful and sincere from your heart.

If you are not sure what to give to your partner, pay attention to the conversation. They might give you a hint about something they wanted. As an example, food that they would like to try, or things that they are interested in.

Also, don’t forget to write her some love notes in a place that easily discover. Your spouse will love the fact that you took the time to write those loving words for them.

3# Spend Quality Time Together

Take your spouse on a romantic weekend trip, no kids, just the two of you. You can plan the whole trip and surprise your spouse. Use this opportunity to spend quality time together, try to have some fun, and create wonderful memories that will last forever.

If you have some restrictions on traveling, you can just spend your quality time together at your home. It can be spent anywhere as long as both of you enjoying the time together, laugh together, and feel good around each other.

Read: What To Do If You Are Feeling Unappreciated In Your Marriage

Because the most important part of spending quality time together is, both of you can connect in a positive way and create a deeper connection. You can just have a drink together at home or camping in your own yard.

Acceptable Age Gap When Dating


What’s An Acceptable Age Gap When Dating?

Well, fellas, if you’ve ever wondered what’s an acceptable age gap when dating younger women, this update blog will help you out!

Provided she’s of legal age…

Short answer: Whatever works for you.

Long answer: It depends. Read on …

Factors Important to an Acceptable Age Gap

An acceptable age gap when dating depends on the chemistry, values, and long-term goals of both partners.

Since I work only with folks who are ready to settle down for the long haul without settling for the short stick, my views on ageism will apply as such.

If you’re interested in fooling around, testing ice cream flavours, or wanting a Sugar Baby or Sugar Daddy—nothing wrong with that—this post doesn’t apply to you.

Side note:

Unless you’ve longed all of your life for a football-team-sized family, I believe our 20s should be for testing ice cream flavours.

Even though many twenty-somethings long for lasting love, practicality (divorce rates) suggest you’re better off getting to know people—including (especially) yourself—before selecting your one and only. #WakeUP2Luv

If you’ve only tried vanilla, one day you gonna wonder what chocolate tastes like. (Or maybe strawberry—but then again, I am biassed.)

Long Term Love

But if you’re interested in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship, then the acceptable age gap of a potential partner is a reasonable consideration not necessarily a deal breaker.

One of the major considerations for someone ready to settle down is whether or not they want children.

If they do want children, then age can play a factor.

Age Gaps Matter When it Comes to Kids

This may be the biggest consideration when figuring out the acceptable age gap for you.

Examples

She’s in her…

  • 30s and wants kids or already has little ones from a previous relationship. He’s in his 50s. He’s got grown kids is done being a daddy.
  • 20s and wants kids but not for another 10 years. He’s in his mid 40s and wants to start a family a-sap. No go. End game.
  • 30s and wants kids STAT. He’s in his 40s and not sure about kids. First, he needs to get his second career off the ground.

End of story. End of romance. (Now, or later when it’s more painful.) Honey, you risking it big time.

OK, you get the idea.

What’s the rule about assessing a potential mate? Right, don’t go for potential!

No, she may not change her mind no matter how persuasive you think you can be.

And if she doesn’t and you’re now 55 and she’s left you for Bret because he’s young and fertile, how happy are you going to be?

Life is full of risk and reward. When it comes to love, only you can decide if she’s worth it.

Of course, people change their minds all the time.

I know of a woman who desperately wanted kids, and her partner didn’t.

And then he moved on to a new gal and bam! Babies be popping out like one of those automatic tennis ball shooting machines.

That’s life. It happens. Be glad it happened sooner than later.

Aside from wanting children, what other factors influence the acceptable age gap?

She worries he will …

  1. Die early leaving her sobbing in her Cab Sauv.
  2. Not want sex as far into their future as she thinks she will. (Tip: Get your testosterone checked!)
  3. Get diseased and need to be taken care of at a time when she still feels young.
  4. Let his physical condition slide and “get old” before she is ready to accept that fate.
  5. Lose cognitive capacities and they’ll lose the mental connection they had.

Guess what? These are all possibilities.

But it’s also possible she dies first. It happens.

It’s possible she will be the first to not want sex or to develop a disease, let her body go to pot, or lose mental connection.

We all know people who have suffered the result of these situations.

I know a couple who’ve been together for over 40 years. He’s 26 years older than she is.

They’re still in love. They still connect. I don’t know if they still have sex, but I’ll bet they have a deep intimacy, regardless.

And I’ll bet you know couples who are around the same age who don’t connect, aren’t in love, and don’t have sex (at least with each other).

AJ True Age Gap Story

My ex-husband is 16 years my senior.

He’s still the man to whom I set my what-a-good-man-is bar, even though we split up (largely) because he got lazy, and at the time, I didn’t know how to effectively inspire him to get un-lazy.

(He admits his part in losing my hand and is now happily remarried with someone he won’t take for granted. And I’m happy for him.)

Acceptable Age Gap Takeaways:

  1. Truly, age is just a number if you’re both over 30 or less than 10 years apart.
  2. As long as your beliefs, values and long-term goals are compatible, you’ve got as good a chance as anyone.
  3. You gotta know if you want (any/more) kids!

xo AJ

The One That Got Away #Heartbreak (2020)


Get Over “The One That Got Away”

Even though in the midst of the aftershock it can feel like you’ll never figure out how to heal from the one that got away, you can. I promise.

Heartbreak sucks, no two ways about it. I feel for you.

Whether we’re the one that left or the one that did the leaving or your sweetheart passed away, it takes time to heal a broken heart.

Yes, you read that right, if it was a breakup and she broke up with you, if she has any feelings whatsoever, she’ll feel bad about the breakup, too.

If you really think she doesn’t then find some small solace in knowing you’re no longer with a heartless cold fish.

Stages of Grief for The One That Got Away (/Passed Away)

You may go through these stages in order or out of order or you may dip in and out of them randomly.

There’s no wrong way to get over the one that got away except to give up.

So make the conscious choice to:

  1. Be gentle with yourself.
  2. Trust yourself to get through it.

The Stages of Grief

  1. Shock; denial
  2. Pain; guilt
  3. Anger; blame
  4. Negotiating
  5. Victim; depression
  6. Acceptance

These are all natural stages of getting over heartbreak!

In the video, I share what these stages look like in the real world as well as things you can do to help yourself heal and feel better.

As well, there’s a bonus tip for what to do if the one that got away got away a long time ago!

https://youtu.be/mVJs67FipSc

How to get confidence back after heartbreak?

There are plenty of things one can do to get confidence back, but the three in this video actually have a physiological effect on the body and brain that help us feel better when we most need a confidence boost.

Again, remember:

  1. Go easy on yourself.
  2. Heartbreak is natural and healthy.
  3. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be feeling it and that’s what sociopaths are made of. No es bueno.

Want More Wingmam? 😉

Here are some additional free resources for you.

INSTANT CONFIDENCE (Cheatsheet + special offer not available anywhere else revealed after sign-up!)

YouTube: WingmamTV

Not-Free NEXT STEPS IF YOU’RE SINGLE!

DOUBLE YOUR ONLINE DATING TRAINING! (Simple, quick and easy online course.)
HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND. GUARANTEED. (Intensive 6 week online course.)

Need to play the field before settling down again? Fair enough. In that case case, check “this” out!

Remember, “God helps those who help themselves.”

xo AJ

You’re going to be ok.


The fine print:

DISCLAIMER: Anna is not a psychiatrist—no way—or medical advisor—nope—you are responsible for your actions and the results thereof. Such is life.

Why Women Spread ‘em For Gerard Butler!


Aka How To Be More Confident With Women!

… aka How To Drive Women Wild With Desire & Passion … I’m writing this Gerard Butler blog for men in “man language.”

Dame Disclosure: Just in case there is a woman reading this, take heed: potentially offensive material ahead you may learn something from!

What is “man language”?

  • Short sentences. And paragraphs. (And blogs.) Like this.
  • Naughty quips laid out on the page. (You’re welcome. *wink*)
  • Get to the point-ism.

The Pointism …

What makes Gerard Butler Mr. Sexy Pants

His…

  1. Crooked grin. It’s lippy, as in cheeky/naughty/mysterious/smug/grr.
  2. Authenticity aka I-don’t-give-a-care-if-you-like-me-or-agree-with-me (but he’s not a dick about it).
  3. Erect posture (a purposeful word choice). Erect reads: confident, which leads me to …
  4. Confidence, and that kinda goes back to authenticity. He’s comfortable with who he is.
  5. Laugh—
    • is hearty and unapologetic, and
    • comes easily (probably like most of the ladies he’s been with).

Sure, Gerard Butler is a handsome devil—and rich and famous and blah blah blah—but!

There are plenty of other dudes who have good looks, money, and fame but are not all that sexy.

(The ladies are nodding, I assure you, gents.)

The good news is you don’t have to be Gerard Butler to get extra sexy points!

Just get good at the five things that make Mr. Butler deliciously appealing to women.

I’d eat that with a spoon. 😉

xo
AJ

p.s. If you want to get as confident as The Gerry, invest in my WakeUP2Luv program today!

WakeUP2Luv provides the step-by-step action plan to become your most confident you, reveals what women really want and how you can provide those qualities while remaining true to who you really are.

Yes, yes it does come with a money back guarantee! Glad you asked. 😉

In the meantime, here’s a short playlist on building confidence if you’re not at a Gerard Butler level of self-assurance:

Dating vs Courting (Updated Video)


Dating vs Courting (IS There a Difference??)

What’s the difference between dating vs courting in the modern dating world?

Though some cultures and religions have spiritual/religious views on courting vs dating, my take is more general and less traditional.

What’s your take on the difference between dating vs courting? Let me know in the comments (over yonder on YouTube)!

The Older Video on Dating vs Courting…

This gist of dating vs courting is: Are you swapping spit yet or not so much?

Watch to see what I mean!

The Newer Video on Dating vs Courting…

Going into more detail on the differences of dating vs courting, you’ll see the underlying theme is about intention.

A Quick #JustTheTip Overview:

  1. The intention of courting is more long term relationship oriented vs dating is about __.
  2. With courting, relationship intentions are disclosed up front vs dating isn’t.
  3. If courting, you know what you want (and don’t want) vs when dating you’re more likely to __.
  4. Courting is based on compatible values, beliefs, and goals vs dating is about __ boom chicka bam bam… 😉
  5. Courting is about vetting vs dating is about discovering.
  6. Oh my! Courting has limits and boundaries vs dating is … (refer back to boom chicka!)

Which is Better?

Well, that all depends on your personal relationship goals!

There are risks in dating vs courting no matter which way you go, so what the video to discover the risks and decide which is best for you!

https://youtu.be/Izax194ZiRo

If you’re ready to take it to warp speed to find, attract and keep your special sweetheart, remember that you didn’t land on my site by accident!

Free Dating Advice for Men

INSTANT CONFIDENCE (Cheatsheet + special offer not available anywhere else revealed after sign-up!)

YouTube Channel: WingmamTV

Not-Free Dating Advice for Shy Guys & Introverted Men aka YOUR NEXT STEPS IF YOU’RE SINGLE!

DOUBLE YOUR ONLINE DATING TRAINING! (Simple, quick and easy online course.)
HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND. GUARANTEED. (Intensive 6 week online course.)

New! THE 33 SECRETS TO ATTRACTING BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

Your Creator is your biggest fan and didn’t put you here to be shy, single and suffering. But, as My Little Mom (RIP) used to say, “God helps those who help themselves.”

Sir, you really do deserve to be loved.

To the very core of me I KNOW this to be true. It is the reason I do what I do.

And, guess what else?

You don’t have to believe in God for my dating advice to work for you.

Follow my dating advice and before you know it you’ll get a girlfriend and be cuddled up on the couch chillin’ ‘n Netflix’in with your soulmate — no more Hands Solo!

Thanks so much for being here in the world with me! For reals.

xo AJ

You got this.


Um, yeah, here’s the fine print:

DISCLAIMER: Anna is not a psychiatrist—no way—or medical advisor—nope—you are responsible for your actions and the results thereof. Such is life.

Project 50 First Dates — First Date #2: Slouchy Stargazer


My 2nd Official 1st Date for Project 50 First Dates

Many years ago when I’d just started coaching, I launched Project 50 First Dates, and was offering “real fake date” coaching options.

Like The G Man from First Date #1 (see blog), SS was another gentleman I was impressed by.

He had the balls to go on a real fake date, the openness and optimism to “see what happens” and the generosity to share and receive: his story and my real fake date feedback.

Bravo.

Let’s explore what happened and see if the advice I gave still applies in today’s dating scene!

Dating Site: Match.com

Age: late 40s
Kids: two—tween and teen(age)
Work: executive management

The first thing I liked about this man was that he respected my “loathe” of texting, IMing (instant messaging), emailing and so on. (Significant.)

He didn’t “bother” me all week prior to our date and I appreciated that he understood how busy I was.

He listened, heard and respected my needs!

I’d follow up with him the day of the date to confirm plans and we met at a fancy dessert house not too far from where I lived at the time.

The date was on a Saturday at 3:00pm, a great time to meet between restaurant lunch and dinner shifts so it’s not loud or busy.

Right away he got two points! (Don’t deny it, men love scoring! 😉 )

He…

  1. Was on time. Early in fact. Check. (But no need to be early without reason.)
  2. Sat with his back to the room. Check. (See last Project: 50 First Dates blog for significance.)

I walked up to him and greeted him; we shook hands.

Update:

Even in today’s #metoo era, I suggest asking if she’s “a hugger” as it’s always a good idea to break the appropriate touch barrier sooner than later.

I took off my coat and sat down across from him.

Right off, I placed my cell phone on the table face up and apologized, “I’m so sorry, but I’m waiting for a call from my banker that is urgent.”

Anyway, as I was providing my excuse for having my phone rudely out, he was already tucking his phone away in his pocket. Check.

Update:

When you’re on a first date, give your date your whole attention unless urgent and disclosed.

Urgent = sick kid at home or loved one in hospital or getting mortgage confirmation on place you’re buying. “Time is of the essence” type of stuff.

I ordered a decaf Americano and we agreed to share the cheese plate.

We shared stories and cheese but no cheesy stories.

He was a gentleman, but avoided eye contact and instead gazed off to the side Heavenward.

Also, he noticeably slouched and I had the feeling he felt the weight of the world despite his easy smile.

He asked me how I became a dating coach and I replied, “I got into the business after years of obsessive study, testing theories, practicing strategies, and fine tuning … but it wasn’t until I went on [dating site] and was sorely disappointed by the photos, write-ups and communications that I realized men need my help—95% of dating site profiles suck!”

He laughed and agreed. “Women’s aren’t so great, either.” (True!)

But he had a positive attitude about his last relationship, “The girls are handling it well, the split. I take them to school …”

I found out that he was only a few months out of a marriage and “not quite divorced” as in: “not even legally separated yet.”

“Ahhh,” I said, trying to recall if I read this disqualifier in his profile or if I’d missed it, “So, you’re really fresh meat!”

We both laughed.

I told l him not to be too quick to settle down again, “It’s okay to get out there and taste some different ice-cream flavours. Just don’t tell your girls until you’re divorced! They’ll tell mom, and she’ll make you pay.”

Update:

I sold real estate for 20 years. I saw a lot of divorces. When she finds out you’re moving on, she’s not all: “Oh, that’s cool, here let me be generous in our settlement so you can spend our money on your new sweetie.” #truth

This also applies to bitter fellas feeling hurt if she moves on first.

We talked for a couple hours, then took our leave.

He walked with me on my route home until we came to where he needed to go a different direction to his car.

He offered me a ride home (check), and I declined. Women always have safety first at the forefront of their minds.

We thanked each other and parted ways.

Later, he texted me asking for feedback on how he did on “attractiveness, first impression, personality?”

The Project 50 First Dates Takeaways:

  1. Don’t be afraid to ask for her preferences with regard to communication. Respecting a woman’s communication needs means knowing what they are.
  2. Know that dating sites are the first place single people who are “back on the market” go to get back into dating. Understanding this means asking the right questions before you meet—are you up for fresh meat?
  3. Be honest about your relationship status. You’ll have a better chance of meeting someone in the same place emotionally and not disappoint nor be disappointed.
  4. Forge your own path—without “oversharing” with your past partner—when you’re going through a legal “sedation” or divorce. Divorce requires delicacy in the delivery of information, especially when children are involved. Most breakups are highly emotionally (and often negatively) charged. Let’s face it: even though you were supposed to share everything with that person while you were with them, you didn’t. Don’t start now. P.S. If you want to sleep well at night, be fair in the settlement. (You know what that looks like.)
  5. Always offer to walk or drive your date home. That’s called being a gentleman. Understand that, if it’s the first date, she just met you and doesn’t know if you’re a John Ritter or Jack the Ripper 😉 #makeherfeelsafe

Slouchy Stargazer was a solid seven in my estimation.

Fix slouching and stargazing would get him an extra point.

xo AJ

P.S.es

Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss any of my other updated Project 50 First Dates updates!

If you want to get the maximum points possible so you can score the best gal for you, get my WakeUP2Luv program today!

Think you’re all that and a bag of kettle chips? Ok, fine, but if you’re on a dating site, guaranteed your profile needs work. Get my Double Your Online Dating program here. Cheap like borsch!

Is She Worth Getting & Keeping?


Is She Worth Getting?

Hint: She’s Not Worth It IF…

In this blog we’ll talk about is she worth getting and keeping as well as list the “she’s not worth it if” red flags.

My last blog talked about the signs she’s a good woman, a good woman for you, and when she might be “the one.”

If you’re thinking she’s not worth it if she doesn’t have the qualities noted in the last post, you’re partly correct!

But read on to find some additional red flags to find out for sure when the juice is definitely not worth the squeeze!

First, let’s review the opposite of the good woman qualities.

Any Woman’s Not Worth It IF She…

  1. Lies even if it’s to save your feelings. #trustissues
  2. Pretends to be something she’s not just to win you over.
  3. Her self-care turns into selfishness — it’s all about her.
  4. Is insecure and displays it through egotistical arrogance.
  5. Has no back bone and goes along with anything even if it goes against her values.
  6. Relies entirely on you to entertain and fulfill her life. #codependent
  7. Is lazy about her health — if she’s young and slim but lazy, look out later!
  8. Is addicted to conflict, likes to argue, is never wrong and/or never apologizes.
  9. Will try to win over every man because she’d rather be with someone than alone (but will level up at the first opportunity).
  10. Tries to get you to ditch other important people in your life because she wants all your attention. #jealous
  11. Uses confrontation and fights to keep things interesting because she’s got nothing else to offer and holds a grudge forever.
  12. Is chaotic and unpredictable in an unpleasant way.
  13. Can’t control her temper and/or uses manipulation to get her way.
  14. Only asks questions as a way to get what she wants, doesn’t really care about you.
  15. Doesn’t have standards based on values but is constantly judging you.
  16. Only communicates when you chase her; never initiates.
  17. Doesn’t make an effort in the relationship; acts like an entitled Princess.
  18. Discourages you from your passions, purpose or anything that elevates your value because she’s afraid you’ll outgrow her and leave her.
  19. Tears you down — to your face or behind your back — and tries to limit your potential or hold you back in life.
  20. Has a bad or no relationship with her parents and/or siblings, if any.

Bonus negative point: She only wants or initiates sex if there’s something in it for her outside of sex.

Double bonus negative point: She’s a damsel in distress aka fixer upper aka emotionally damaged.

Pretty obvious, right?

What about the specific gal you’re thinking of — does she meet muster, or should you dust her?

Your Gal — She’s Not Worth It FOR YOU If…

  1. Your values and belief systems don’t align.
  2. You have different long term goals that aren’t compatible.
  3. The relationship isn’t important enough for her to prioritize.
  4. She compares you to her exes or dad when you make mistakes.
  5. She uses jealousy to keep you attracted to her either with other guys or her ex/es.
  6. You’re never given credit for things she appreciates about you.
  7. She’s good-looking or good in bed but that’s her only value.
  8. You fight more than you laugh which often turns into make-up sex.
  9. It feels awkward spending time together when you’re not having sex or doing something.
  10. She’s irritated by your flaws and nags you to change for her.
  11. When she talks about the future, you’re not in it.

Bonus negative point: You’re more afraid to be alone than you are in awe of her as a person.

5 Red Flags She’s Not “The One”

You…

  1. Don’t want to introduce her to people you care about or feel the need to apologize about her in advance.
  2. Can’t imagine her in your future and wonder when you’ll break up.
  3. Really only want to spend time with her when you know there will be sex.
  4. Notice other women, want them, try to get other women’s numbers or are actively working the backup girls on the side.
  5. Feel like she brings out the worst in you may even be unmotivated to change because she doesn’t deserve the best of you.
  6. Are depleted after spending time with her.
  7. Know deep down you’re settling.

In essence, you often wonder if life would be better without her but are either too afraid you’ll be making a mistake or don’t trust yourself to find someone better.

How to score her?

In my opinion, if she has five or more on any of these lists — run Forrest.

Remember, we’re all flawed.

Unless you’re perfect — you’re not — there are going to be things you’ll need to work through together in a relationship.

So figure out which ones you can tolerate, which you are willing to work through and which traits are the no way Jose dealbreakers.

Have standards, stick to them.

Sometimes, the juice isn’t worth the squeeze!

You should have a top five dealbreaker/dealmakers list.

If you can’t narrow the list down, I recommend my WakeUP2Luv program; it’ll walk you through a process of figuring this out.

You’ll also learn what you can and should change about you and what you can and should say no way Jose, I like that about me.

WakeUP2Luv program details here.

She’s Not Worth It Video here.