Common Long Distance Relationship Problems That You Need To Avoid


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Long-distance relationships can be quite challenging, but it doesn’t mean that it is impossible. If both of you willing to put in extra effort and hard work, a long-distance relationship can totally work. So in this article, we’re gonna talk about what are common long-distance relationship problems that you need to avoid?

Most of us will experience a long-distance relationship at a certain stage in our lives. It either we have a long-distance relationship from the start or our partner need to travel because of pursuing higher studies or career growth.

From my own experiences, I could say that a long-distance relationship is indeed tricky and have their own unique set of complications. If you are not prepared, even a small mistake can ruin your relationship.

common-long-distance-relationship-problems

Common Problems With Long Distance Relationships

The main problem for long-distance relationships is the distance itself. The distance itself can make a small problem becoming a bigger problem. Why? Because the way you communicate with each other is not gonna be the same as normal couples.

Most of the time, you will communicate through text messages or phone calls. So there could be a lot of misunderstandings that can happen along the way. Text communication can be easily misrepresented because you can’t rely on body language or facial expression to explain certain issues.

It is true that the internet and video calls do help a lot making a long-distance relationship easier to manage. But it still lacking in terms of direct human-to-human connection such as hugging, touching, or kissing.

A relationship that missing all those connections will definitely become more fragile than normal relationships. That is why it is important for you to be more prepared for the problems that might arise when you are living apart.

1# Trust issues

Every relationship starts with love, but love alone cannot survive without trust. According to the experts, you need to put effort to build trust in your partner, especially if you are in a long-distance relationship. No healthy relationship can exist without trust.

Trust will hold your relationship together and make you both grow stronger. Trust will allow you to feel safe enough even though you are far apart from each other.

Be transparent and address any issues that arise together with your partner. If you had any doubt about their activity, their friends, or anything that caught your attention, talk to your partner. It is important for you to tell your partner these worries so that both of you can work on them together.

Read Next: How To Not Lose Yourself When Dating

Never ever let your past experience haunt your new relationship. No matter what happens in your last relationship, you should be aware that you actually dating a different person. Do not treat or assume that he will be like your previous partner.

This is clearly unfair and you should stop hurting each other this way. Give your new partner and yourself a chance to prove that not everyone is gonna be the same. Who knows, maybe he is the one for you. Be open and enjoy your new relationship.

2# Too much talking

This problem is pretty common for couples who have just begin their long-distance relationship. As a new couple, you might be spending hours and hours every single day talking to your partner. It is either through text messages, phone calls, or video calls.

It is true that communication is essential for a long-distance relationship. But having too much conversation with your partner will only hurt your relationship in the long run. If you are doing so, you should stop doing this before it becomes your habit.

As the relationship matures, this habit will be one of the annoying long-distance relationship problems. If you aim for a lasting relationship, it would be best if you can keep things balanced.

Yes, you can communicate with them every day to establish a consistent time to talk or to catch up with your partner. It doesn’t need hours and hours of chattering, just a short and meaningful conversation should be enough.

And if you want to make things more special, try to plan out your next video call. Instead of having the normal video call, maybe both of you can wear a nice dress to impress each other. Or you can cook together while on call.

3# Jealousy

As a human beings, all of us can sometimes feel jealous. A bit of jealousy may even give your partner a new appreciation. But uncontrollable jealousy can be lead to a destructive combination of distrust, possession, fear, rage, and shame.

In a relationship, inconsistencies and misunderstandings also can lead to jealousy. They occur even more often as you go through with your everyday life. It could be because of the cute secretary that your boyfriend works with or the nerdy classmate of your girlfriend.

Jealousy is an instinct that may arise in any relationship due to a lack of trust and a feeling of insecurity. If you keep feeding your jealousy then there is a very high chance that it will consume your thinking and make you do irrational things.

To avoid this problem to go out of control, you should avoid feeding your jealousy. Get back to point number 1, if your partner has never given you any reason to think that they are unfaithful, then trust them.

4# Avoid pointless argument

Please avoid unnecessary arguments as best as you can. Because if you don’t, this problem might kill your relationship. The rule of thumb to avoid unnecessary arguments are never ever argue and get into a complicated conversation with text messages.

As we have discussed before, things can be easily miscommunicated when texting. So, there is a huge chance that your problem will lead to another problem. Then both of you will start having a pointless argument.

If you are not solving the real issues, this pointless fight will keep on happening. Every day is something new, a small little problem getting bigger. As an example, there will be an issue where you think that your partner is not paying enough attention. Or their tone was off in a text message. Or they did not call you back within 15 minutes and more.

When you start fighting every single day, you will start feeling tired. And when it is tiring, you will start to question whether the relationship is worth it or not. Once you start thinking that way, it is almost the sign of a bad relationship.

5# A sense of appreciation

Appreciate your partner, the big, the small, the silly, and the imperfect of them. This practice teaches you to be grateful for everything you have, it creates space to feel enough for the little things that happen in your life.

One of the major emotional needs for every human is the want of appreciation for all their effort, no matter how big or small it is. And this ‘appreciation’ becomes more crucial for long-distance relationship couples.

Read Next: What To Do If You Are Feeling Unappreciated In Your Marriage

I still remember one of the stories that I read online about this one long-distance couple. There is one girl who shared her story. She said that one day her boyfriend come to surprise her. She was so happy but then she said something like this to her boyfriend.

“I thought you’re at least bought me a bouquet of flowers.”

Her boyfriend’s face suddenly changes, he was kind of shock and feels sad. Then he said something like this.

“I think you are the one who should buy me a flower.”

That girl not really get it and ask him why she should buy him a flower.

Then her boyfriend said, “I across thousands of miles to be here just to see you. Did I not deserve some flower?”

From the story, that girl learns that her boyfriend does not really ask for something in return. He just wants her to appreciate his effort. That’s all.

Couples who are physically living away from each other need tons of appreciation from each other. Ongoing appreciation is essential for you to satisfy the emotional needs that you both have. Appreciating someone makes them feel goods and indirectly strengthening your relationship.

If you are interested to learn more about appreciation in your man, I suggest you check out our article: Man’s Hero Instinct. In that article, we talk about men’s deepest desire for meaning and purpose. You will also learn why men crave appreciation from his girl.

How to survive the distance?

Being in a long-distance relationship is not easy because not many people can cope with the challenge, the stress, or the distance. That is why things like trust, communication, appreciation, compromise, and understanding are very crucial in a long-distance relationship.

Trust me, if you can give your best to understand how this kind of relationship work, this long-distance relationship can be one of the best relationships you have ever had. Remember,  when two people truly love each other, distance is just a small issue. This is because you know that what you have is far greater than the distance between you.

Read Next: Why Do Men Pull Away After Getting Close?

Relationship life can be a lot better when couples have a strong understanding of each other. If you are in a true love relationship, you should understand this. That is all from me, I wish you all the best in your long-distance relationship.

What Makes You a Real Man to Her?


What Makes You a Real Man to Her (Features All Women Love)

What makes you a real man to her? Well, there’s only so much you can do with what God gave you, but there are some features all women love that any man can develop.

And the best part is… the features all women love aren’t physical attributes!

Sure, most women appreciate a man who’s fit and healthy or even nice looking, but if you want to win her heart—and other bits, wink wink—for the duration, you must to appeal to her innate need for what makes a real man.

What Makes a Real Man

You’ll not be surprised by the first of the features all women love because you hear it over and over again.

Confidence

This is not to be confused with aggression or arrogance, which are both turnoffs!

True confidence comes with knowing your self-worth as a person but, more specifically confidence as one of the features all women love, is your confidence as a man.

Your certainty in the world with women!

You don’t need to brag or try to impress women and that humbleness translates into confidence.

You’ll see how this plays out as we go through the other qualities of what makes you a real man to her.

Leadership

You don’t need to be bossy or take over when it’s not your place but you have no problem stepping up and leading.

Women love a man who leads with confidence—ooh la la!

And what makes you a man to her in the area of leadership is when you lead the relationship.

Generally, this comes from being confident in where you stand in the relationship and assuming you’re the best choice for her.

It also comes in trusting yourself to make decisions and then following through on those decisions.

Which brings us to…

Bravery

Bravery comes from courage.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the presence of fear and the strength to move through it.

Women love heroes!

You can be her hero by making those tough decisions and doing things she thinks are scary.

Whether you’re quitting a lousy job to pursue your career passion or speaking up to your boss about getting that raise you deserve, what makes you a real man to her is your ability to face your fears.

Sure, if it’s something big that could affect both of you—like moving across the country—you may need her support and encouragement, but she’s got to see you making theses choices mostly on your own or she’ll feel like your mommy.

Mommy mode = non arousal mode.

Courage is sexy, but for it to be one of the features all women love, it has to come with self-motivation.

Along the lines of bravery is…

Say “No” (to Her!)

A man who can say “no” to a woman is a man who values himself. Self-respect is sexy AF.

In fact, self-respect is a mandatory pre-requisite to sexual attraction.

A woman can’t be aroused by a man she doesn’t respect. Full stop.

Which means you’re going to need some of this next trait for what makes a real man to her.

Resolve

Resolve is when you’ve decided something and nothing and no one can get you off track of following through on it.

Worded in another way, it’s the internal strength that allows you to make that tough decision and take actionable steps to accomplish its end.

Like finding another job in that new city before you’ve left your current city and booking the moving truck.

Without encouragement. And without prodding. No hesitation.

It’s you saying, “I got this.” and meaning it for yourself.

Okay, now what about what women don’t love?

It should be no surprise based on the aforementioned features all women love that no women love…Mr. Too Nice Guy!

More details on this in the video.

And, be sure you’re subscribed so you get next week’s follow up with 5 more features all women love and how to be a real man to her!

xo AJ

Understand Women!: http://bit.ly/UnderstandWomenPlaylist
Be Alpha & Vulnerable: https://youtu.be/t9K2gSuPKmc
No More Mr Nice Guy book: http://bit.ly/MrNiceGuyBook
Why “Nice Guys” Finish Last: http://bit.ly/NiceGuyPlaylist

p.s. Step-by-step road map to becoming the real man your dream woman wants without compromising yourself is here.

Bipolar vs BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)


Bipolar vs BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

What’s the difference between bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder (BPD)?

Are all women with bipolar or BPD narcissists?

Most importantly — is she worth it?

Before we get into the differences between bipolar vs BPD, please keep in mind I’m not a psychologist or therapist, so I topped up my knowledge with research.

Shout out to Dr. Tracey Marks, Dr. Ramany Durvasula and Dr. Todd Grande, trained experts in bipolar vs BPD and narcissistic personality disorder.

Let’s explore…

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the Bible of psychological disorders et al.) describes the differences between bipolar and borderline personality disorder as follows—

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

BPD showed up as a pattern of unstable relationships, self-image and emotional expression marked by impulsivity, starting in early adulthood as exhibited in five or more of the following:

Frantic Efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment.

Example: You postpone plans because something important has come up but she thinks you’re avoiding her and don’t want to be with her anymore. You’ve given no reason for her to feel this way at any time.

Pattern of unstable and intense relationships (romantic or not) alternating between idealization and devaluation extremes.

Example: One day she gushes about how amazing you are and how she wants to spend the rest of her life with you and the next day you do the slightest “wrong” thing and she calls you a “stupid loser” and questions being with you at all.

Identity disturbance marked by persistently unstable sense of self or self-image.

Example: She acts like a spoiled princess expecting you to spend all your money on her and acts like you’re lucky to be with her and the next day her hair doesn’t go right or she gains a pounds and is overly dramatic about being fundamentally worthless worried you’ll leave her because she’s fat. She’s not fat. You did nothing to make her feel fat.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging.

Example: She goes on a big spending spree even though she’s lost her job and has no savings; gets drunk or does drugs and drives when she’s three sheets to the wind; overeats until she’s sick; or sleeps around recklessly not caring if you find out. Maybe all of these! #blazingredflags

Recurrent “ultimate self harm” — suicidal behaviour, gestures, threats or self-mutilating behaviours

Example: She cuts herself on purpose or threatens suicide.

Unstable reactive moods that rollercoaster or Bungy jump all over the place, depending on if bipolar or BPD.

BPD Example: She goes into a rage with you for little things like being five minutes late even if you texted her to let her know and the last time this happened she simply acted happy when you got there.

Bipolar Example: Same as above but she goes from rage when she sees you to loving and affectionate five minutes later when you meet up with your friends like nothing happened.

I’m throwing in the bipolar example now because—surprise!—most of these traits overlap!

The big difference in bipolar vs BPD is in how long the mood lasts.

More on this shortly, for now let’s continue with the list…

Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Example: She starts a fight over nothing but the intensity of the fight makes her feel something so her anger escalates. She may feel justified in the moment.

Which brings us to…

Inappropriate or intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.

Example: She doesn’t only interrupt, raise her voice if you interrupt or walk away and slam a door; she may yell, scream, throw things or physically escalate.

Transient, stress-related, paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms aka micro-psychotic episodes.

Example: Even though you’ve given her no reason to wonder because you’re as loyal as the year 2020 is long, she constantly questions you and cross-examines your every statement like a lawyer because she’s sure you’re cheating. You are not cheating.

Conversely:

Example: You got 100% caught cheating on her, but even though normally she would fly off the handle, outwardly she doesn’t react at all instead behaving as though nothing happened.

Remember, in order for a clinical diagnosis of bipolar or borderline personality disorder, the person must have at least five of the above.

The big difference with bipolar is these groups of behaviours may express and change within hours or less whereas with borderline personality disorder they can last a minimum of two weeks if in a depressive state or a minimum of one week if in a manic state.

So it’s whether the behaviours are episodic (bipolar) with quick mood swings, or pervasive (BPD) with slower mood changes.

Both may struggle with abandonment issues and can be manipulative; and both can be narcissists but aren’t necessarily so. More on this in a moment.

Think of it like comparing a scary bungy jump adventure (bipolar) vs riding a scary rollercoaster (BPD).

This is why these type of people can be so appealing!

Women with bipolar or BPD are a thrill to be with—spontaneous, exciting, never boring—but there are healthier ways for you to get your kicks.

Treatment

Good news and less good news, my friend: both bipolar and BPD can respond positively to treatment but there’s a “but.”

Bipolar disorder is primarily treated with medication and sometimes therapy whereas BPD is primarily treated with a special form of therapy and sometimes medication.

Here’s the “but.”

If she’s also a narcissist, that disorder (so far) has no cure. Behaviours may be modified but the core of her doesn’t change. #highrisk

Some of you may want to go back and score yourself on these!

Questions to Ask Yourself

Can she be helped?

Will she get help?

How can you support her in getting help?

But the most important question is…

Why are you with her?

Not all women are damaged goods.

Read that again.

Not all women are damaged goods.

So, if you keep attracting (and being attracted to) emotionally damaged women—whether with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder (or any combo therein)—why is that?

If this is you, get WakeUP2Luv and do. the. work.

You can get an amazing woman.

xo Anna

Watch

Red flags: https://youtu.be/mMrbcomCdk4 

Damaged / Narcissistic Women: https://bit.ly/DamagedWomenplaylist 

Self-sabotage: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8Q-8-X18dkmwwVhGpFygsimaRcTIbPi 

WakeUP2Luv: https://members.wingmam.com/get-women/ 

Donations & Anna’s Memoir🙏: https://wingmam.com/donate-memoir/

50 First Dates—First Date #6 (Almost) How to Break Up


How to Break Up with Someone You Just Met

How to break up with someone depends on how long you’ve been dating.

Basically, the less time spent together, the less format the break up need be.

But!

If in doubt, always err on the side of classy. If you’re not sure how to break up, level up one notch in  effort.

Dating Site: n/a; met in “the real world” but I’m counting this as date #6!
Stats: Never married, no kids, one dog
Career: Entrepreneur, medical field

Several years ago when I’d just moved to Vancouver, BC, I started a 50 First Dates Project.

I’m revisiting those first dates to update any tips that might help you in your dating life.

(If this is your first 50 First Dates post and want to start at the beginning, click here.)

50 First Dates Date #6

I had met Red—a fellow fire-top—at a social event I’d attended with friends.

He was sitting at a table next to us with a bunch of his friends.

I’d noticed he had meaty, manly hands—a weakness, so shoot me—and because I’m a shameless flirt (when my skin isn’t in the game, at least), I started a conversation.

“Hey, you―” he looked over at me, unsure, and I continued, “Yes, you. You’re handsome. I like your hands.”

My two girlfriends laughed at my brazenness. (Tipsiness?)

The 20Something beauty sitting next to Red gave me the stink-eye, but because I’d already downed one Cosmo (martini) and it’s rare to see a specimen (man) I find attractive, I couldn’t help myself.

Side note: What I find physically attractive in a man isn’t necessarily what society would expect. And noooo, I’m not available and nooo I’m not encouraging you to ask me out. (Please don’t.) I’m sharing this personal info as evidence you, Sir, don’t have to be movie star looks to get a good woman.

Back to the story…

Red blushed at my compliment. He didn’t seem to know what to do but glanced over a few more times.

“So, are you single?” I asked. “Or are you here with anyone? Come join us.”

He was there with a table of people. I waved him over, anyway. He joined us.

20Something’s mouth dropped open as her head tipped to the side in disbelief.

Honestly, people, I was not displaying classy behaviour here by stealing another woman’s potential date, but really, 20Something could have benefited if she’d paid attention.

And Red did have the option not to join us.

What do we know? As Mat Boggs, dating coach for women, coined: Men don’t speak hint.

If a woman is interested in a man, he ain’t going to mind her speaking up about how sexy he is. Am I right, fellas?

Anyway, I spent most of the night conversing with Red (Note to self: bad friend to my crew) and discovered we had a mutual acquaintance―his friend, Randy, “The Player.”

Either because he was shy or nervous or insecure, Red spent a lot of time telling me things likely meant to impress me, but my girl friends thought he was a braggart who was vain and shallow.

Note to gents: Bragging comes across as vain, shallow and insecure. Be way more subtle than you think you need to, she is paying attention, I assure you. Also, you’re already worthy.

Note to ladies (in case there are any here): Sometimes a man wants to impress you to show you they’re worthy of you. Take it as a compliment he thinks you’re all that.

I gave Red my business card and a few days later we started texting.

A few days later we had a date set up.

And a few days later I cancelled the date.

uh, not my feet

As much as the man was attractive (to me), smart and financially savvy (financial irresponsibility makes all women feel unsafe), I did’t think we were a right fit.

I:

  • detest the feel of sand on my feet, he loves the beach.
  • don’t like boating, he lives for the ocean.
  • loathe beach resorts, yep, that was his fave.
  • am not a pet person (I now love certain small dogs, individuals not breeds, and am a cat person but allergic), he had a dog.

The list went on.

I did’t want to lead him on with false hope or take advantage with the “proper dinner date” I’d originally insisted on.

I asked if he’d like to go on a hike instead, “as friends.”

He said he would. Maturity: check.

Who knows where things can go, but the friend zone is not a bad consolation prize.

When & How to Break Up with Someone

  1. As soon as you know for sure you’re not into the person, let them know.
  2. If you haven’t been on a date yet, or only one date, it’s okay to “break up” by text.
  3. But, if you’ve been on two or more dates, the classy thing to do is a phone call. Yes, with verbal words! (Emphasis for the youngins.)
  4. If you’ve bumped nasties, you need to break up in person, unless you live in different cities. It’s awkward, but come on, you knew you weren’t really into her before you got in to her, dude.
  5. If you kinda like each other but not romantically, remember if you take the classy route, she might recommend you to her sexy, single friends. Unlike your friend, Randy.

Last Note, Gents

Don’t get your knickers in a knot if she isn’t into you, whether it’s (almost) the first date or if it’s the fifth.

Hello!

That’s what dating is about—discovering whether or not we’re into the person.

A first date just means you passed the physical inspection. Remember, women need a lot more than being ok with your looks to consider you for any kind of relationship, short or long.

You’d do all a favour (most notably yourself) by not assuming she wants you or expecting her to want you simply because you’re on a date or you like them.

xo Anna

Remember, you have one shot to make a first impression, so make it a good one!

To make the best first impression on a first date, watch these:

Cyber-Dating Expert


Dating Sunday

 

The year 2020 will go down as one of the most challenging and gut-wrenchingly painful years in history with COVID-19 at heightened levels on New Year’s Eve, but it turned out to be one of the most active years for singles looking for love online.

The New York Times reports singles who are quarantining are proposing, and engagement ring sales are up, and OkCupid predicts more than 15 million new conversations around Dating Sunday this year, with 25 million new matches expected in January alone. 

Virtual dating took center stage as we zoomed and FaceTimed our way to navigate love.

Today, on Dating Sunday, 2021, the activity level for singles on dating apps is expected to hit record numbers, and you won’t want to miss this worldwide digital party.

What is Dating Sunday?

Every year, the first Sunday after the New Year is the day where singles who decided to put finding love at the top of their resolutions list, log on looking for love. For those who rang in the New Year solo, had a recent breakup, or have Valentine’s Day on their minds, Dating Sunday is the day where your digital dreams can come true. 

Due to the pandemic, I’ve found the perspective on finding a meaningful relationship is magnified.  Many of us are still stuck at home with travel and fine dining on the back burner, so today’s the day to revise your dating profile, add a few photos of your socially-distanced walks, post one with your favorite mask, and get ready to start chatting.

Our ongoing poll on DatingintheAgeofCovid19.com shows that 82% of singles want a long-term relationship more than ever. 

Dating in the Age of COVID-19

Tonight, you might even want to dress up from the waist up, with the likelihood of your conversation moving to an impromptu video date. (Hint: Keep lipstick handy). 

The most active time to be online is approximately 9pm, local time. 

With this in mind, here’s how to master Dating Sunday.

  • Update Your Profile  – Last year’s story shouldn’t follow you into 2021. By showing that you’re active now, it sends the message that you’re taking finding love seriously. If you’re listing vacations or group events, it’s time to update your profile to show you’re dating responsibly and have high hopes for the New Year.

 

  • Reach Out and Connect – Don’t play the waiting game. Initiate contact first, respond quickly, and even reconnect with someone where the conversation faded in 2020. It’s still a good time to wish someone you previously chatted with a “Happy New Year,” because we could all use some joy and happiness right now.

 

  • Use Spell-Check and Grammar Check Sloppy messages that say, “Hey,” won’t cut it. You’re home, and you have time to craft the perfect five-sentence message. Remember to ask a question so that you can create a dialog and develop a flirty rapport.

 

  • Create a Fun Virtual Background – Dating should be fun, and both you, and your surroundings need to look your best. Find a virtual background that matches your personality, and if you prefer a virtual date on the fly, make sure your surroundings are free of clutter. Bumble reports in-app video calls increased by 70% since March, so you can easily chat within their platform.

 

  • Know Your Intentions – A new year is the time to take inventory on the type of relationship you truly desire.  If someone’s profile states they’re looking for something casual, swipe left if your goal is to find a serious relationship or marriage.  It’s time to toss the crumbs in the trash, because wasting your time with someone who doesn’t have the same relationship goals will prevent you from having the amazing love you deserve. 

Put a smile on your face, and think about some of the positive activities you experienced in 2020 to share with someone new. From binge-watching Schitt’s Creek to taking a painting class or bike riding, it’s time to push the restart button with the help of your mobile phone. 

The Match Group saw a 40% increase in usage on Dating Sunday last year and Coffee Meets Bagel saw a 60% spike in new sign ups on Dating Sunday in 2020. Tonight is show time. It’s the “Super Bowl” of dating, leading up to Valentine’s Day.

If you need some hand-holding, find out how our Irresistible Profiles and VIP Digital Matchmaker programs can help you find love online in the new year. 

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. 

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s been coaching singles on finding love online for over 25 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and Instagram. Sign up for the FREE Digital Flirt Newsletter. 

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