How to Test a Woman Ethically! (5 Tests to Use!)

How to Test a Woman

If you’re looking for the right woman, it’s imperative you accept that shit tests are part of the filtering process, so knowing how to test a woman ethically is critical to you future happiness with her.

No one likes being tested but the sooner we get over it the better we’ll feel because shit testing is here to stay.

Shit testing is part of a healthy filtering system so knowing how to test a woman (in an ethical way) provides both of you with useful info about each other.

Both men and women test each other — usually unconsciously — as a way of discovering the nature and character of the other person.

Shit testing (as opposed to teasing / flirting) reveals what a person is really like not what they want us to think they’re like or how they’re “acting.”

Make no mistake, 95% of people are filtering themselves at the beginning of a potential new relationship.

So, without further adieu, here is —

When to Shit Test a Woman

Before you randomly run out and practice how to test a woman.

You want to wait until the third date because testing can be a turnoff and you need to build up good points first or she may ditch and run.

Playful teasing, yes. Testing, not so much.

Before the third date you’re simply discovering if you get along and if you want to get to know her — not just her body — more.

If you’ve discovered before the third date that she’s not a keeper then there’s no need to test her.

If you’ve already decided she’s not girlfriend material and you’re simply seeing her again because you’re attracted to her and only want to have sex, there’s little need to put her through a test.

Shit tests are for the woman you might see a future with.

That’s because if you only have sex with someone, their character probably won’t matter much.

(Did you just have an “aha” moment? You’re welcome.)

But if you’re not the kind of guy who can have sex with a girl without developing feelings, then don’t have sex right away!

You may get attached to someone who’s totally wrong for you. (Maybe that’s already happened once or twice??)

If she’s your forever girl then do both of you a favour and get to know each other first.

And no, that isn’t anti-alpha behaviour! It’s just smart.

Okay, so she’s earned her right to a shit test by being amazing for at least two dates, now what?

The Ultimate Test

Let her pay for the third date.


I shit you not.

You’re going to either suggest splitting the check or if she grabs for it then let her pay — or almost pay.

I did a video on WingmamTV on whether or not men should pay for dinner. The summary of that video is:

  1. Men should pay for the first date.
  2. Women should at least reach for the check on the second date.
  3. Ladies ought to either pay for the third date or for dessert or offer to make dinner next time.

I won’t go into the details of why I believe in the above here because you can find more details in that video (at the end of this post).

But the gist of the ultimate test isn’t to actually make her pay or to be fair or to honour women’s lib or any of that crap.

It’s meant only to see how she reacts.

Her reaction will tell you a lot about what kind of person she is when you get past her sexy exterior.

  • Does she become visibly angry?
  • Does she make a disparaging remark?
  • What does her body language say?
  • Does she refuse to kiss you even though you were making out after the last date?
  • She could be a taker.


  • Does she thank you for letting her pay?
  • Will she offer to make dinner next time?
  • Does she simply pay without acting like a diva?
  • She could be a keeper!

Now, if you’re a traditional man and can’t stand a woman paying for your meal, don’t let her follow through.

But before you grab the bill away, at least see her reaction.

Then at the last minute, you can say something like, “You know I think it’s a sweet gesture that you’re willing to pay, but I’d feel a lot better if you’d let me.” And then take the bill.

Do not tell her you’re testing her! For Baby Jesus sake, don’t tell her that until after your wedding day.

No one likes being tested, we simply all need it and I guaran-f’ing-tee she’s testing you, too, Sir.

In fact, if she’s the one who offered to pay that in and of itself might be a test, dude, to see if you’d let her pay!

And her reason may be to see if you support women’s lib or to see if you’re a stingy and glib, so …

If you think it’s cool for her to pay — let her pay.

And if you don’t think it’s cool for her to pay — don’t let her pay.

If you want the real right girl for you — YOU gotta get real, too.

Note: If you intend on letting her pay, make sure you choose a super affordable venue.

xo AJ

p.s. Road Map (with markers) to the real right girl here #WakeUP2Luv:


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Cheers to your success in life and love!

xo AJ

Project 50 First Dates—First Date #5: Smoke Signals

Is Smoking a Dealbreaker?

Dating site:
Age: 50s
Kids: don’t think so.
Work: management

In all fairness, it was my fault.

I didn’t read his profile.

Or maybe I did, and I can’t remember because they―dating site profiles―start blurring together after a while.

Hey, don’t judge―this is honesty. Anyone on a dating site long enough will agree.

I’ll save you a lengthy lead up and simply cut to it: Not a right match—he didn’t meet my Top 5.

We interrupt this blog to let the knew people in the room know this post is a revisit to a few years ago when I was testing out a 50 First Dates project.

I’m not on the market, please don’t send me your love resume. 😉

Back to the blog…

He wore eau de cigarette smoke―usually a sign of a cigarette smoker―which is a definite no way for me.

(This is why even The Gerry wouldn’t make the cut for me in real life. For real.) 

Also, Smoke Signals liked to go on extended road trips to places remote and unknown―like Alaska.

I like to go on short walking jaunts in high heels to high-priced espresso shops, like anywhere with sirens in the background.

Blog interjection! I’m still into short jaunts, but also more into sensible heels. When did I get old??

Okay, fine, I like road trips, too, but I need balance and Smoke Signals kinda loathed anything “vanity.”

(Apparently, fashion shows aren’t “nature enough.” *Meh, shrug*)

I’d still go to a fashion show if we’re ever allowed to again. Maybe. (In sensible shoes.)

By the way, I knew better about making the date, he refused to talk on the phone before meeting me, but I felt desperate to get my date on because I was behind in my 50 dates social study.

My bad. Apologies all around. (Though, I would’ve asked had we chatted!)

Here’s how singles can learn from my hasty date-making decisions …

The Quick and Dirty Takeaways:

You’ll save time and effort in the dating site long run if you …

  1. Read their profile: obvious, and yet many don’t do this!
  2. Engage in the 2/2/1 step: two dating site IMs; two offline emails; one quick (10-15 min) phone call. Then meet ‘n greet ‘n go from there.
  3. Four of five of the guys I dated during this project slouch. Stop that! It comes off as lazy, insecure (not confident!), and uninterested. Which of those qualities is sexy? (Exactly.)

Now that there are limitations everywhere on events of any kind, more and more quality prospects are trying online dating.

But the good ones don’t last, guys!

They either get overwhelmed, turned off, or swooped up STAT.

So, if you haven’t tried online dating, now might be the time, but make sure to give yourself the best chance of success with my Double Your Online Dating video training. It’s only $10!

xo AJ

P.S. Make sure to subscribe to Wingmam newsletter to receive these juicy exclusive tips straight to your inbox.

Long Distance Relationships, Online Dating, Texting Tips

Where to Meet Women

3 Best Photos to Use on Dating Apps (& THE 7 Worst!)

BEST Photos to Use on Dating Apps (& THE 7 WORST!)

The best photos for datings apps are less important than the worst photos for dating apps/sites.

The reason has to do with a psychological term called “the halo effect.”

The Halo Effect

The Halo Effect is the phenomenon whereby we’re influenced long term by our first impression—even if plenty of new information conflicts with that impression.

In other words, because of our biases, if we’re turned off right away, it’s tough to turn us back on.

As well, if we’re turned on right away, it’ll be a challenge to turn us off.

However, since women’s primary need is for safety, we tend to err more on the cautious side and get turned off more easily.

So it’s critically important to not turn her off with your dating app or dating site photos.

In online dating, you rarely get a second chance.

The Goal of Pics for Dating Sites

I did an interview awhile back with Greg Schwartz, dating coach, and he offered these tips.

  1. Get her to swipe right or click for more info.
  2. Spark initial chemistry.
  3. Create physical attraction (or at least don’t deter her)!
  4. Show attractive (not typical) interests.

Greg suggests you have at least two of the above for any photo you include in your dating profile. (I agree.)

While there are many good images you can include in your photos for dating apps, there are three key photos every profile must have.

3 Best Photos to Include

  1. Clear head (or head and shoulders—no dandruff!) shot with nothing obstructing the eyes, preferably looking directly at the camera.
  2. Body shot—not the Spring Break kind, more on this in a bit—showing your full physique with clothing on!
  3. Looking happy doing something you love. Hobby, sport, friends. (Caveat to follow!)

Then you can add some other photos to represent who you are and how you live. See my Double Your Online Dating video training for more info. $10US. <— stellar price!

Now what about what not to include?

7 Worst Photos to Not Include

1. Selfies!

Especially bathroom selfies! Especially shirtless bathroom selfies! (One exception applies, stay tuned.)

Her translation: you’re vane, shallow, need validation, are just looking for sex, or have no friends.

Key point: Women need proof of social competence. (Understanding Women playlist below.)

2. Unclear, grainy or dated image of face!

Such as wearing a hat and sunglasses or in shadows or looking away from the camera.

Her translation: You’re insecure, hiding from someone or the law, or ugly.

Key point: Women’s primary need is to feel safe.

3. Puppy love!

If the main photo or multiple photos are of you and/or your dog, cat, pet iguana or turtle dove.

Her translation: You have no friends and/or you’re overly attached to your dog (this may be true) and she’ll always be in 2nd place to your pup.

(Unpopular) Key point: While all pet owners should love and take care of their animal, if your pet will always be a higher priority than your relationship, you’re not ready for a relationship.

4. Photos of you drunk!

Her translation: You’re an alcoholic or drinking is very important to you.

Further translation: You’re immature and irresponsible. (One exception applies, stay tuned.)

Key point: If she’s looking for a long term relationship, she wants to be with someone who’s actually ready for that.

5. A main photo as a far away shot!

Avoid photos that you can’t be identified in, like on a mountain, especially if no close up photos included.

Her translation: Danger! Shreddies killer! Or… you’re hiding something or insecure about your appearance.

Key point: What you don’t show in your profile says a lot, too!

6. A main photo with friends!

Don’t use a main photo of you and a bunch of guys. It’s confusing.

Put one photo with friend last and only if you’re best looking guy in the bunch.

Her translation: — Nada. (She doesn’t have time to figure out which one you are, swipe left.)

Key point: Make it easy for her to NOT swipe left!

7. Photos of “stuff!”

Avoid photos with you not in the shot, but of images of things like cars, animals, concert tickets etc.

Her translation: He must be super into “this” and expects me to be, too.

Key point: Unless it’s a dealbreaker that she like whatever’s in that photo without you in it, delete or at least make it interesting and put it last.

Remember, all your photos must score minimum two out of four on the Photo Goals Checklist!

Get a whole bunch of other tips on dating app and dating site photos, bios, first communication, first date and follow up in my Double Your Online Dating video training program!

Want the full meal dealio, the advanced program for becoming the most irresistible man you can be?

Then get my WakeUP2Luv program. If you think you can handle it, Sir! x 😉

Playlist for Online Dating & Communication
Playlist for Understanding Women

Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything!

How to Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything

Being attractive to women isn’t only about physical qualities. In fact, how to attract a woman without saying anything starts with mindset!

Of course women notice physical qualities, but they are as, or more, influenced by personality traits.

If you happen to be good looking by society’s standards as well, then sure you have an advantage.

But if you don’t have standard good looks then you’ll need to develop the character traits women actually fall for and stay for.

And the way to attract a woman without saying anything relies on what you don’t say.

The Allure of Mystery

Women love mystery. Mystery makes us wonder what you’re about.

All you have to do to believe me is look at any Hollywood movie where the woman is googly-eyed over the hero.

What do Superman, Batman, James Bond, Borat 😉 all have in common?

Setting aside their Hollywood looks, megabucks and super power/s they’ve got…


Mystery gives women something to work for—finding out the secrets we think you keep from the world.

If a woman can get you to be vulnerable with her, it not only gives her ego a boost but she feels a 00-special bond with you because of it, because she believes she’s special.

You don’t share those intimate vulnerabilities with just any woman, after all.

The equivalent coup for a man is when a he has to wait for or work for physical intimacy with a woman.

You want her to give it up quick and easy, but you respect her more when she doesn’t.

You feel special because you believe she doesn’t indiscriminately share her body with every Tom’s Dick who shows up.

Intimacy — In To Me See

Keep in mind once you’ve locked down the right gal, you’ll have to keep the mystery alive to keep the relationship alive.

You’ll want offer enough crumbs of vulnerability to keep her engaged and happy without overdoing it.

Women think they want to know all your secrets and have you express all your vulnerabilities and fears with them, but in reality they get turned off if you provide too much of that.


Maternal Mode

Because as soon as she feels you becoming insecure, needy or dependent she goes into maternal mode.

Women are natural caregivers.

Like it or not, PC or not!, women are still the biological mothers of the world.

We want to care for you and nurture you with our gentle femininity once in awhile, but when we’re in that mode our libido takes a back seat.

Healthy relationships require men and women to share their vulnerabilities, fears and hopes, but it’s a delicate balance if you want to also maintain mutual physical attraction.

To know how and when to express your vulnerabilities while maintaining masculinity in her eyes, watch my video on How to Balance Masculinity with Vulnerability.

So, let’s go into some of the things you can say—or rather not say— to attract a woman without saying anything.

You’ll need to display all of these when you’re courting and dating and most of them when you’re in a committed relationship.

Tips on How to Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything

If you can pull off all of the following, it’s going to show up in your body language before you ever share your first, “Hello, Sexy.”

That’s why it all starts with mindset!

  1. Not “am I good enough” but “is she right enough.”
  2. Stay grounded, centred, masculine.
  3. Be in the present don’t focus on the future.
  4. Text is for info not convo (talk in person).
  5. Turn off “Read.”
  6. No texting until after work; min 1 hr if not working; no reply after 9pm.
  7. Don’t reveal everything all at once (feelings, future etc).
  8. Always leave them wanting more. #mystery
  9. Playful teasing sexual tension keeps you outta da #friendzone!
  10. Do not talk about exes. Just say, “I haven’t met the right one … yet ;)”
  11. Never trash talk anyone.
  12. Take 100% responsibility for your life.

Remember, you are the prize! But also remember not to take her for granted once you’ve got her or she’ll pull away or leave you.

If that’s happening, or to be proactive to make sure it doesn’t happen, watch my playlist on Why She Pulls Away and How to Get Your Ex Back.

99% of ALL Women Get Turned on When You Say “This!”

Women Get Turned on When You Say “This” (For Real)

Do ALL women get turned on when you say “this?” or is this just click bait, Anna?

Ok, seriously, I’m not pulling your leg (or anything else, get your mind out of the gutter!)

Yes, all quality women get turned on when you say “this,” I promise.

What woman doesn’t qualify as a quality woman?

Glad you asked!

Gold diggin’ Deidres, shallow, self-entitled Susans, and hard core-hard way-left feminist Felicitys.

So, if those aren’t the kind of women you’re interested in, carry on, Garth! 😉

Make Her Work For It

The reason this word works for you is because it makes her work to get you.

We all value things more when we have to work to get them.

Studies show that delayed gratification is greater gratification. It’s the same with women.

When she’s earned your attention, trust, intimacy and the whole shebang, she’ll feel special.

Just like you feel special if you have to work for her she bang bang.

If you know she’s not putting out indiscriminately, her choice to give it up for you means you’ve met her higher standards.

And even if you’re not looking for a woman with high standards, like if you just want to get some bang bang, that’s ok.

But, reality is unless you’re a Chad (naturally good-looking et al.), this tiny word is the word that works best for the Not Chad’s of the world because …

Women respect men with standards and are turned on by those kind of men!

The edited version because YouTube demonetized the first one, grrr…

Thank you for watching this edited, shorter version! And for watching some of the ads.

I heart you.

The Cut Bit

Basically, the part I had to delete was about the trollops at the bar at closing time.

They’ve already prepped themselves for action so you don’t have to. You just have to not screw it up. Or be Chad.

Expand your potential with women, check out my online self-study programs here.

Feel extra appreciative, buy my memoir or spot me an overpriced coffee here.

xo AJ