Dating During the Pandemic – Julie Spira on NBC Today in LA


 

On NBC Today in LA, I was a guest with Daniella Guzman and Jonathan Gonzalez to talk about quarantine love and Dating in the Age of COVID-19: How to Find Love in a Pandemic.

I explained why dating is a hot topic in a pandemic, and where singles originally pushed the pause button; Not anymore.

Here’s an excerpt from our interview.

Daniella: The pandemic has put a hold on a lot of things, including dating, in person. Singles are heading to dating apps and websites to meet new people.

Jonathan: Dating is hard enough as it is. Have you seen more people turning to dating apps during this time?

Julie: I have. As a matter of fact, the numbers have really skyrocketed! I have an ongoing poll on my site, DatingintheAgeofCOVID19.com, with the question, how has COVID-19 changed your dating life?

The majority, 83% said they were looking for a meaningful relationship more than ever, with less than 3% looking to hook up.

Daniella: So how does this work? You start with a Zoom meeting, and what’s your suggestion on how this works to date during the pandemic?

Julie: We do go in stages, and I’m a big fan of virtual dating. I created something called the Dress Rehearsal, where I actually go on “mock date” with people to get them ready for their date.

I check their lighting and what they’re wearing. As you can see I’m wearing red, and red pops on a video video date. 

We start slowly, with the first date being just a virtual drink. So I suggest bringing something bubbly, and putting on something that you’d wear if you were going to meet for happy hour, and do come with a happy face.

Daniella How can people stay safe if they do choose to finally make that next step and meet in person?

Julie: Right now, I’m not recommending meeting in person. I believe you’re better off safe at home, having virtual dates and doing fun thing for each other; sending deliveries.

I know some people send Venmo payments so they can pick up the tab from for their date’s dinner from their favorite restaurant.

Do things that are actually fun. Take a painting class together.

Start thinking about things you might want to do when the coast is clear to meet up in person.

Daniella:  It can get really lonely. This is a really good way, if not anything, to make a new friend as well. But, there are risks involved, always.

How can users make sure the person they’re talking to is the same person as their profile pictures. Does it make it more difficult when you don’t see that person?

Julie: This, Daniella, is the reason I believe in virtual dates. Whether you’re using Skype or Zoom or FaceTime, here’s an opportunity to make sure that someone’s not a “catfish.’ If their profile photos look a certain way, and then you get on a date or hop on a call, and they’re not recognizable, well, they’re probably hiding a lot more than just old photos.

Jonathan: Thank you Julie Spira for joining us today. You can find Julie on Instagram @JulieSpira and on her website at CyberDatingExpert.com.

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Can You Make Her Want You More?


Make Her Want You More and More… Yes, you can make her want you more but there’s a caveat and you may not like it. Certain conditions need to apply to be able to make her want you or you’re just wasting your time, heart, loot and energy. So, if she doesn’t at least have […]

The post Can You Make Her Want You More? appeared first on Dating Coach for Men.

How To Prepare Yourself For Marriage As A Single Woman


Reading Time: 5 minutes

Most of us are too excited to plan a wedding and forgot that there are a lot more things to do before exchanging your vows. A wedding is one day, but a marriage is the rest of your life. Thus it is important for you to learn how to prepare yourself for marriage.

Marriage is an institution that changes the lives, lifestyles, and responsibilities of a woman forever. We learn how to make changes to incorporate the one important person and make them a priority in our lives.

Dedicating yourself to someone else for the rest of your life is a serious business. It needs your personal commitment, love, dedication, and hard work to keep survive. That is why you should plan for a marriage and not just for a wedding.

Sounds like a lot of work? Well, it is. The wife is genuinely the soul of the marriage and no relationship can be completely successful without her love.

how-to-prepare-yourself-for-marriage

How To Prepare Yourself To Be A Good Wife In Marriage?

Getting ready for marriage doesn’t have to be overwhelming, make it simple but significant. You can try to have this mindset, just as you want a good husband, your husband also wants a good wife.

But what is the real meaning of a good wife? Well, it may not what you think it is.

Modern, progressive women may have a though time to accept the idea of a ‘good wife.’ Because the normal answer they got from the term ‘good wife’ is to know how to clean the house, take care of the kids, and always look your best for your husband.

But it’s no longer necessary nowadays. In this article, we will explore the different ideas and qualities that you need to become a good wife in your own term.

1# Be a supportive partner.

Being a supportive partner can mean a lot to your future husbands. Be it a career, a hobby, or anything else that your husband pursues, he will need your support. Remember the quotes, “behind every successful man, there is a woman,” or “A man with dreams needs a woman with a vision.” So be that woman.

Be a supportive wife also mean that you need to appreciate him, push him, and praise him when he achieves a milestone or tries something new. It is about encouraging him to improve or offering constructive criticism in whatever he is doing.

If you are able to provide your partners with emotional fulfillment by being supportive, you will create a new depth of love in your relationship and create a better future.

2# Learn to serve

I strongly believe that, if you want to be happy in your marriage, you need to serve each other. A husband has what his wife needs and a wife also has what her husband needs. That is how God designed marriage, for us to serve each other.

“Don’t demand change from others before you change yourself.”

If you want your partner to serve you after marriage, maybe you could be the first one who set up the example. If you manage to start doing those things yourself, you’ll begin to see that your partner also start to follow your direction.

Read more: How To Cherish Your Spouse

3# Show of your cooking skill

Remember the old adage, ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’ But some of you might be skeptical about this, especially if both of you are working. You think that both of you should share this responsibility, women are not the only ones who need to cook.

Well, that’s fair enough. But my point is when it comes to your turn to prepare the meal, use the opportunity to win his heart. Food is one of the ways to show someone that you care for them. Spend some time to learn about his favorite dishes.

Men always believe that dished prepared from their partner is filled with love.

4# Learn to respect

Men crave for respect and honor, while women look for love and romance. I still remember after years of marriage with my husband, I ask him this question, “Between love and respect, which one you require more?”

And his answer surprised me: “Respect.”

Then I found out men said they would rather feel unloved than disrespected. God gave men a special deep need for respect. They naturally want people to respect him, especially from their partner.

Your respect makes him believe that he can do hard things, protect you from danger, take care of the family, and reduces his fear of failure. Your respect also encourages him to be a good leader to your family in the future.

5# Learn more about man’s hero instinct

Men are born with this immature instinct. They want to be a hero in their woman’s eyes. Psychologically, this instinct is about their satisfaction and their desire to feel important. They want to show how useful, strong, and effective he is among his peers.

This natural instinct already shows up when they are still a kid. You can clearly see the signs of a hero when you look at the boy’s interest, they want to be a Superman, Batman, Ironman, and more. They want to save the world and protect the one they love.

So your task is to learn how this hero instinct affects your relationship. If you are interested to learn more about this, check out my other post: How to tackle your man’s hero instinct.

6# Work on your appearance

Try to work on your appearance, so that even after your marriage, you still make the same effort to care for yourself. You can be your own kind of beautiful, you can be more attractive to your future husband, your marriage is worth looking your best.

Take care of your basic hygiene. Shower every day, keep your hair clean and smell nice, take care of your teeth, and shave everything that needs shaving. Wear clean clothes and throw away clothes that make you look homeless.

Practice this as your new habit, it will be much easier for you to maintain your appearance after marriage.

7# Be prepare for the changes

Marriage will change your life, so be ready for all the ups and downs of your marriage journey. First, there is no place for selfishness in a marriage. You should start changing your mindset from ‘me’ to ‘we.’ Be more considerate to your partner when you making a plan or make an important decision.

Apart from that, you also need to shift from handling your own finance as a single to managing household finance together. You may need to share your wealth together with your spouse. If you are a working woman, be open about your salary, debt, and investment.

Having an open discussion with your spouse will help you maintain a healthy relationship and prevent any conflicts in the future. The two of you need to be on the same team, so you should learn how to become a good team player.

8# Keep an open mind and be flexible

You and your future husband might have different ways of thinking, perspective, desire, and needs. There is no way you can be on the same page all the time. You shouldn’t expect everything to be perfect in marriage.

Things happen, and sometimes it beyond your expectation. So prepare yourself to be more adaptable. As long as both of you keep an open mind and be flexible to each other, you can minimize the problem in your married life.

Final note…

The best marriages are made up of individuals who serve each other for the sake of their relationship. They weight their spouse needs over their own and they do that wholeheartedly. I hope this article helps you to prepare for the marriage.

If you have any point that you want to highlight, feel free to leave your comment below. I would love to hear your ideas.

ALL Women Get Turned on When You Say “This!”


Women Get Turned on When You Say “This” (For Real) Do ALL women get turned on when you say “this?” or is this just click bait, Anna? Ok, seriously, I’m not pulling your leg, all quality women get turned on when you say “this,” I promise. What woman doesn’t qualify as a quality woman? Glad […]

The post ALL Women Get Turned on When You Say “This!” appeared first on Dating Coach for Men.

Project 50 First Dates―First Date #3: Facetious Financier


Welcome to Date #3! “Project: 50 First Dates.”

Let’s go back a few years to First Date #3 of Project 50 First Dates…

Dating site: match.com
Stats: Mid 40s, no kids
Profession: finance

He messaged me this: “Hey, did you used to be in real estate? … Never mind, I Googled you … [something about a risqué Halloween costume from a decade ago …].”

I was thinking: Oh, shit. (And) He’s kinda hot! (And) Wait, I’m sure I’d remember meeting him.

The Rundown:

Somehow, he’d remembered seeing a photo of me in a not-for-public outfit that I wore out in public. (But it was Vegas, baby, so that hardly counts and this was years ago before I became a “classy lady” after all.)

The seeming familiarity of him knowing (of) me lead to texting (which isn’t my thing) and a lot of innuendo (which is my thing).

In the midst of the back and forth, he called me, which is a ballsy move. Kudos.

Hint: Calling a woman out of the blue is a ballsy, sexy move. Do it!

He was witty and fun and way too long-winded, but also facetious and frustrating.

“I haven’t even met you, and you’re irritating me.” I remember telling him.

“I’m just kidding,” he’d offered.

He was needling me about how “a single woman can’t have enough credibility to offer love advice.”

Here’s the rant I didn’t say but thought of saying way after the fact:

“I’ll have you know that there are plenty of people in relationships who haven’t got a clue and who aren’t happy―you want advice from them?

And the most successful dating coach in the world right now is―hello!? Single.

Why?

Because love is about being happy (within yourself first), not about being happy only when in a relationship. I’m not hitched, but I am happy, mister! I learned how to love myself, and I know how to fast-track others to the Happy Meadow!

And happy people are more attractive―so, ha!”

The rant I’d actually said, “Women want to know how to get the guy. I know how.”

*Rolls eyes at self for saying such a cringeworthy thing and for admitting it publicly*

He interrupted me with a chuckle: “―you do remember that you’re talking to a potential date, right?”

Hint: Playfully teasing a woman without getting pissy at her audacious behaviour is a ballsy, sexy trait. Do it!

I continued, “Yes, yes, let me finish. I didn’t say ‘any guy’ and besides, getting the guy isn’t a badge of honour. It’s a ‘here’s why you need to love yourself first’ lesson: learn from my mistakes!

They―my exes―were good guys, well mostly, but anyway, they weren’t the right guys for me.

But when you get to a place where you’re whole on your own, you know your ‘Top Five’ and you know how men think―um, that’s valuable info! Wouldn’t you agree?”

He agreed that I am good at sales.

That’s as much as I could get out of him before he went on his own rant about how ridiculous it was for me to “expect any man to want to wait in the queue while I finish this 50 first dates project.”

Ok. Fair enough. He had a valid point.

Therefore!

Social study modification:

If I met the man of my dreams, I’d write about my friends’ first date stories, though I’d have preferred to be with a man confident enough to be OK with my finishing the study if only to give professional feedback to love hopefuls (who weren’t hoping for me).

Facetious and I went on a date.

He was tall, dark and handsome wearing a perfectly pressed business shirt, smartly tailored blazer, dark denim jeans, and what looked like hand-stitched Italian loafers. And he smelled good.

Hint: Having this outfit in your closet and ready to go is sexy AF. Have it!

I’d inadequately planned my wardrobe and showed up in jeans and a t-shirt to a 5-star lounge. *meh*

We talked for two hours. It was an easy, light, fun, and stimulating conversation.

I declined an invitation to continue chatting over dinner because I’d used my own advice and made plans with a girlfriend right after our date.

Even though this first date #3 was mostly a success, would I see him again?

I wasn’t sure at the time, but no, I didn’t. Looking back it seemed he was more interested in my Vegas, Baby personality than the real me.

Either that or he was unimpressed I showed up so shoddy and didn’t continue the date after dinner.

Or who knows, but it wasn’t a loss for either of us because I’d totally forgotten about him until I was updating the post.

First Date #3 Takeaways (written for men but these apply to dames, too):

  1. If you’re engaged in text chatting with enough immediate back-and-forth action to know she’s not busy doing something significant, call her. Ballsy / brave / bold = confidence (real or not) = Sexy. Side note: If you’re the one to call, be the one to end the convo. (See #5.)
  2. Disagreement and differing opinions offer stimulating conversation. As long as you don’t push too many buttons, you may get to her button faster. 😉
  3. Setting standards―I ain’t waiting while you’re dating 47 other men―shows self-respect. Check.
  4. Smell good, but not too strong. One spritz on the chest is enough. Hint: Make her want to get close!
  5. Motto: Always leave them wanting more. Have after-date other-plans.
  6. If it doesn’t work out, that’s A-okay!

xo
Anna

P.S. New Just The Tip videos show up first on my YouTube channel―WingmamTV. Subscribe and have educational dating, love and relationship hilarity delivered straight to your in box, so to speak.

P.S.S. Get the woman you really want with my WakeUP2Luv program. Do it!

How To Win Your Wife Heart Back


Reading Time: 6 minutes

Are you hoping to re-establish the connection you used to share with your wife? Did you want to get your wife back and make her love you again? If yes, then you need to take specific steps to win your wife’s heart back.

It’s always hard to bear the feeling of losing someone you love. Especially for those who’s already spent many years together as a married couple. Both of you have gone through so many things together, and all those shared memories and experiences are not easily be replaced.

So in this post, we will discuss things that you should do in order to reconnect with your wife. Everyone makes mistakes, as long as you have reflected deeply about what you had done wrong, there always a chance for you to correct the mistake.

That said, if you want to win back your wife’s heart and get back to your long-term relationship, you need to use the right strategy and take the process seriously.

Women are generally different from men, they are more in tune with their emotions. So when you hurt women’s feelings, it can lead to emotional injury. Over time, after years of injury, her heart can be as cold as ice, refusing anyone who tries to touch it.

A woman who undergone such a situation also doesn’t have much heart left to give to anyone, especially to the one who caused the injury. She already closed her heart because she afraid of getting hurt again.

So if you think you’re facing the same situation, it is important for you to realize the main problem why she makes a distance from you. Getting to know the real problem will help you solve the problems.

how to win your wife heart back

Win Back Your Wife’s Heart And Make Her Fall In Love Again

According to one study, 46% of wives say that children create less stress than their husbands, and this is not connected to cheating or abuse. It shows that a husband’s behavior or attitude plays an important role in relationships.

The simple logic to win over your wife is all about being a guy that she wants. It means that you need to show her you can become a better man than you were now. Show her your effort that you can be a better version of yourself.

Spend your time to learn more about women, how to respect them, how to appreciate them, and how to show your love to them. Let her know that you have made some improvements to the way you think, behave, and act in a relationship.

If you get basic ideas on what you should do, let’s check out the following tips below.

1# Listen and acknowledge her feelings

The first rule to win your wife’s heart back, you need to listen to her. I did not mean that you need to listen to their every command, but what I’m suggesting is, you should listen to their heart. Do not disregard their feeling and respect their opinions.

I know it’s hard to accept your wife’s honest feedback. But when your wife says there is something wrong with your marriage, then there is probably something wrong with your marriage. Do not belittle your wife when she tries to express their own opinion.

Women tend to understand the vibe of relationships better than men, they are more in touch with their feeling. Believe it or not, women know better what the relationship needs and often has some good ideas on how to fix it.

So taking the time to truly listen to your wife can help you discover the root of the problem. Sweep aside your pride and do not respond defensively.

2# Give her some space

Giving your wife some space will give both of you some opportunity to think things over. It also can prevent you from doing something that makes things worse. Your wife might need some time to calm down and recover from the emotional pain.

Don’t be too aggressive or look desperate when you want to win back her love. You need to show your confidence by acknowledging that your partner needs some space. Staying calm will make you look more mature and attractive.

You might need to check my content on how to get your ex back, the content is about how to get your ex-boyfriend back, back it still carries some value for you, especially for no contact rule. You can get some ideas for sure if you check out that post.

3# Be open and honest with her

Honesty is a key component of a healthy relationship, it creates more trust and avoids harmful misunderstanding. When you being honest with your wife, you will get to know each other better than anyone else.

But be careful, sometimes being honest is not always the best reaction. Every relationship has its own grey area, if you express everything honestly from your point of view, you may hurt your partner feeling.

As an example, you say something like this, “I feel less attracted to you when keep asking me the same question over and over again.” These honest direct statements feel like you are attacking your partner, and she may feel uncomfortable with it.

When you want to be honest with your wife, it doesn’t need to be hurtful or cruel. Instead, try to learn to understand the situation first and be considerate to your wife before you express anything.

Other than that, you should learn to be open to your wife’s feedback. Listen to your partner and try to see things from their point of view. Do not be defensive, reactive, or punishing for feedback.

4# Communicate effectively

Many couples in successful relationships know how to effectively communicate with each other. They listen, acknowledge, and understand what their partner is trying to say. This practice helps them to address their issues together before its too late.

In order to communicate effectively with your partner, you should learn about your partner’s communication style. Everyone has their own communication preferences.

As an example, some people love to talk and more responsive to language, while others might prefer an expression signal or a text message. Discover your partner’s communication preferences and communicate with them.

Apart from that, it is also important for you to communicate your feelings. Make sure you understand your emotions and express your needs in a non-judgmental way. Do not raise your voice or attacking your partner during the conversation.

Couples who know how to discuss their disagreement in a healthy way will grow stronger and has a long-lasting relationship. Listen to your partner, discover their needs, and try to fulfill them.

How To Win Your Wife's Heart Back

5# Check back your own behavior since you got married

When you got married, you will spend your life together with your wife. So any changes to your behavior, positive or negative, it will indirectly affect your spouse. Some of these changes are minor, some others can have huge effects on your relationship.

As an example, after you got married, you frequently find yourself yelling or cursing your wife. This behavior is a red flag in any relationship. If you’re facing this kind of problem, maybe you should go see a therapist and learn how to control your anger.

Check back any negative behavior that might push away your wife. It could be because of your hygiene issue, stress management, less time with family, and so on. You can check this article if you need more insight into the bad habits that could ruin your marriage.

6# Ask her how you can make things right

Speak to your partner about what you can do to help make things right again for both of you. Although making amends won’t fix the problems right away, it’s still a good way to show your partner that you are serious about fixing the marriage.

Read: How not to be selfish in your marriage.

Talk to her, get her opinion, and be open with her observation. Keep doing this once a week or once per month, the more you do this, the easier for your wife to share her needs and desire. You also can use this opportunity throw out your own opinion about her.

7# Be romantic again

Keep your romance alive. You must have been pretty good at this at one time in your life right? Remind back your old self before you’re getting married, what did you do to tackle her heart?

Make her feel special again, so they know that you don’t take the relationship for granted, which you shouldn’t. If you have not done something to demonstrate how special she is in the past few months, maybe this is the right time to do so.

It doesn’t need to be a high budget item, instead, try something simple that can make her smile again. Maybe you can leave a love note in her purse, or flowers delivered to her office or planning a surprise date at the place where you propose her.

Putting effort into romancing your wife will help you win her heart back and grow stronger together.

There Is Still Hope…

Building a successful marriage is a lifelong challenge and no marriage is perfect. Marriages also progress over time, careers grow, personal commitment grows deeper, less personal time, and children to be raised.

Recommended program:
Mend the marriage from Brad Browning.

So if you want a long-lasting marriage, both of you should never give up. Problems happen all the time, but what most important is, you know how to solve the problems. Sometimes a relationship needs to fail for love to flourish again.

Some people tell me they don’t know how to be a husband that their wife wants. Well, you’ll never know if you did not want to learn. Maybe you already have the answer, all you need to is open your heart and accept the answer. Better late than never.

Why Women Settle! – Dating Coach for Men


Why Women Settle and Is She Settling for YOU? 😬

Surprise: The reasons why women settle are mostly the same as why men settle!

There are no perfect people in the world, men or women, so everyone who enters a relationship will be settling to some degree.

Did I just wallop you with a mega truth bomb there?

But this Reality Land doesn’t suck.

Here’s why…

When we accept no one is perfect, we can look for the person who is good enough and perfect for us.

Basic Reasons Why Women Settle

  1. Loneliness
  2. Low self-esteem
  3. Ticking maternal clock
  4. Laziness
  5. Unicorns don’t exist

Did you score yourself on this list?

Hard truths (not in the video) to soften you up on finding a woman you feel good about settling down with…

  1. No matter how “perfect” a man you become, either now or down the road, she’ll feel like she’s settling in some ways and so will you.
  2. Great relationships require effort forever after. FOR. EVER. AFTER.
  3. There are no guarantees of forever.

But!

  1. If you choose well, the good will outweigh the less good and she’ll be glad she chose you.
  2. Making consistent effort over time not only feels good, doing so gives you the best chance of forever after.
  3. Choosing to stay single guarantees no forever after.

Life is full of risk and reward and we don’t get a crystal ball to determine ahead of time which decisions we’ll be grateful for making and which ones will cause us pain.

So if you want the best chance of choosing well, you’d do well in completing my WakUP2Luv program!

WakeUP2Luv Benefits:

  1. Figure out your REAL deal breakers and deal makers so you choose well.
  2. Determine which traits you need to work on yourself and which qualities you’ll be dang proud of.
  3. Create a step-by-step real world action plan to get the woman of your dreams.

If WakeUP2Luv was: a wealth plan, its name would be How to Get Rich Quick; a fitness plan: How to Get Fit Quick; a success plan: Steps to Success…

You get the idea.

If you want to have a solid relationship with a great woman and neither of you are settling to settle down, get WakeUP2Luv today.

Reality Land: Nothing changes if you don’t.

xo AJ

MEN’S PROGRAMS HERE.

Acceptable Age Gap When Dating (2 Videos!)


What’s An Acceptable Age Gap When Dating?

Well, fellas, if you’ve ever wondered what’s an acceptable age gap when dating younger women, this update blog will help you out!

Provided she’s of legal age…

Short answer: Whatever works for you.

Long answer: It depends. Read on …

Factors Important to an Acceptable Age Gap

An acceptable age gap when dating depends on the chemistry, values, and long-term goals of both partners.

Since I work only with folks who are ready to settle down for the long haul without settling for the short stick, my views on ageism will apply as such.

If you’re interested in fooling around, testing ice cream flavours, or wanting a Sugar Baby or Sugar Daddy—nothing wrong with that—this post doesn’t apply to you.

Side note:

Unless you’ve longed all of your life for a football-team-sized family, I believe our 20s should be for testing ice cream flavours.

Even though many twenty-somethings long for lasting love, practicality (divorce rates) suggest you’re better off getting to know people—including (especially) yourself—before selecting your one and only. #WakeUP2Luv

If you’ve only tried vanilla, one day you gonna wonder what chocolate tastes like. (Or maybe strawberry—but then again, I am biassed.)

Long Term Love

But if you’re interested in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship, then the acceptable age gap of a potential partner is a reasonable consideration not necessarily a deal breaker.

One of the major considerations for someone ready to settle down is whether or not they want children.

If they do want children, then age can play a factor.

Age Gaps Matter When it Comes to Kids

This may be the biggest consideration when figuring out the acceptable age gap for you.

Examples

She’s in her…

  • 30s and wants kids or already has little ones from a previous relationship. He’s in his 50s. He’s got grown kids is done being a daddy.
  • 20s and wants kids but not for another 10 years. He’s in his mid 40s and wants to start a family a-sap. No go. End game.
  • 30s and wants kids STAT. He’s in his 40s and not sure about kids. First, he needs to get his second career off the ground.

End of story. End of romance. (Now, or later when it’s more painful.) Honey, you risking it big time.

OK, you get the idea.

What’s the rule about assessing a potential mate? Right, don’t go for potential!

No, she may not change her mind no matter how persuasive you think you can be.

And if she doesn’t and you’re now 55 and she’s left you for Bret because he’s young and fertile, how happy are you going to be?

Life is full of risk and reward. When it comes to love, only you can decide if she’s worth it.

Of course, people change their minds all the time.

I know of a woman who desperately wanted kids, and her partner didn’t.

And then he moved on to a new gal and bam! Babies be popping out like one of those automatic tennis ball shooting machines.

That’s life. It happens. Be glad it happened sooner than later.

Aside from wanting children, what other factors influence the acceptable age gap?

She worries he will …

  1. Die early leaving her sobbing in her Cab Sauv.
  2. Not want sex as far into their future as she thinks she will. (Tip: Get your testosterone checked!)
  3. Get diseased and need to be taken care of at a time when she still feels young.
  4. Let his physical condition slide and “get old” before she is ready to accept that fate.
  5. Lose cognitive capacities and they’ll lose the mental connection they had.

Guess what? These are all possibilities.

But it’s also possible she dies first. It happens.

It’s possible she will be the first to not want sex or to develop a disease, let her body go to pot, or lose mental connection.

We all know people who have suffered the result of these situations.

I know a couple who’ve been together for over 40 years. He’s 26 years older than she is.

They’re still in love. They still connect. I don’t know if they still have sex, but I’ll bet they have a deep intimacy, regardless.

And I’ll bet you know couples who are around the same age who don’t connect, aren’t in love, and don’t have sex (at least with each other).

AJ True Age Gap Story

My ex-husband is 16 years my senior.

He’s still the man to whom I set my what-a-good-man-is bar, even though we split up (largely) because he got lazy, and at the time, I didn’t know how to effectively inspire him to get un-lazy.

(He admits his part in losing my hand and is now happily remarried with someone he won’t take for granted. And I’m happy for him.)

Acceptable Age Gap Takeaways:

  1. Truly, age is just a number if you’re both over 30 or less than 10 years apart.
  2. As long as your beliefs, values and long-term goals are compatible, you’ve got as good a chance as anyone.
  3. You gotta know if you want (any/more) kids!

xo AJ

What To Talk About on a Second Date!


Project 50 First Dates—First 2nd Date!

Just before we get to what to talk about on a second date…

If you’re just tuning in, I did a 50 first dates project several years ago when I’d just started coaching.

We’re reviewing some of those real fake dates so you can learn from them!

Interestingly enough, First Date #1 (The G Man) who blew it after the first 1st date—details to follow—and then made a big recovery—hold your horses, I’ll get to it—ended up coming in as my first 2nd date.

You still with me?

Super!

So what do you talk about on a second date?

A quick recap…

The G Man was handsome but bashful with praise. He worked for the government and had no kids (at the time of our date).

I’d enjoyed his company but didn’t feel sexually attracted to him.

Update:

Not feeling an instant attraction is way more common for women to experience than men!

He’d originally blew it because I had to repeatedly remind him that I. detest. texting.

I know, it’s weird but it’s true. From my research most women looove to text-chat. (Not I.)

BTW, if there are any ladies reading this, a guy who’s interested will be text-chat attentive.

As far as I’m concerned, text is for information—time, location, direction—not conversation.

More on that in another blog post―for now back to The G Man.

He finally got that I no likey texty and respected my “no text-chat” request.

Wingmam motto reminder: Always leave them wanting more.

He’d asked me out again but by then I was busy with sad “family stuff.”

A while later, I had a slot to fill, *wink* and because he’d respected my no-text requests, I asked him on a “sort of” second date.

“Sort of” because I’d invited him to an event with the intention of setting him up with someone else. *Shrug* at least I had love intentions.

I met him at the event—significant—which was a book launch and signing for a girl friend’s first book—we’ll call her Sparkle.

The venue was abuzz with social energy and was insanely noisy.

I gave her a hug and whispered, “I brought you a present” and nod toward The G Man.

I introduced them and she subtlety gave him the once over with an approving twinkle in her eye while he glanced around the shop.

But she had books to sign and adorning fans to thank—significant—and I could tell he was overwhelmed by the bustle, so The G Man and I took an early leave to go next door for a coffee.

Significant bits:

  • I met The G Man at the event instead of having him pick me up to re-establish our friends-only relationship. Going “with” him sends a different message. I would’ve had to explicitly reject him as a romantic partner if I went with him. Men don’t speak hint.
  • As a loyal and trusty Wingmam, bringing The G Man to my friend’s event was a 5-star friend move—it allowed him to see her best self: looking sexy, being adored, juiced-up (energized), accomplished and happy.

At the coffee shop …

He knew I’d been out of town—sad, sad stuff; I’m okay now, thanks, though.

So what to talk about on a second date / not-date?

Death. 

He’d lost a loved one a couple years beforehand so the topic didn’t wig him out.

Do I recommend talking about death on a second date?

Sure. Go ahead, if—

  • you can hold yourself together without becoming a messy puddle
  • you’re not feeling needy, clingy or extra desperate because of it
  • the other person is comfortable with the topic

I expect most of you have either experienced someone having passed away or have developed some level of compassion from experiencing other past pains.

Serious topics—death, politics, religion, children/parenting, aging parents, money, and monogamy —can be good topics for what to talk about on a second date as long as you can weave some fun and playfulness into the conversation somewhere.

You’ll likely need to veer into another lighter topic to do this, but do. Too heavy is just too heavy!

At the same time, you want to settle down without settling, right?

Part of discovering whether or not you could nest with the person sitting in front of you is finding out where they stand on your seriously-need-to-be-considered topics.

You already know you like each other or you wouldn’t even be wondering what to talk about on a second date with her.

What to Talk About on a Second Date Takeaways:

  1. Even if you love texting, leave something to talk about in person.
  2. Uncomfortable conversations about loved ones “leaving this world” can fast-track intimacy—in-to-me-see. You’ll find out a lot more about the other person and whether you want to risk Date #3. Or leave it on the table. Hint: Don’t try to cover all the heavy topics on Date #2!
  3. Don’t do Date #2 at either of your residences. Lead thee not into temptation! Or awkwardness. Try to hold out until you know if you want to bump nasties long term, or you risk ignoring red flags.
  4. Second dates are a good time to start the weeding-out process by talking about touchy subjects that aren’t for touchy-feely-2nd-base activities. If you want to get into her for the long run, get to know her in the short run. (You’re batting average will go up if you can keep “it” down for now.)
  5. Never date anyone when you’re on the verge of a breakdown—it sets an unhealthy relationship dynamic. If you win the other person over, you’ll need to remain broken forever to keep them (and you) interested in the relationship.

Holy crap, this was a long, serious one.

Are you still here?

If yes, thank you. Really.

My first 2nd date summary …

Unfortunately, the conversation about death created too much intimacy for The G Man for me to wingmam him over to a much better match: my friend, Sparkle. Bad wingmam.

Note: I have these types of conversations with everyone/anyone; this particular conversation had no extra effect on me.

I’m no more attracted to The G Man than I was on our first real fake date.

Just because you’re attracted to her and feel a connection does not mean she feels the same way!

xo
AJ

If find yourself always in the friend zone instead of the end zone, get my WakeUP2Luv program and check out this playlist: