What’s An Acceptable Age Gap When Dating?
Well, fellas, if you’ve ever wondered what’s an acceptable age gap when dating younger women, this update blog will help you out!
Provided she’s of legal age…
Short answer: Whatever works for you.
Long answer: It depends. Read on …
Factors Important to an Acceptable Age Gap
An acceptable age gap when dating depends on the chemistry, values, and long-term goals of both partners.
Since I work only with folks who are ready to settle down for the long haul without settling for the short stick, my views on ageism will apply as such.
If you’re interested in fooling around, testing ice cream flavours, or wanting a Sugar Baby or Sugar Daddy—nothing wrong with that—this post doesn’t apply to you.
Unless you’ve longed all of your life for a football-team-sized family, I believe our 20s should be for testing ice cream flavours.
Even though many twenty-somethings long for lasting love, practicality (divorce rates) suggest you’re better off getting to know people—including (especially) yourself—before selecting your one and only. #WakeUP2Luv
If you’ve only tried vanilla, one day you gonna wonder what chocolate tastes like. (Or maybe strawberry—but then again, I am biassed.)
Long Term Love
But if you’re interested in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship, then the acceptable age gap of a potential partner is a reasonable consideration not necessarily a deal breaker.
One of the major considerations for someone ready to settle down is whether or not they want children.
If they do want children, then age can play a factor.
Age Gaps Matter When it Comes to Kids
This may be the biggest consideration when figuring out the acceptable age gap for you.
She’s in her…
- 30s and wants kids or already has little ones from a previous relationship. He’s in his 50s. He’s got grown kids is done being a daddy.
- 20s and wants kids but not for another 10 years. He’s in his mid 40s and wants to start a family a-sap. No go. End game.
- 30s and wants kids STAT. He’s in his 40s and not sure about kids. First, he needs to get his second career off the ground.
End of story. End of romance. (Now, or later when it’s more painful.) Honey, you risking it big time.
OK, you get the idea.
What’s the rule about assessing a potential mate? Right, don’t go for potential!
No, she may not change her mind no matter how persuasive you think you can be.
And if she doesn’t and you’re now 55 and she’s left you for Bret because he’s young and fertile, how happy are you going to be?
Life is full of risk and reward. When it comes to love, only you can decide if she’s worth it.
Of course, people change their minds all the time.
I know of a woman who desperately wanted kids, and her partner didn’t.
And then he moved on to a new gal and bam! Babies be popping out like one of those automatic tennis ball shooting machines.
That’s life. It happens. Be glad it happened sooner than later.
Aside from wanting children, what other factors influence the acceptable age gap?
She worries he will …
- Die early leaving her sobbing in her Cab Sauv.
- Not want sex as far into their future as she thinks she will. (Tip: Get your testosterone checked!)
- Get diseased and need to be taken care of at a time when she still feels young.
- Let his physical condition slide and “get old” before she is ready to accept that fate.
- Lose cognitive capacities and they’ll lose the mental connection they had.
Guess what? These are all possibilities.
But it’s also possible she dies first. It happens.
It’s possible she will be the first to not want sex or to develop a disease, let her body go to pot, or lose mental connection.
We all know people who have suffered the result of these situations.
I know a couple who’ve been together for over 40 years. He’s 26 years older than she is.
They’re still in love. They still connect. I don’t know if they still have sex, but I’ll bet they have a deep intimacy, regardless.
And I’ll bet you know couples who are around the same age who don’t connect, aren’t in love, and don’t have sex (at least with each other).
AJ True Age Gap Story
My ex-husband is 16 years my senior.
He’s still the man to whom I set my what-a-good-man-is bar, even though we split up (largely) because he got lazy, and at the time, I didn’t know how to effectively inspire him to get un-lazy.
(He admits his part in losing my hand and is now happily remarried with someone he won’t take for granted. And I’m happy for him.)
Acceptable Age Gap Takeaways:
- Truly, age is just a number if you’re both over 30 or less than 10 years apart.
- As long as your beliefs, values and long-term goals are compatible, you’ve got as good a chance as anyone.
- You gotta know if you want (any/more) kids!