Project: 50 First Dates―Date #4: Women’s Safety


For Women’s Safety & Your Dating Success…

Women’s primary need with men is to feel safe, therefore women’s safety should be at the forefront of your mind when online dating.

If you’re new to my blog, several years ago when I had just started blogging about my relationship theories, I “took up” online dating as a sort of study.

And, yes, I did disclose up front (on my profile), that I was doing research.

A few good men took me up on the offer of a real fake date and in exchange I provided them with honest feedback, something you’ll rarely if ever get on a real real date.

If you haven’t read about dates one, two and three, you can find them here, here, and here.

Date #4: Women’s Safety

Dating site: match.com
Age: early 50s
Kids: none
Work: network management

Concerned Citizen messages me on match.com to see if I’m also seriously looking for a mate or selectively soliciting business.

I replied back, “You’ll get honest feedback. Might help with the next one.”

We exchanged a couple brief texts, then he suggested we go to an exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery, and if things went well, maybe lunch after. Like.

A couple days later―why drag it out―I arrived early at the VAG. I texted him to let him know. He worked nearby and agreed to meet me early.

When he arrived, we got right to it. (No, not “that” to it. Sheesh.)

I told him why I’d been away for a month (family member died), which lead to a heavy conversation right off. (My bad.)

But at least he’d similarly offered intimate insights of his life.

We chatted about online dating, and I remember him telling me, after some hesitation, “Women give too much away.”

I asked him, “What do you mean?”

He replied, “Well, this is going to sound creepy. No, I better not.”

Hint: When you say, “I’d better not say…” know that you’re going to have to say!

I prodded, “Now, you have to tell me! No judgments. I’m here to learn, too.”

And so he told me how easy it is to find out “who they are and where they live and work and …”

He closed with, “I’m not a stalker.”

I said, “Yeah, but that does sound creepy. I might not start an interaction with that.”

Our whole conversation felt factual more than emotional.

I took it to mean he was either reserved, shy or nervous. (He actually didn’t come across as creepy.)

He reminded me he was really not a stalker and didn’t know how to tell women to watch out for guys who are.

“I’ll write about it. Alert the ladies. Safety first, after all.”

We went to the VAG exhibit―theme: culture. Effect: creepy!

However, the array of way-out-there exhibits was def definitely intellectually stimulating.

After 90 minutes exploring two of the four floors of VAG, I was mentally exhausted with brain overload.

“That’s all I can handle.” I told him, referring to the exhibit, and he agreed.

We left the building, not speaking but silently absorbing what we’d experienced―at least I was. Even though I had somewhere else to be, I wanted to go home for a nap.

I gave him a hug, and we parted ways.

Concerned Citizen seemed like a great guy, but because of our convo “Creepy Citizen” was my associated feeling toward him. (Which I told him is how all women would feel.)

Takeaways:

  1. Artsy-fartsy cultural events provide for interesting amusement and stimulating conversation, but be sure to interact during the exhibition―your date is the main attraction, after all.
  2. If your date place is somewhere mentally rousing―not arousing, fellas―allot an hour maximum for that part so you have time and think-ability to chat after.
  3. Guys: Don’t do your “background checks” until you have a date secured―otherwise, that will creep women out and they’ll run like a scared hare.
  4. Incase any ladies are reading this: Be careful; there are weirdos out there! Do do your background checks first!
  5. Laughter is key especially on a first date. Though some serious topics can safely be discussed on Date #2, I’d skip the “women’s safety” and other deep convo on Date #1. Stick to mostly fun and playful.

I’m still getting over the bunny’s-head-on-big-stick exhibit. #creepy

If you want the map to better online dating during/post covid get my Double Your Online Dating video training today.

It’s short, sweet, compact and only $10US (price subject to change!), less than your next bad coffee date even if you go Dutch. 😉

If you’re offended (or Dutch), I won’t apologize for the non-PC remark, political correctness has gone too far.

xo Anna

Also! Check out this fab playlist on online dating, texting and long distance relationships!

Dating Educated Women! – Dating Coach for Men


Average Joe’s Dating Educated Women? Yep!

If you’ve considered dating educated women but don’t know if it’s a good idea or if an educated woman would consider dating you, keep reading!

Reality Land: 40-70% of new students entering post secondary schools are women!

This is both good and bad news for men. 

Interesting Tidbits About More Women Entering Post-Ed

Feminism

If you’re in a place in your life when you’re looking for a good time not a long time you’ll have plenty of cozy companionship with women in college or university.

Feminism brought with it sexual liberation and freedom for women that men have enjoyed for years. 

There’s a good chance dating educated women means you won’t need to commit to anything serious. 

The less good news is…

Hypergamy

Generally, women don’t want to “date down.”

This means an educated woman often expects a man to have a formal education if she’s to consider him for more than a one nighter.

Yep, you can get around this by improving yourself. (Get my WakeUP2Luv program for the detailed road map on doing that.)

Compatibility

Educated women don’t only prefer formally educated men because there’s a (perceived) higher chance of the man making bank—

Plenty of people are doing well without any formal education thanks to the diversity of opportunity brought to us by the internet.

—but if you’re not formally educated, dating educated women means you need to have some knowledge and/or intellectual ability.

More on that in the video, but suffice it to say educated women want men with any combination of: 

  • Ambition to obtain knowledge
  • Drive to self-improve
  • Mental / intellectual stimulation

There’s a difference between intelligence, knowledge and formal education.

Pros and Cons of Dating Educated Women

Whether or not dating an educated woman is a pro or con largely depends on what your beliefs and values are and whether or not they align with hers.

Potential Pros

  1. She may be able to contribute more $ to the relationship.
  2. Potentially interesting intellectual conversations.
  3. More options (women) to choose from. #supplyanddemand

Potential Cons

  1. Greater potential she’s a hard core feminist or social justice warrior.
  2. She may act superior or stuck up to men with less formal education.
  3. She may have impossibly high standards. #nevergoodenough

If you like the idea of dating an educated woman or simply want more women to choose from the best thing you can do is develop the traits all women appreciate.

Yep, my WakeUP2Luv program shares the details, but I’ll warn you… it’s a comprehensive course and will kinda make you look at where you sabotage yourself.

(Don’t worry, you don’t have to dwell on childhood trauma!)

If you haven’t already, consider dating educated women because you’ll open the door to a greater supply of single ladies!

More details in the video, including how to know if you should date an educated smarty-pants! 

Check it out!

xo AJ

p.s. Um, whether or not you want to date an educated woman, ALL women appreciate the traits you’ll develop from taking my WakeUP2Luv program. #brokenrecord

Also, why not!, here’s a playlist on what women really want aka #hypergamy…

What Women REALLY Want in a Man! (12 PROVEN Tips)


What Women REALLY Want

Good news, fellas! What women really want in a man are qualities any man can develop. For real, even you! 😉

The the even better news is that these are traits every man would feel better about improving regardless of what a woman wants!

If that’s not a win-win, I don’t know what is.

Now, for the skeptics out there who think all women really want a buff Chad with a big… wallet and a lot of power, success or fame, you’re right.

What???

Okay, you’re half right.

Sure, most women appreciate those qualities but — and here’s the kicker — most women don’t need all those things to be happy and horny (for you).

True story.

Hypergamy

Hypergamy is basically the theory of a person marrying up to the next “level” which can include good looks, money, power, fame etc.

But!

Hypergamy is more pronounced in younger women, especially the “Ashleys” of the world, who are still biologically wired to respond to qualities in a man that produce healthy and well-cared for offspring.

Wait, wait, wait, before you climb that tall bridge, hear me out!

The good news for the every day John is that it’s the personality attributes behind success in any form can be developed by you.

Yes, you!

And…

Aside from naturally attractive genetics, it’s actually these traits that are what women really want in a man!

Shut the front door! Am I right?

Yes, of course, some women want it all, but believe it or not, those women are far and few between.

Just like you want it all, but you’d be okay with a gal who gets your motor running; respects and appreciates you, and isn’t too high maintenance.

Am. I. Right??

Good.

Watch and learn, my friend, watch and learn!

xo AJ

p.s. Road map to developing the right traits for you: WakeUP2Luv.

p.p.s. Thank you so much for your generous coffee/chocolate donations! ❤️And for buying my memoir!🥰

True or False: Nice Guys Finish Last?


Nice Guys Finish Last But Good Men Come In First

The reason “nice guys” finish last and good men don’t is because the difference between nice guys and good guys is … self-assurance and intention.

And now here’s a photo of a dolphin …

waxing your dolphin

No, just kidding.

Well, yes, it is a photo of a dolphin, but there’s more to this whole nice-guys-finish-last story.

And if you don’t want to be a single guy waxing his dolphin forever, focus here fellas!

Nice Guys Finish Last because they:

  • don’t trust themselves enough to have solid opinions
  • agree with everything she says to be amenable
  • avoid potential mistakes by not making decisions
  • have ulterior, selfish motives

Good Guys Come in First because they:

  • trust themselves enough to have solid opinions and aren’t afraid to share them
  • disagree with things that don’t align with their beliefs (respectfully)
  • are confident decision makers because they’ve learned from practicing [making decisions]
  • are straight-shooters without a hidden agenda (key word: hidden!)

Women prefer good men over nice guys because women want to feel safe, and a man with self-assurance and integrity makes her feel safe.

Let’s analyze …

A woman believes that a man with solid opinions, who can make decisions and disagree when necessary, will be able to “take care of” her, and since women’s primary need is to feel safe—emotionally and physically—his self-assurance goes a long way to achieving that goal—even if he isn’t capable of taking care of her.

Do women need to be taken care of?

In the modern age and in the Western world, not really, but despite feminism, feeling safe is still an innate need.

I don’t know a woman who doesn’t want to feel safe and (at some level) taken care of. Even if she can’t admit it (even to herself).

And this doesn’t mean a man needs bags of money. I’m not necessarily talking about that kind of “taken care of.”

The three most powerful words a man can say to a woman are, “I got this!”
Bryan Reeves

Sociology / Biology

Because of sociology and/or biology, women are attuned to the most innocuous feelings of others: we are the (physically) weaker sex, “reading hint” is part of our survival mechanism.

The feminine aspect of (most) women’s nature is far more sensitive to picking up subtle signs of fake niceness over genuine goodness.

When you’re “too nice,” she won’t trust that you’re being honest and real with her and, therefore, aren’t trustworthy!

I’ll tell you right now, fibbers don’t make women feel safe. Nuhuh, no, sir, do not pass go.

Go back to the hand lotion. Back off and whack off, Buster!

But when a man has his own opinions, and especially when he can disagree with her in a kind or even playful way, then she knows he’ll have an opinion when it really counts—like when he has an opportunity to physically protect her or verbally defend her.

Or even when she feels unsure about something and wants his opinion.

How to Go From Nice Guy to Good Man:

  1. Monitor yourself in conversations—with everyone, not just women.
  2. Contemplate how you feel about certain things that you usually simply agree with.
  3. When you discover a conflicting opinion, instead of agreeing with the person, ask questions.
  4. When you get comfy asking questions, offer alternative opinions, “Some people think [this], what do you think?” They may ask for your opinion. Here’s your opportunity to share your take in a non-aggressive way.
  5. Make decisions. If a friends says―Where do you want to eat?―even if you don’t care, offer a suggestion. You can make it easy on yourself by saying what you crave and letting them make the decision, or ask them what they crave and make the decision on where to eat.

Nice Guys Finish Last Takeaways:

  1. Lack of self-assurance comes from lack of practice; lack of practice comes from lack of self-esteem.
  2. Nice = fake. Kind = respectful.

The backbone to my WakeUP2Luv program is a step-by-step what-to-do plan to rewrite your (love) life, inside and outside… because you can read a bazillion blogs on how to build a bicycle, but until you start putting parts together, dude, you ain’t got no ride. 😉

xo AJ

If you enjoyed this blog or know someone who’s got a Costco card for hand cream, please share!

Feeling extra thankful for my work? Buy my memoir or make a coffee donation here. Thank you!

Also, here’s my newest video on nice guys:

And, what the heck, a playlist for y’all Costco shoppers 😉 …

Alpha Plan for Post-COVID Dating!


Stuck at Home? Here’s the Alpha Plan for Post-COVID Dating!

Stuck at home? IT BLOWS…and not in the fun way. 😉 So I’ve been busy working on an alpha plan for post-COVID dating.

There are only so many episodes of Tiger King and The Office.

It’s time to upgrade your COVID-19 routine – and I’m not talking about mixing a better quarantini.

If you’re single and want to swing for the fences when the dating world gets back to normal, it’s time to engage your inner-alpha.

Even if you’re in a relationship, don’t let yourself slide backwards – this alpha plan for post-COVID dating will help you, too!

Alpha Plan for Post-Covid Dating

What should you be doing right now to set yourself up for success?

This is your moment to shine! You’ve got weeks (potentially months) to work on yourself, uninterrupted.

Plus, this whole social distancing / isolation thing could do wonders for your love life (more on that in a second).

It’s time to take control and get that cute butt of yours into gear.

Seriously, get your @#$ off the couch!

Get moving! COVID-19 isn’t an excuse to sit around the house and check the refrigerator for surprise food every 15 minutes.

Walk / run at least a mile or two every day.

Getting outside is great for your mental health, too. If you’re worried about COVID-19, just keep a safe distance from others. You’re outside in the fresh air for crying out loud!

I’m also gonna let you in on a secret: If you got fat and COVID lazy, you’re heading home alone.

Use this time to get lean and establish a healthy advantage over the Kentucky Fried Clucks emerging from their basements when this is over.

The alpha plan for post-COVID dating will get you there.

Optimize your online dating profiles!

Now that you’re staying fit and healthy, it’s time to connect in a safe way.

There are a ton of people cooped up at home looking for ways to have fun. Are your dating profiles on point?

Here’s what you need to do:

Profile Photo

Your profile photo should clearly show your face. No far away shots, groups or sunglasses. It’s all about you baby!

Sorry, Not Sorry…Slideshows are Boring!

Include around 6 additional photos – show off the different aspects of your personality.

Some of these shots should be “action shots”. Did you do something interesting? Show it off.

But seriously, don’t overdo it. The goal is to spark curiosity, not bore them with a slideshow of your life.

And when it comes to group photos, keep them to a minimum.

Also, selfies are out. Sorry front facing camera, we’ll miss you.

Hit play on your dating life!

COVID-19 brought the world to a screeching halt. There’s plenty of depressing coronavirus news out there – just flip to a cable news channel or check your social media feeds.

For the sake of your mental health, I encourage you to shift your attention elsewhere.

Hey, dating is a fun distraction! No, you don’t have to break social distancing guidelines – in fact your love life could benefit from being stuck at home (watch Advice for Dating in Isolation below).

[Insert WingmamTV YouTube Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VL9_NEjcEWQ]

When you connect with someone online while in isolation, you have an excuse to establish emotional intimacy.

You can share your experiences, let down your barriers and learn about the other person.

This is a COMMUNICATION GOLDMINE for new and existing relationships.

Talk and connect from the comfort of home. (You can do the next part of my alpha plan for post-covid dating at home, too!).

Get your performance back!

Okay, I saved the best for last. Acoustic Wave Therapy is something I want every guy out there to get up to speed on – total game changer.

Let’s be honest, you’re not getting younger. All of those trips around the sun (and to the fridge) can hit below the belt.

For dudes this means that your circulatory system isn’t what it was in your teens.

Heart health is always important, but if you’re having circulation issues, getting hard is going to be harder than it needs to be.

Why?

Micro-plaque builds up in your blood vessels. It’s kind of like forgetting to change the oil in your car – things are going to break down faster and performance takes a hit.

You’ll want a bat made from the finest wood to hit home runs when the stadium lights come back on.

Acoustic Wave Therapy gently breaks up plaque to restore blood flow and stimulate neovascularization (creation of new, healthy vessels) – helping you get back to your peak sexual performance.

You can head to a clinic and pay thousands of dollars for a course of treatments, or you can follow this link to learn about The Phoenix and save a ton of money.

Do your own tune up from the comfort of home (or anywhere else) and skip the awkward doctor’s office chat.

I want you to own this chapter of your life. Commit to healthy habits, dial in your dating profiles, connect and learn about your partner in an emotionally authentic way and seriously – make sure your cock-a-doodle-do is ready to welcome the morning sun.

You got this!

Signs She’s NOT Into You (And When She Might Be!)


20 Signs She’s Not Into You … Unless!

Reality land can feel crappy but at least you might avoid embarrassment by knowing the signs she’s not into you.

You know how it is when you like her and she seems to enjoy your company but you’re not sure if she likes you as a friend or more.

Well, there are signs she likes you and then there are signs she’s just not that into you and if you look for both, you’ll have a good idea if you should go for her.

There is, however, one time when she likely won’t show any of signs at all, whether she really likes you or not.

She Might Be Interested but Won’t Show Signs IF…

Here’s a true story…

A woman I know once approached a man she didn’t know on a social media site (who had mutual friends) who she thought was attractive. (See, it does happen!)

She didn’t want to be too bold, even though that is kind of her style, so she asked him out for coffee.

I like to call this “dropping the handkerchief” which is what fine ladies used to “accidentally” do in the olden, golden days to get a man’s attention.

He would swoop in and rescue the ‘kerchief opening the door to a conversation.

This was a subtle way of giving the man a green light to approach.

So, anyway, back to the true short story…

The handsome fellow in our real life story didn’t reply to the woman’s message and nothing came of it.

Years later they met in person.

He showed no romantic interest in her (see, it does happen!) and even though she thought him attractive, she showed interest in him in exactly the way I mention in the video!

(A real cliffhanger, I know!)

Fiiiine… since I don’t share this story in the video, I’ll at least let you in on the ending…

Nothing happened. #friendzone

By the way, I’m of the abundant mindset that having friends is a good thing, even if romance isn’t part of God’s plan.

Some people don’t have any friends and there are a lot of benefits of the friend zone.

Now What if She’s a Millennial?

Does the game change then? And if yes, how??

Millennials are a whole new breed of, well, breeders, and they kind of break the dating game status quo.

So, are there signs she’s not digging you romantically/sexually if she’s a Millennial?

Yes, indeed!

And they’re the same signs as for non-Millennials, but with one big difference.

Watch the video to spot the signs she’s not into you and if you think you’re in the friend zone, watch the playlist below as well.

And don’t worry, if she’s not into you, there are things you can do to up your game or, even better, find a better match!

You got this.

xo AJ

Get the woman you really want with my WakeUP2Luv program here!

Donate or buy my memoir here!

Cyber-Dating Expert


OkCupid Voting Report

With the combustive election cycle heading into high gear, you have to be living under a rock to avoid the topic of politics.

In fact, not having an opinion can hurt your chances of finding a date or a romantic partner, according to a new report from OkCupid.

The site reports that politics continues to be the top deal-breaker in dating, with 76% of singles saying how their date leans is vital to them.

According to the OkCupid Voter 2020 report, 500,000 people responded they could not date someone who didn’t vote, with 85% of registered voters more likely to receive a message from a potential date, and 63% of registered voters more likely to get matched.

OkCupid Registered Voters

“Now more than ever, daters want to connect with people who share their values,” says Ariel Charytan, OkCupid’s CEO. “We have always empowered people to match on what matters to them, and our millions of daters across the United States overwhelmingly prioritize civic engagement when it comes to finding someone they are compatible with.”

RELATED: Love at the Polls: Close to 90% Won’t Date Someone Who Didn’t Vote

To help single daters during this gut-wrenching and unprecedented time, OkCupid has created a new voter badge that will automatically be added to members’ profiles if they answer the question, “Are you registered to vote in the 2020 election?”

OkCupid voter badge

This voter badge shows you care about this divisive country we’re living in. By including this badge, along with a previously released badge for Black Lives Matter displayed on your profile, is, in my opinion, a magnet for love.

Singles who say they aren’t registered to vote will soon be redirected to a page on OkCupid in partnership with “When We All Vote,” to register to vote in real-time. The WWAV initiative was launched by Michelle Obama, Tom Hanks, Lin Manuel-Miranda, and Janelle Monae, among others, to help singles register to vote in the 2020 election.

Love is at stake, and now is the time to show your values to connect with someone during this critical and historic election.

If the pandemic and civil unrest haven’t widely opened your eyes, perhaps OkCupid’s state-by-state interactive map will show how singles feel about serious issues of families separated at the border, prison reform, climate change, and stricter gun control. At least they’ll give you topics of conversation to discuss when you match with your date.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you swipe and roam leading to election day.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author and creator of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, and has been helping singles navigate love for over 25 years.

FOLLOW @JulieSpira on Instagram and Twitter.

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