18 Signs She’s Gaslighting! (Video added!)

Signs She’s Gaslighting!

What is gaslighting and what are the signs she’s gaslighting you?

Gaslighting is basically when someone mind *bleeps* you into questioning your sanity and reality by manipulating, misleading, or straight out lying.

By the way, these apply equally to men gaslighting women, so pay attention to if you display any of these unhealthy and abusive behaviours.

If you do any of these things, I highly recommend you watch my Nice Guy playlist (at the end of this post).

Nice Guy Syndrome is when a guy isn’t actually nice at all but instead has a hidden, selfish agenda to get what he wants from others in manipulative ways.

Don’t be that guy.

Now, if you’ve been with (or are with) a gal who is driving you crazy in a not-good way pay attention to your feelings.

Your feelings may be signs she’s manipulating you or signs you have self-esteem issues you need to work out.

Between your feelings and her actions, you’ll have a good idea if she’s a bad idea.

Signs She’s Gaslighting Based on Your Feelings


  1. Are unhappy for no reason.
  2. Have lost your confidence.
  3. Are easily confused.
  4. Have trouble making decisions —or…
  5. Make bad decisions.
  6. Are always questioning yourself.
  7. Are always apologizing to her.
  8. Think you’re always messing up.
  9. Make excuses to protect her bad behaviour.
  10. Think you’re too sensitive.
  11. Don’t think you deserve her or anyone.
  12. Think you’re not good enough.
  13. Think if you lose her you’ll be alone forever.

If you have three or more, you likely have low self-esteem regardless if she’s gaslighting you.

The question is: Are your self-worth issues because of your stinking thinking developed from perceptions about past traumas?

And / or —

Are your issues because she’s an overt or covert narcissist gaslighting you?

Overt narcissists are obvious in their poor treatment of you; covert narcissists tend to be more Sneaky Monkey manipulative in the ways they mistreat you.

Gaslighting Truth

The truth about whether these feelings are caused by you or her is somewhere in the middle, my friend.

The fact is, if your self-esteem was rock solid, you wouldn’t put up with this kind of mental and emotional abuse.

We teach people how to treat us.

That’s worth repeating…

If you are letting someone mistreat you—YOU are letting someone mistreat you.

Here’s another goodie…

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Nothing changes if you don’t change something.


The Progression of Gaslighting

The longer it takes to make a change, the less likely you’ll be to get the desired result you want.

Gaslighters usually start subtly early in the relationship to gauge your reaction and up the ante as the relationship progresses.

In other words, if you’ve allowed her to get into the habit and pattern of mistreating you and now you want to switch tracks, well, that’s like trying to stop a train.

Going downhill.

With no breaks.

So, the sooner you nip it in the bud, the better for both of you.

If you don’t, there’s about a 95% chance you can’t and the only options are accepting the situation or breaking up and dealing with those consequences.


Ok, but now let’s see if she really is gaslighting you or if you’re a needy simp who has some seriously repressed emotional stuff to work on STAT.

Signs She’s Gaslighting Based on Her Words / Actions

Example 1 – Testing You

You’re chatting up a girl in a coffee shop and discover she loves pizza and casually mentions you should go sometime. (Meaning: go together.)

She say’s she’s free Thursday evening, but later when you text her to get together she says something like:

“I’m sure I told you I’m not available until Friday. That work?”

She might be disorganized or she might be gaslighting. Pink flag.

When you do try to get together to go for pizza, she says, “Oh, I’m on a diet, no pizza for me!”

You remind her she’s the one who suggested it and she gets pissy and says,

“No, I said YOU should go. And besides, a girl can change her mind, anyways—not that I did!”

You don’t know what to make of this and wonder if she’s crazy or stringing you along.

The flag is getting redder, my friend.

But then she suggests going to Cactus Club because they have great salads.

So you jump on it because at least she wants to get together.

Example 2 – I’m Not Crazy, You Are

Now you’re dating and want to start introducing her to your friends so you invite her to a friend’s BBQ event.

She says, “Sure” and you give her the event details of time and place.

But when you remind her of the BBQ the day before she says, “You know I don’t like crowds, bae.”

When you question her she says, “I must’ve been on my phone or something, I’d never have agreed to that.”

You react (any reaction even appearing dumbfounded or confused).

She gives a dramatic sigh and says, “Fine, if it’s that important to you then I’ll go, but you owe me.”

Maybe throwing in, “They don’t really like you, anyway. They just know you bring booze.”

You tell her everyone brings booze and she just shrugs it off unbelievingly or says, “Believe whatever you want if it makes you feel better” dismissively.

Example 3 – She be Fibbing

If you’ve been dating awhile, her gaslighting might escalate to outright lies.

“I told you I was going out with the girls on Friday.” She did no such thing.

“Why do you hate my friends? They like you. You’re so mean to me.” She’s projecting her own feelings.

“You said you’d buy me that purse for my birthday, but this is nice, too.” Um, no, you said if she got the raise, she should treat herself.

“Why do you always put me last on your list of priorities?” When she’s clearly first.

Hint: Be careful of using or hearing words like “always” and “never.” Pink flag.

Example 4 – Bait and Switch

“I asked you to fix the bookshelf why are you wasting time on the recycling?”

Um, no, she clearly said the recycling was irritating her the most.

You sigh in exasperation.

She says, “Don’t be so dramatic. I told you this a few days ago. That bookshelf is going to the Goodwill, anyway.”

Wait, what Susan?

She walks away saying over her shoulder, “Don’t be so sensitive.”


“You’re trying to make me feel bad. Congratulations, it worked.”

Example 5: The 180

If she senses she’s gone too far and you’re going to leave her she’ll turn on the charm and make you believe you’re the mean one and lucky to be with her.

You toss the toolkit in the corner, grab your keys and stomp out without saying a word, mad as hell.

She calls after you, “Where are you going…?”

But you just slam the door and go full MIA for hours not reading or replying to texts or phone calls.

When you return, she’s made dinner and is wearing your favourite sexy lingerie.

She doesn’t apologize—or maybe she does—and tries to play off like nothing happened.

She may try to seduce you by whispering in your ear, “Let’s make up.” Wink wink nudge nudge.

Or ever so coquettishly, “You know I get a little crazy a few days before my period.”

So you either give in or you confront her and the cycle repeats itself.

Welcome to Gaslighter Crazyville!


p.s. To avoid Crazyville, click here to get my WakeUP2Luv program and do the steps in it!


Nice Guy’s Playlist

Narcissistic Women Playlist

Shit Test Playlist

Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything!

How to Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything

Being attractive to women isn’t only about physical qualities. In fact, how to attract a woman without saying anything starts with mindset!

Of course women notice physical qualities, but they are as, or more, influenced by personality traits.

If you happen to be good looking by society’s standards as well, then sure you have an advantage.

But if you don’t have standard good looks then you’ll need to develop the character traits women actually fall for and stay for.

And the way to attract a woman without saying anything relies on what you don’t say.

The Allure of Mystery

Women love mystery. Mystery makes us wonder what you’re about.

All you have to do to believe me is look at any Hollywood movie where the woman is googly-eyed over the hero.

What do Superman, Batman, James Bond, Borat 😉 all have in common?

Setting aside their Hollywood looks, megabucks and super power/s they’ve got…


Mystery gives women something to work for—finding out the secrets we think you keep from the world.

If a woman can get you to be vulnerable with her, it not only gives her ego a boost but she feels a 00-special bond with you because of it, because she believes she’s special.

You don’t share those intimate vulnerabilities with just any woman, after all.

The equivalent coup for a man is when a he has to wait for or work for physical intimacy with a woman.

You want her to give it up quick and easy, but you respect her more when she doesn’t.

You feel special because you believe she doesn’t indiscriminately share her body with every Tom’s Dick who shows up.

Intimacy — In To Me See

Keep in mind once you’ve locked down the right gal, you’ll have to keep the mystery alive to keep the relationship alive.

You’ll want offer enough crumbs of vulnerability to keep her engaged and happy without overdoing it.

Women think they want to know all your secrets and have you express all your vulnerabilities and fears with them, but in reality they get turned off if you provide too much of that.


Maternal Mode

Because as soon as she feels you becoming insecure, needy or dependent she goes into maternal mode.

Women are natural caregivers.

Like it or not, PC or not!, women are still the biological mothers of the world.

We want to care for you and nurture you with our gentle femininity once in awhile, but when we’re in that mode our libido takes a back seat.

Healthy relationships require men and women to share their vulnerabilities, fears and hopes, but it’s a delicate balance if you want to also maintain mutual physical attraction.

To know how and when to express your vulnerabilities while maintaining masculinity in her eyes, watch my video on How to Balance Masculinity with Vulnerability.

So, let’s go into some of the things you can say—or rather not say— to attract a woman without saying anything.

You’ll need to display all of these when you’re courting and dating and most of them when you’re in a committed relationship.

Tips on How to Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything

If you can pull off all of the following, it’s going to show up in your body language before you ever share your first, “Hello, Sexy.”

That’s why it all starts with mindset!

  1. Not “am I good enough” but “is she right enough.”
  2. Stay grounded, centred, masculine.
  3. Be in the present don’t focus on the future.
  4. Text is for info not convo (talk in person).
  5. Turn off “Read.”
  6. No texting until after work; min 1 hr if not working; no reply after 9pm.
  7. Don’t reveal everything all at once (feelings, future etc).
  8. Always leave them wanting more. #mystery
  9. Playful teasing sexual tension keeps you outta da #friendzone!
  10. Do not talk about exes. Just say, “I haven’t met the right one … yet ;)”
  11. Never trash talk anyone.
  12. Take 100% responsibility for your life.

Remember, you are the prize! But also remember not to take her for granted once you’ve got her or she’ll pull away or leave you.

If that’s happening, or to be proactive to make sure it doesn’t happen, watch my playlist on Why She Pulls Away and How to Get Your Ex Back.

How To Not Lose Yourself When Dating

Reading Time: 7 minutes

Dating Advice: How to not lose yourself when dating.

WOW!!! You have met someone and they have completely blown your mind. It might even seem too good to be true!

Conversation is incredible, chemistry is on fire and the connection runs deep.

But wait a minute, how did it get from “tell me your favorite color” to “planning our wedding favors” in a hot second?

Only a few weeks back, we were talking about what we enjoyed doing when we were kids, to now sharing a toothbrush! Okay… maybe not that far!

Whilst dating can sometimes have its challenges and be quite daunting and stressful because of the uncertainty of the whole situation, it can also be such an exhilarating time. You have the opportunity to get to know someone before you decide to take any next step to transitioning into a relationship.

How To Not Lose Yourself When Dating

“Pacing Not Racing”

Relationship Specialist Ivona Gordon uses the term “pacing not racing” when reviewing aspects of her life. This term can objectively be applied to matters of dating too.

It is not to say that there cannot be fast progress when you meet someone. That is for each individual to use their discernment based on their personal situation.

As quoted by Kira Cochrane: “And the only rule is that there are no rules.”

However, in most cases, one of the main purposes of dating is to appraise one another’s suitability and compatibility as a long term companion.

Do you share the same “core” values and common goals, dreams, and desires as the other person? Commonalities that can lead to sustaining a healthy, fulfilling, diamond-dazzling relationship with them? If there are differences, can you work together to appreciate and embrace them?

Have you allowed sufficient time to assess the person’s character? Do they have the ability to fulfill your needs, to treat you with love, respect, kindness, compassion, and understanding? Do they have the overall qualities and attributes you deserve from a significant other?

Remember, to attract your ideal love life, the responsibility for connecting starts with you. It begins with you having a strong, loving relationship with yourself, particularly as this sets the bar for any relationship you will have in the future.

Taking all of the above into account, here are 5 more strong considerations to factor in, to ensure that you do not lose yourself when dating and in any relationship that might develop:

1: Emotional Availability

Is the person emotionally available for you?

Everything in life starts with connection and this includes a relationship with a compatible significant other. We make a true relationship connection when our heart touches another heart. It is therefore difficult to have a healthy relationship without an emotional connection.

Identifying emotional unavailability is not always easy. Emotionally unavailable people tend to have trouble with their relationships, often maintaining some distance and desiring to date casually.

Emotionally unavailable people can make you feel amazing about yourself and have all of the intentions to be your ideal significant other. They can give you hope about creating a life with you, but when it comes to commitment and taking action, they are wishy-washy, offer false promises, and do not “show up” for you.

Not only that, if they are not long out of a previous relationship, are pining for their ex, family, or previous life, and/or have past traumas, you might find that their heart and mind will not be with you completely.

It is not your responsibility to make an emotionally unavailable person more available. This is their choice and they will need to explore the reasons why they cannot be “all in” with you.

Should you find that you are doing all of the relationship work and/or despite all of your efforts to build a solid connection with the person, they are choosing not to fully commit to you and you have spoken to them about your feelings and concerns, it is essential that you do not compromise your self-worth and your value by changing who you are to accommodate their unavailability.

You will need to honestly reflect upon whether the person is best serving the happiness and fulfillment you truly desire and deserve and is indeed right for you.

2: Art of Conversation

Effective, consistent communication and authentic connection are 100% vital when dating. This is particularly heightened during this current pandemic when a key component of dating such as meeting in person might be missing due to social distancing rules.

Communicating with integrity helps to build trust and confidence. This is why it is so important to master your online and offline conversations. This can be achieved by understanding your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and how the other person thinks and communicates.

This awareness helps you to know how you can adapt and improve your style in order to communicate well and deepen your emotional connection with them. During your conversations, ask yourself:

  1. How do I feel right now?
  2. What could the other person be feeling right now?
  3. How does the situation feel right now?

And remember to “Be All E.A.R.S.”

E…xplore by asking questions

A…ffirm to show you are deep listening

R…eflect your understanding

S…ilence, listen some more

Trust your gut and be open and honest in your conversations, whilst sharing at a pace comfortable for you. #PacingNotRacing

3: Set Healthy Boundaries

We all have needs and it is important to allow ourselves to feel that this is natural and okay.

What is not healthy is when you completely set aside what you want and need in an effort to please the other person, particularly if you do not think you have a choice.

If you realize their needs are being met far more often than yours are or they make you believe that you want what they want, it is time to set healthy boundaries.

You need to be crystal clear with the other person on who you are and what you want. You need to express your beliefs, your values, and your limits.

Knowing how to say “No” is a key way to set boundaries.

When effectively expressed, it allows you to step up and stand your ground whilst keeping a workable relationship.

Remember, if you say “Yes” when you mean “No” then you are denying your own needs. This leaves you powerless in the situation.

Your boundaries are imperative and deserve to be acknowledged and respected.

4: Keep Practising Self-Care

Your self-care on a daily basis is crucial. It is necessary to look after your physical, mental, and emotional well-being even whilst dating. Especially when you may find you have less time for yourself as you are spending more time connecting with the other person.

If you allow yourself to be depleted to the point where your physical and emotional tank is empty, everybody loses, including the other person and specifically YOU!

When you nurture yourself, you will have more nurturing to give to the other person.

Factoring in some ‘Me Time’ is a great source of self-care. ‘Me Time’ is anything that lights you up or fascinates you.

It could be going for a walk, a trip to the movies, or a night out with friends. Or having a massage or volunteering. It might be enjoying a long relaxing bath, pampering yourself at home, reading a book, or some personal development. Anything you enjoy!

‘Me Time’ is a chance to fully absorb yourself in what you are doing and celebrate you!

Spend quality and regular time following the passions that stir your soul and make your heart sing. Give you the ‘Me Time’ you are truly worthy of.

As a result, not only will this be of great benefit to you, it will enhance the quality of your dating experience and any relationship that will follow. Why? Because you will be feeling a high vibe!

5: Stay Connected With Others

You do not want to become ‘The Disappearing Act!’

The person who is a BFF or is there for people when you are single. But as soon as you start dating and enter into a relationship, you drop them abruptly.

Although it is normal to have less time and availability when you meet someone new, it is not okay for you to completely disappear only to re-emerge when in need. So be sure to continue to keep nourishing and making time for your existing connections and support networks, both personally and professionally.

Dating and relationships can have ups and downs. Many people find it beneficial to talk to someone about the highs and lows. Whether it is a friend, family member, support groups, online communities, or a professional, either to just bounce off ideas, share their excitement, or during more challenging times.

Surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, brighten your day, and make you feel better can be invaluable in navigating any uncertain moments.

It is critical to note that asking for help and talking things through is not a sign of weakness; it actually shows strength, bravery, and self-awareness. Furthermore, it helps strengthen your relationships and connection with the people you turn to. Whilst also allowing you to oversee the dating experience with perspective.

Final Note:

Here is a bonus nugget… daily affirmations are powerful for helping you to not lose yourself during dating and in your love, life, and relationships in general. One to get you started is:

“I AM the best at being myself.

I AM ready, receptive, and grateful for receiving all goodness in my life.”

Because YOU absolutely ARE!

Dating does not need to be rushed, particularly if you would like to attain a fuller picture of what the person is all about. It is key to manage each other’s expectations and understandings by having openness and transparency around how you would like to “date”, how you feel it is going, and the vision of a future relationship.

AND trust your intuition during the dating experience and any ensuing relationship. It is always right.

KNOWING that when you stay connected with your true personal power, you CAN achieve dating success and make your love life dreams a reality!

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The post Can You Make Her Want You More? appeared first on Dating Coach for Men.

Alpha Plan for Post-COVID Dating!

Stuck at Home? Here’s the Alpha Plan for Post-COVID Dating!

Stuck at home? IT BLOWS…and not in the fun way. 😉 So I’ve been busy working on an alpha plan for post-COVID dating.

There are only so many episodes of Tiger King and The Office.

It’s time to upgrade your COVID-19 routine – and I’m not talking about mixing a better quarantini.

If you’re single and want to swing for the fences when the dating world gets back to normal, it’s time to engage your inner-alpha.

Even if you’re in a relationship, don’t let yourself slide backwards – this alpha plan for post-COVID dating will help you, too!

Alpha Plan for Post-Covid Dating

What should you be doing right now to set yourself up for success?

This is your moment to shine! You’ve got weeks (potentially months) to work on yourself, uninterrupted.

Plus, this whole social distancing / isolation thing could do wonders for your love life (more on that in a second).

It’s time to take control and get that cute butt of yours into gear.

Seriously, get your @#$ off the couch!

Get moving! COVID-19 isn’t an excuse to sit around the house and check the refrigerator for surprise food every 15 minutes.

Walk / run at least a mile or two every day.

Getting outside is great for your mental health, too. If you’re worried about COVID-19, just keep a safe distance from others. You’re outside in the fresh air for crying out loud!

I’m also gonna let you in on a secret: If you got fat and COVID lazy, you’re heading home alone.

Use this time to get lean and establish a healthy advantage over the Kentucky Fried Clucks emerging from their basements when this is over.

The alpha plan for post-COVID dating will get you there.

Optimize your online dating profiles!

Now that you’re staying fit and healthy, it’s time to connect in a safe way.

There are a ton of people cooped up at home looking for ways to have fun. Are your dating profiles on point?

Here’s what you need to do:

Profile Photo

Your profile photo should clearly show your face. No far away shots, groups or sunglasses. It’s all about you baby!

Sorry, Not Sorry…Slideshows are Boring!

Include around 6 additional photos – show off the different aspects of your personality.

Some of these shots should be “action shots”. Did you do something interesting? Show it off.

But seriously, don’t overdo it. The goal is to spark curiosity, not bore them with a slideshow of your life.

And when it comes to group photos, keep them to a minimum.

Also, selfies are out. Sorry front facing camera, we’ll miss you.

Hit play on your dating life!

COVID-19 brought the world to a screeching halt. There’s plenty of depressing coronavirus news out there – just flip to a cable news channel or check your social media feeds.

For the sake of your mental health, I encourage you to shift your attention elsewhere.

Hey, dating is a fun distraction! No, you don’t have to break social distancing guidelines – in fact your love life could benefit from being stuck at home (watch Advice for Dating in Isolation below).

When you connect with someone online while in isolation, you have an excuse to establish emotional intimacy.

You can share your experiences, let down your barriers and learn about the other person.

This is a COMMUNICATION GOLDMINE for new and existing relationships.

Talk and connect from the comfort of home. (You can do the next part of my alpha plan for post-covid dating at home, too!).

Get your performance back!

Okay, I saved the best for last. Acoustic Wave Therapy is something I want every guy out there to get up to speed on – total game changer.

Let’s be honest, you’re not getting younger. All of those trips around the sun (and to the fridge) can hit below the belt.

For dudes this means that your circulatory system isn’t what it was in your teens.

Heart health is always important, but if you’re having circulation issues, getting hard is going to be harder than it needs to be.


Micro-plaque builds up in your blood vessels. It’s kind of like forgetting to change the oil in your car – things are going to break down faster and performance takes a hit.

You’ll want a bat made from the finest wood to hit home runs when the stadium lights come back on.

Acoustic Wave Therapy gently breaks up plaque to restore blood flow and stimulate neovascularization (creation of new, healthy vessels) – helping you get back to your peak sexual performance.

You can head to a clinic and pay thousands of dollars for a course of treatments, or you can follow this link to learn about The Phoenix and save a ton of money.

Do your own tune up from the comfort of home (or anywhere else) and skip the awkward doctor’s office chat.

I want you to own this chapter of your life. Commit to healthy habits, dial in your dating profiles, connect and learn about your partner in an emotionally authentic way and seriously – make sure your cock-a-doodle-do is ready to welcome the morning sun.

You got this!

Get Anna’s memoir, Me: A Rewrite, here; Get WakeUP2Luv here; Buy Anna a cuppa Joe here.

Thank you, heart you, bless you!

True or False: Nice Guys Finish Last?

Nice Guys Finish Last But Good Men Come In First

The reason “nice guys” finish last and good men don’t is because the difference between nice guys and good guys is … self-assurance and intention.

And now here’s a photo of a dolphin …

waxing your dolphin

No, just kidding.

Well, yes, it is a photo of a dolphin, but there’s more to this whole nice-guys-finish-last story.

And if you don’t want to be a single guy waxing his dolphin forever, focus here fellas!

Nice Guys Finish Last because they:

  • don’t trust themselves enough to have solid opinions
  • agree with everything she says to be amenable
  • avoid potential mistakes by not making decisions
  • have ulterior, selfish motives

Good Guys Come in First because they:

  • trust themselves enough to have solid opinions and aren’t afraid to share them
  • disagree with things that don’t align with their beliefs (respectfully)
  • are confident decision makers because they’ve learned from practicing [making decisions]
  • are straight-shooters without a hidden agenda (key word: hidden!)

Women prefer good men over nice guys because women want to feel safe, and a man with self-assurance and integrity makes her feel safe.

Let’s analyze …

A woman believes that a man with solid opinions, who can make decisions and disagree when necessary, will be able to “take care of” her, and since women’s primary need is to feel safe—emotionally and physically—his self-assurance goes a long way to achieving that goal—even if he isn’t capable of taking care of her.

Do women need to be taken care of?

In the modern age and in the Western world, not really, but despite feminism, feeling safe is still an innate need.

I don’t know a woman who doesn’t want to feel safe and (at some level) taken care of. Even if she can’t admit it (even to herself).

And this doesn’t mean a man needs bags of money. I’m not necessarily talking about that kind of “taken care of.”

The three most powerful words a man can say to a woman are, “I got this!”
Bryan Reeves

Sociology / Biology

Because of sociology and/or biology, women are attuned to the most innocuous feelings of others: we are the (physically) weaker sex, “reading hint” is part of our survival mechanism.

The feminine aspect of (most) women’s nature is far more sensitive to picking up subtle signs of fake niceness over genuine goodness.

When you’re “too nice,” she won’t trust that you’re being honest and real with her and, therefore, aren’t trustworthy!

I’ll tell you right now, fibbers don’t make women feel safe. Nuhuh, no, sir, do not pass go.

Go back to the hand lotion. Back off and whack off, Buster!

But when a man has his own opinions, and especially when he can disagree with her in a kind or even playful way, then she knows he’ll have an opinion when it really counts—like when he has an opportunity to physically protect her or verbally defend her.

Or even when she feels unsure about something and wants his opinion.

How to Go From Nice Guy to Good Man:

  1. Monitor yourself in conversations—with everyone, not just women.
  2. Contemplate how you feel about certain things that you usually simply agree with.
  3. When you discover a conflicting opinion, instead of agreeing with the person, ask questions.
  4. When you get comfy asking questions, offer alternative opinions, “Some people think [this], what do you think?” They may ask for your opinion. Here’s your opportunity to share your take in a non-aggressive way.
  5. Make decisions. If a friends says―Where do you want to eat?―even if you don’t care, offer a suggestion. You can make it easy on yourself by saying what you crave and letting them make the decision, or ask them what they crave and make the decision on where to eat.

Nice Guys Finish Last Takeaways:

  1. Lack of self-assurance comes from lack of practice; lack of practice comes from lack of self-esteem.
  2. Nice = fake. Kind = respectful.

The backbone to my WakeUP2Luv program is a step-by-step what-to-do plan to rewrite your (love) life, inside and outside… because you can read a bazillion blogs on how to build a bicycle, but until you start putting parts together, dude, you ain’t got no ride. 😉

xo AJ

If you enjoyed this blog or know someone who’s got a Costco card for hand cream, please share!

Feeling extra thankful for my work? Buy my memoir or make a coffee donation here. Thank you!

Also, here’s my newest video on nice guys:

And, what the heck, a playlist for y’all Costco shoppers 😉 …

What Women REALLY Want in a Man! (12 PROVEN Tips)

What Women REALLY Want

Good news, fellas! What women really want in a man are qualities any man can develop. For real, even you! 😉

The even better news is these are traits every man would feel better about improving regardless of what a woman wants!

If that’s not a win-win, I don’t know what is.

Now, for the skeptics who think all women really want a buff Chad with a big… wallet and a lot of power, success or fame, well, you’re right.


Okay, you’re half right.

Sure, most women appreciate those qualities but — and here’s the kicker — most women don’t need all those things to be happy and horny (for you).

True story.


Hypergamy is basically the act of a person marrying “up to the next level” which can include a man with good looks, money, power, fame etc.


Hypergamy is more pronounced in younger women, especially the “Ashleys” of the world who (because of youthful fertility) are biologically wired to respond to the qualities in men that will ensure they produce healthy and well-cared for offspring.

Wait, wait, wait, before you climb that tall bridge, hear me out!

The good news for the Every Day John is the personality attributes behind success in any form can be developed by you.

Yes, you!


Aside from naturally attractive genetics, it’s actually these traits women really want in a man!

Shut the front door! Am I right?

Yes, of course, some women want it all, but believe it or not, those women are far and few between.

Just like you want it all but you’d be super content with a gal who gets your motor running, respects and appreciates you, and isn’t too high maintenance.

Am. I. Right??


Watch and learn, my friend, watch and learn!

xo AJ

p.s. Step-by-step road map to developing the right traits for you: WakeUP2Luv.

p.p.s. Thank you so much for your generous coffee/chocolate donations! ❤️And for buying my memoir!???? I heart you!

Dating Educated Women! – Dating Coach for Men

Average Joe’s Dating Educated Women? Yep!

If you’ve considered dating educated women but don’t know if it’s a good idea or if an educated woman would consider dating you, keep reading!

Reality Land: 40-70% of new students entering post secondary schools are women!

This is both good and bad news for men. 

Interesting Tidbits About More Women Entering Post-Ed


If you’re in a place in your life when you’re looking for a good time not a long time you’ll have plenty of cozy companionship with women in college or university.

Feminism brought with it sexual liberation and freedom for women that men have enjoyed for years. 

There’s a good chance dating educated women means you won’t need to commit to anything serious. 

The less good news is…


Generally, women don’t want to “date down.”

This means an educated woman often expects a man to have a formal education if she’s to consider him for more than a one nighter.

Yep, you can get around this by improving yourself. (Get my WakeUP2Luv program for the detailed road map on doing that.)


Educated women don’t only prefer formally educated men because there’s a (perceived) higher chance of the man making bank—

Plenty of people are doing well without any formal education thanks to the diversity of opportunity brought to us by the internet.

—but if you’re not formally educated, dating educated women means you need to have some knowledge and/or intellectual ability.

More on that in the video, but suffice it to say educated women want men with any combination of: 

  • Ambition to obtain knowledge
  • Drive to self-improve
  • Mental / intellectual stimulation

There’s a difference between intelligence, knowledge and formal education.

Pros and Cons of Dating Educated Women

Whether or not dating an educated woman is a pro or con largely depends on what your beliefs and values are and whether or not they align with hers.

Potential Pros

  1. She may be able to contribute more $ to the relationship.
  2. Potentially interesting intellectual conversations.
  3. More options (women) to choose from. #supplyanddemand

Potential Cons

  1. Greater potential she’s a hard core feminist or social justice warrior.
  2. She may act superior or stuck up to men with less formal education.
  3. She may have impossibly high standards. #nevergoodenough

If you like the idea of dating an educated woman or simply want more women to choose from the best thing you can do is develop the traits all women appreciate.

Yep, my WakeUP2Luv program shares the details, but I’ll warn you… it’s a comprehensive course and will kinda make you look at where you sabotage yourself.

(Don’t worry, you don’t have to dwell on childhood trauma!)

If you haven’t already, consider dating educated women because you’ll open the door to a greater supply of single ladies!

More details in the video, including how to know if you should date an educated smarty-pants! 

Check it out!

xo AJ

p.s. Um, whether or not you want to date an educated woman, ALL women appreciate the traits you’ll develop from taking my WakeUP2Luv program. #brokenrecord

Also, why not!, here’s a playlist on what women really want aka #hypergamy…

Project: 50 First Dates―Date #4: Women’s Safety

For Women’s Safety & Your Dating Success…

Women’s primary need with men is to feel safe, therefore women’s safety should be at the forefront of your mind when online dating.

If you’re new to my blog, several years ago when I had just started blogging about my relationship theories, I “took up” online dating as a sort of study.

And, yes, I did disclose up front (on my profile), that I was doing research.

A few good men took me up on the offer of a real fake date and in exchange I provided them with honest feedback, something you’ll rarely if ever get on a real real date.

If you haven’t read about dates one, two and three, you can find them here, here, and here.

Date #4: Women’s Safety

Dating site: match.com
Age: early 50s
Kids: none
Work: network management

Concerned Citizen messages me on match.com to see if I’m also seriously looking for a mate or selectively soliciting business.

I replied back, “You’ll get honest feedback. Might help with the next one.”

We exchanged a couple brief texts, then he suggested we go to an exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery, and if things went well, maybe lunch after. Like.

A couple days later―why drag it out―I arrived early at the VAG. I texted him to let him know. He worked nearby and agreed to meet me early.

When he arrived, we got right to it. (No, not “that” to it. Sheesh.)

I told him why I’d been away for a month (family member died), which lead to a heavy conversation right off. (My bad.)

But at least he’d similarly offered intimate insights of his life.

We chatted about online dating, and I remember him telling me, after some hesitation, “Women give too much away.”

I asked him, “What do you mean?”

He replied, “Well, this is going to sound creepy. No, I better not.”

Hint: When you say, “I’d better not say…” know that you’re going to have to say!

I prodded, “Now, you have to tell me! No judgments. I’m here to learn, too.”

And so he told me how easy it is to find out “who they are and where they live and work and …”

He closed with, “I’m not a stalker.”

I said, “Yeah, but that does sound creepy. I might not start an interaction with that.”

Our whole conversation felt factual more than emotional.

I took it to mean he was either reserved, shy or nervous. (He actually didn’t come across as creepy.)

He reminded me he was really not a stalker and didn’t know how to tell women to watch out for guys who are.

“I’ll write about it. Alert the ladies. Safety first, after all.”

We went to the VAG exhibit―theme: culture. Effect: creepy!

However, the array of way-out-there exhibits was def definitely intellectually stimulating.

After 90 minutes exploring two of the four floors of VAG, I was mentally exhausted with brain overload.

“That’s all I can handle.” I told him, referring to the exhibit, and he agreed.

We left the building, not speaking but silently absorbing what we’d experienced―at least I was. Even though I had somewhere else to be, I wanted to go home for a nap.

I gave him a hug, and we parted ways.

Concerned Citizen seemed like a great guy, but because of our convo “Creepy Citizen” was my associated feeling toward him. (Which I told him is how all women would feel.)


  1. Artsy-fartsy cultural events provide for interesting amusement and stimulating conversation, but be sure to interact during the exhibition―your date is the main attraction, after all.
  2. If your date place is somewhere mentally rousing―not arousing, fellas―allot an hour maximum for that part so you have time and think-ability to chat after.
  3. Guys: Don’t do your “background checks” until you have a date secured―otherwise, that will creep women out and they’ll run like a scared hare.
  4. Incase any ladies are reading this: Be careful; there are weirdos out there! Do do your background checks first!
  5. Laughter is key especially on a first date. Though some serious topics can safely be discussed on Date #2, I’d skip the “women’s safety” and other deep convo on Date #1. Stick to mostly fun and playful.

I’m still getting over the bunny’s-head-on-big-stick exhibit. #creepy

If you want the map to better online dating during/post covid get my Double Your Online Dating video training today.

It’s short, sweet, compact and only $10US (price subject to change!), less than your next bad coffee date even if you go Dutch. 😉

If you’re offended (or Dutch), I won’t apologize for the non-PC remark, political correctness has gone too far.

xo Anna

Also! Check out this fab playlist on online dating, texting and long distance relationships!

Should You Date a Feminist Woman?

Seriously, Should You Date a Feminist? (Surprise!)

Before we get into should you date a feminist let’s look at what feminism is…

Generally speaking feminism is basically a belief and effort to achieve equality of the sexes. 

That’s the AJ simplified definition. 

I think feminism has gone too far, moving into preferential treatment of women, at least in some areas of the world.

If you live in the USA and have gone through a divorce, especially if children were involved, you know this to be true.

But not all feminists are misanthropists—they don’t all hate men.

Hear me out… 

Women have been brainwashed to act like men, but many ladies are conflicted by what they’ve been told is right (feminism) and our innate nature (femininity).

If she’s thinks she’s a feminist but displays signs of (unconscious or conscious) hypocrisy, she may not really be a feminist.

Or at least not a toxic feminist—one who loathes all men for whatever reason. (Example in video.)

By the way, if there are any women reading this who’d like to be more feminine, read my blog How to Be More Beautiful (and Feminine) here for the Cliff Notes and here for the Full MANifesto.


Social conditioning by social media and indoctrination via higher education institutions have brainwashed women into acting masculine.

  • Sexual liberation allows women to spread their seed, even though we’re built with eggs not sperm. 😉
  • Raising the glass ceiling for women in business means fewer women are purposefully becoming mothers earlier or at all.
  • Working in previously male dominated fields has created a “Boss Babe is a Goddess” movement.

Obviously, there are some positives for men in there, but there are also negative consequences for men and women.

Should YOU Date a Feminist?

In the video, I provide more info including:

  • Pros and cons of dating a feminist woman
  • When you could consider dating a feminist woman
  • Questions you need to ask yourself before dating a feminist woman

You’ll also want to check out my blog on Dating Educated Women here.

xo AJ

And if you’d simply be happy just getting a date, check out my Double Your Online Dating video training program ($10!) and my comprehensive WakeUP2Luv – Get a Girlfriend video training program ($97) here.

Should you date a feminist? Dating a feminist woman isn’t the right choice for all men but it can be the right choice for some men. Wait, whuuut? Watch the video! 😉

Links mentioned: 

Why She Tests You: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8Q-8-X18dkFVeRMpvW3s3SC3Vgu7I1d 

Damaged Women: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8Q-8-X18dkSudIvtlVD37IgqIWXnaMQ 

Watch Nice Guys: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8Q-8-X18dkVTxGbz0VK9p_bySymr3XW 

Narcissistic Women: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8Q-8-X18dkSudIvtlVD37IgqIWXnaMQ 

WakeUP2Luv Get a GF program: https://members.wingmam.com/get-women/ 

Donations & Anna’s Memoir????: https://wingmam.com/donate-memoir/