10 Secrets Women Don’t Want Men to Know


Secrets Women Don’t Want Men to Know About Us

There are many more than 10 secrets women don’t ant men to know about us, but these are the ones you want to know about!

So let’s get right into it…

1. We tell our girlfriends about you.

We think about about way down the road way too early in the relationship.

#2 is too juicy — but stay tuned, I won’t disappoint you! 😉

3. We over analyze everything you say or do anywhere, anytime, in real life and online.

We are hyper aware of you!

4. We don’t want you to know our “tally” 😉

Especially if we think you’ll think the number of men we’ve been with is too high. And it probably is because—

men prefer selective women with standards (for long term relationships)!

Another of the secrets women don’t want men to know is about…

5. Anything that could turn you off.

Examples include:

  • Medical condition
  • Mental condition
  • Bad relationships
  • No job / in debt
  • Family Issues

And even though women are hypergamous in nature—valuing money, power, status, looks and intelligence—the next of the 10 secrets women don’t want men to know is that—

6. We’ll compromise our innate hypergamous desires if you make us happy.

She just doesn’t want you to slack off!

7. We keep track of points differently!

You set up a whole romantic evening with many moving parts thinking you’ve scored big time and are way ahead of the love game when in fact you get one point.

I know, it’s so unfair, nonetheless, don’t rob the love piggy bank thinking you’re ahead!

8. Women need more stimulation in relationships!

  • Physical
  • Mental
  • Emotional

Sorry, Sir, relationships require continuous effort!

Especially if you’ve slacked in an area that was a selling feature!

You are the product!

If she’s been moody lately, you must ask yourself if you’ve let your warranty run out.

Warning signs:

  • Losing weight
  • Working out
  • Cuts her hair

If a woman is unhappy…

9. She’ll wonder who else is available.

You can only do what you can do!

But there is a lot you can do to keep her eye and heart from wondering and wandering.

Do what you can.

10. Women want a man who’s good at seduction!

When a woman is seduced, she can relax into her feminine and receive your masculine energy. And all the other fun parts! 😉

And now, back to #2, the juicy one…

2. No matter how gorgeous she is, most women are insecure about their bodies.

Compliment specific parts of her body!

Yep, her lips (both sets ;)—gasp!), breasts, nipples etc. #bespecific

Bonus Tip!

A lot of men don’t know how to compliment an attractive woman effectively.

Women prefer to be called “beautiful” over “hot”

Unless she’s under 25 or at the bar dressed like a skank or you’ve already been in your birthday suits together.

Just trust that “beautiful” is always a safe bet!

You’re welcome.

x AJ

More Details in the Video!

How to Test a Woman Ethically! (5 Tests to Use!)


How to Test a Woman

If you’re looking for the right woman, it’s imperative you accept that shit tests are part of the filtering process, so knowing how to test a woman ethically is critical to you future happiness with her.

No one likes being tested but the sooner we get over it the better we’ll feel because shit testing is here to stay.

Shit testing is part of a healthy filtering system so knowing how to test a woman (in an ethical way) provides both of you with useful info about each other.

Both men and women test each other — usually unconsciously — as a way of discovering the nature and character of the other person.

Shit testing (as opposed to teasing / flirting) reveals what a person is really like not what they want us to think they’re like or how they’re “acting.”

Make no mistake, 95% of people are filtering themselves at the beginning of a potential new relationship.

So, without further adieu, here is —

When to Shit Test a Woman

Before you randomly run out and practice how to test a woman.

You want to wait until the third date because testing can be a turnoff and you need to build up good points first or she may ditch and run.

Playful teasing, yes. Testing, not so much.

Before the third date you’re simply discovering if you get along and if you want to get to know her — not just her body — more.

If you’ve discovered before the third date that she’s not a keeper then there’s no need to test her.

If you’ve already decided she’s not girlfriend material and you’re simply seeing her again because you’re attracted to her and only want to have sex, there’s little need to put her through a test.

Shit tests are for the woman you might see a future with.

That’s because if you only have sex with someone, their character probably won’t matter much.

(Did you just have an “aha” moment? You’re welcome.)

But if you’re not the kind of guy who can have sex with a girl without developing feelings, then don’t have sex right away!

You may get attached to someone who’s totally wrong for you. (Maybe that’s already happened once or twice??)

If she’s your forever girl then do both of you a favour and get to know each other first.

And no, that isn’t anti-alpha behaviour! It’s just smart.

Okay, so she’s earned her right to a shit test by being amazing for at least two dates, now what?

The Ultimate Test

Let her pay for the third date.

Whaaaat?

I shit you not.

You’re going to either suggest splitting the check or if she grabs for it then let her pay — or almost pay.

I did a video on WingmamTV on whether or not men should pay for dinner. The summary of that video is:

  1. Men should pay for the first date.
  2. Women should at least reach for the check on the second date.
  3. Ladies ought to either pay for the third date or for dessert or offer to make dinner next time.

I won’t go into the details of why I believe in the above here because you can find more details in that video (at the end of this post).

But the gist of the ultimate test isn’t to actually make her pay or to be fair or to honour women’s lib or any of that crap.

It’s meant only to see how she reacts.

Her reaction will tell you a lot about what kind of person she is when you get past her sexy exterior.

  • Does she become visibly angry?
  • Does she make a disparaging remark?
  • What does her body language say?
  • Does she refuse to kiss you even though you were making out after the last date?
  • She could be a taker.

Or

  • Does she thank you for letting her pay?
  • Will she offer to make dinner next time?
  • Does she simply pay without acting like a diva?
  • She could be a keeper!

Now, if you’re a traditional man and can’t stand a woman paying for your meal, don’t let her follow through.

But before you grab the bill away, at least see her reaction.

Then at the last minute, you can say something like, “You know I think it’s a sweet gesture that you’re willing to pay, but I’d feel a lot better if you’d let me.” And then take the bill.

Do not tell her you’re testing her! For Baby Jesus sake, don’t tell her that until after your wedding day.

No one likes being tested, we simply all need it and I guaran-f’ing-tee she’s testing you, too, Sir.

In fact, if she’s the one who offered to pay that in and of itself might be a test, dude, to see if you’d let her pay!

And her reason may be to see if you support women’s lib or to see if you’re a stingy and glib, so …

If you think it’s cool for her to pay — let her pay.

And if you don’t think it’s cool for her to pay — don’t let her pay.

If you want the real right girl for you — YOU gotta get real, too.

Note: If you intend on letting her pay, make sure you choose a super affordable venue.

xo AJ

p.s. Road Map (with markers) to the real right girl here #WakeUP2Luv: https://members.wingmam.com/get-women/

MORE

  1. SUBSCRIBE TO WINGMAMTV! Watch, learn, share the love! ?
  2. DONATE a latte — or Lexus or your liver! Hey, I’m easy! (But not really.) ☕ THANK YOU for your coffee donations!
  3. Buy MY MEMOIR! But only if you like dark, silly comedy.

Cheers to your success in life and love!

xo AJ

Project 50 First Dates—First Date #5: Smoke Signals


Is Smoking a Dealbreaker?

Dating site: match.com
Age: 50s
Kids: don’t think so.
Work: management

In all fairness, it was my fault.

I didn’t read his profile.

Or maybe I did, and I can’t remember because they―dating site profiles―start blurring together after a while.

Hey, don’t judge―this is honesty. Anyone on a dating site long enough will agree.

I’ll save you a lengthy lead up and simply cut to it: Not a right match—he didn’t meet my Top 5.

We interrupt this blog to let the knew people in the room know this post is a revisit to a few years ago when I was testing out a 50 First Dates project.

I’m not on the market, please don’t send me your love resume. 😉

Back to the blog…

He wore eau de cigarette smoke―usually a sign of a cigarette smoker―which is a definite no way for me.

(This is why even The Gerry wouldn’t make the cut for me in real life. For real.) 

Also, Smoke Signals liked to go on extended road trips to places remote and unknown―like Alaska.

I like to go on short walking jaunts in high heels to high-priced espresso shops, like anywhere with sirens in the background.

Blog interjection! I’m still into short jaunts, but also more into sensible heels. When did I get old??

Okay, fine, I like road trips, too, but I need balance and Smoke Signals kinda loathed anything “vanity.”

(Apparently, fashion shows aren’t “nature enough.” *Meh, shrug*)

I’d still go to a fashion show if we’re ever allowed to again. Maybe. (In sensible shoes.)

By the way, I knew better about making the date, he refused to talk on the phone before meeting me, but I felt desperate to get my date on because I was behind in my 50 dates social study.

My bad. Apologies all around. (Though, I would’ve asked had we chatted!)

Here’s how singles can learn from my hasty date-making decisions …

The Quick and Dirty Takeaways:

You’ll save time and effort in the dating site long run if you …

  1. Read their profile: obvious, and yet many don’t do this!
  2. Engage in the 2/2/1 step: two dating site IMs; two offline emails; one quick (10-15 min) phone call. Then meet ‘n greet ‘n go from there.
  3. Four of five of the guys I dated during this project slouch. Stop that! It comes off as lazy, insecure (not confident!), and uninterested. Which of those qualities is sexy? (Exactly.)

Now that there are limitations everywhere on events of any kind, more and more quality prospects are trying online dating.

But the good ones don’t last, guys!

They either get overwhelmed, turned off, or swooped up STAT.

So, if you haven’t tried online dating, now might be the time, but make sure to give yourself the best chance of success with my Double Your Online Dating video training. It’s only $10!

xo AJ

P.S. Make sure to subscribe to Wingmam newsletter to receive these juicy exclusive tips straight to your inbox.

Long Distance Relationships, Online Dating, Texting Tips

Where to Meet Women

3 Best Photos to Use on Dating Apps (& THE 7 Worst!)


BEST Photos to Use on Dating Apps (& THE 7 WORST!)

The best photos for datings apps are less important than the worst photos for dating apps/sites.

The reason has to do with a psychological term called “the halo effect.”

The Halo Effect

The Halo Effect is the phenomenon whereby we’re influenced long term by our first impression—even if plenty of new information conflicts with that impression.

In other words, because of our biases, if we’re turned off right away, it’s tough to turn us back on.

As well, if we’re turned on right away, it’ll be a challenge to turn us off.

However, since women’s primary need is for safety, we tend to err more on the cautious side and get turned off more easily.

So it’s critically important to not turn her off with your dating app or dating site photos.

In online dating, you rarely get a second chance.

The Goal of Pics for Dating Sites

I did an interview awhile back with Greg Schwartz, dating coach, and he offered these tips.

  1. Get her to swipe right or click for more info.
  2. Spark initial chemistry.
  3. Create physical attraction (or at least don’t deter her)!
  4. Show attractive (not typical) interests.

Greg suggests you have at least two of the above for any photo you include in your dating profile. (I agree.)

While there are many good images you can include in your photos for dating apps, there are three key photos every profile must have.

3 Best Photos to Include

  1. Clear head (or head and shoulders—no dandruff!) shot with nothing obstructing the eyes, preferably looking directly at the camera.
  2. Body shot—not the Spring Break kind, more on this in a bit—showing your full physique with clothing on!
  3. Looking happy doing something you love. Hobby, sport, friends. (Caveat to follow!)

Then you can add some other photos to represent who you are and how you live. See my Double Your Online Dating video training for more info. $10US. <— stellar price!

Now what about what not to include?

7 Worst Photos to Not Include

1. Selfies!

Especially bathroom selfies! Especially shirtless bathroom selfies! (One exception applies, stay tuned.)

Her translation: you’re vane, shallow, need validation, are just looking for sex, or have no friends.

Key point: Women need proof of social competence. (Understanding Women playlist below.)

2. Unclear, grainy or dated image of face!

Such as wearing a hat and sunglasses or in shadows or looking away from the camera.

Her translation: You’re insecure, hiding from someone or the law, or ugly.

Key point: Women’s primary need is to feel safe.

3. Puppy love!

If the main photo or multiple photos are of you and/or your dog, cat, pet iguana or turtle dove.

Her translation: You have no friends and/or you’re overly attached to your dog (this may be true) and she’ll always be in 2nd place to your pup.

(Unpopular) Key point: While all pet owners should love and take care of their animal, if your pet will always be a higher priority than your relationship, you’re not ready for a relationship.

4. Photos of you drunk!

Her translation: You’re an alcoholic or drinking is very important to you.

Further translation: You’re immature and irresponsible. (One exception applies, stay tuned.)

Key point: If she’s looking for a long term relationship, she wants to be with someone who’s actually ready for that.

5. A main photo as a far away shot!

Avoid photos that you can’t be identified in, like on a mountain, especially if no close up photos included.

Her translation: Danger! Shreddies killer! Or… you’re hiding something or insecure about your appearance.

Key point: What you don’t show in your profile says a lot, too!

6. A main photo with friends!

Don’t use a main photo of you and a bunch of guys. It’s confusing.

Put one photo with friend last and only if you’re best looking guy in the bunch.

Her translation: — Nada. (She doesn’t have time to figure out which one you are, swipe left.)

Key point: Make it easy for her to NOT swipe left!

7. Photos of “stuff!”

Avoid photos with you not in the shot, but of images of things like cars, animals, concert tickets etc.

Her translation: He must be super into “this” and expects me to be, too.

Key point: Unless it’s a dealbreaker that she like whatever’s in that photo without you in it, delete or at least make it interesting and put it last.

Remember, all your photos must score minimum two out of four on the Photo Goals Checklist!

Get a whole bunch of other tips on dating app and dating site photos, bios, first communication, first date and follow up in my Double Your Online Dating video training program!

Want the full meal dealio, the advanced program for becoming the most irresistible man you can be?

Then get my WakeUP2Luv program. If you think you can handle it, Sir! x 😉

Playlist for Online Dating & Communication
Playlist for Understanding Women

Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything!


How to Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything

Being attractive to women isn’t only about physical qualities. In fact, how to attract a woman without saying anything starts with mindset!

Of course women notice physical qualities, but they are as, or more, influenced by personality traits.

If you happen to be good looking by society’s standards as well, then sure you have an advantage.

But if you don’t have standard good looks then you’ll need to develop the character traits women actually fall for and stay for.

And the way to attract a woman without saying anything relies on what you don’t say.

The Allure of Mystery

Women love mystery. Mystery makes us wonder what you’re about.

All you have to do to believe me is look at any Hollywood movie where the woman is googly-eyed over the hero.

What do Superman, Batman, James Bond, Borat 😉 all have in common?

Setting aside their Hollywood looks, megabucks and super power/s they’ve got…

Secrets!

Mystery gives women something to work for—finding out the secrets we think you keep from the world.

If a woman can get you to be vulnerable with her, it not only gives her ego a boost but she feels a 00-special bond with you because of it, because she believes she’s special.

You don’t share those intimate vulnerabilities with just any woman, after all.

The equivalent coup for a man is when a he has to wait for or work for physical intimacy with a woman.

You want her to give it up quick and easy, but you respect her more when she doesn’t.

You feel special because you believe she doesn’t indiscriminately share her body with every Tom’s Dick who shows up.

Intimacy — In To Me See

Keep in mind once you’ve locked down the right gal, you’ll have to keep the mystery alive to keep the relationship alive.

You’ll want offer enough crumbs of vulnerability to keep her engaged and happy without overdoing it.

Women think they want to know all your secrets and have you express all your vulnerabilities and fears with them, but in reality they get turned off if you provide too much of that.

Why?

Maternal Mode

Because as soon as she feels you becoming insecure, needy or dependent she goes into maternal mode.

Women are natural caregivers.

Like it or not, PC or not!, women are still the biological mothers of the world.

We want to care for you and nurture you with our gentle femininity once in awhile, but when we’re in that mode our libido takes a back seat.

Healthy relationships require men and women to share their vulnerabilities, fears and hopes, but it’s a delicate balance if you want to also maintain mutual physical attraction.

To know how and when to express your vulnerabilities while maintaining masculinity in her eyes, watch my video on How to Balance Masculinity with Vulnerability.

So, let’s go into some of the things you can say—or rather not say— to attract a woman without saying anything.

You’ll need to display all of these when you’re courting and dating and most of them when you’re in a committed relationship.

Tips on How to Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything

If you can pull off all of the following, it’s going to show up in your body language before you ever share your first, “Hello, Sexy.”

That’s why it all starts with mindset!

  1. Not “am I good enough” but “is she right enough.”
  2. Stay grounded, centred, masculine.
  3. Be in the present don’t focus on the future.
  4. Text is for info not convo (talk in person).
  5. Turn off “Read.”
  6. No texting until after work; min 1 hr if not working; no reply after 9pm.
  7. Don’t reveal everything all at once (feelings, future etc).
  8. Always leave them wanting more. #mystery
  9. Playful teasing sexual tension keeps you outta da #friendzone!
  10. Do not talk about exes. Just say, “I haven’t met the right one … yet ;)”
  11. Never trash talk anyone.
  12. Take 100% responsibility for your life.

Remember, you are the prize! But also remember not to take her for granted once you’ve got her or she’ll pull away or leave you.

If that’s happening, or to be proactive to make sure it doesn’t happen, watch my playlist on Why She Pulls Away and How to Get Your Ex Back.

99% of ALL Women Get Turned on When You Say “This!”


Women Get Turned on When You Say “This” (For Real)

Do ALL women get turned on when you say “this?” or is this just click bait, Anna?

Ok, seriously, I’m not pulling your leg (or anything else, get your mind out of the gutter!)

Yes, all quality women get turned on when you say “this,” I promise.

What woman doesn’t qualify as a quality woman?

Glad you asked!

Gold diggin’ Deidres, shallow, self-entitled Susans, and hard core-hard way-left feminist Felicitys.

So, if those aren’t the kind of women you’re interested in, carry on, Garth! 😉

Make Her Work For It

The reason this word works for you is because it makes her work to get you.

We all value things more when we have to work to get them.

Studies show that delayed gratification is greater gratification. It’s the same with women.

When she’s earned your attention, trust, intimacy and the whole shebang, she’ll feel special.

Just like you feel special if you have to work for her she bang bang.

If you know she’s not putting out indiscriminately, her choice to give it up for you means you’ve met her higher standards.

And even if you’re not looking for a woman with high standards, like if you just want to get some bang bang, that’s ok.

But, reality is unless you’re a Chad (naturally good-looking et al.), this tiny word is the word that works best for the Not Chad’s of the world because …

Women respect men with standards and are turned on by those kind of men!

The edited version because YouTube demonetized the first one, grrr…

Thank you for watching this edited, shorter version! And for watching some of the ads.

I heart you.

The Cut Bit

Basically, the part I had to delete was about the trollops at the bar at closing time.

They’ve already prepped themselves for action so you don’t have to. You just have to not screw it up. Or be Chad.

Expand your potential with women, check out my online self-study programs here.

Feel extra appreciative, buy my memoir or spot me an overpriced coffee here.

xo AJ

18 Signs She’s Gaslighting! (Video added!)


Signs She’s Gaslighting!

What is gaslighting and what are the signs she’s gaslighting you?

Gaslighting is basically when someone mind *bleeps* you into questioning your sanity and reality by manipulating, misleading, or straight out lying.

By the way, these apply equally to men gaslighting women, so pay attention to if you display any of these unhealthy and abusive behaviours.

If you do any of these things, I highly recommend you watch my Nice Guy playlist (at the end of this post).

Nice Guy Syndrome is when a guy isn’t actually nice at all but instead has a hidden, selfish agenda to get what he wants from others in manipulative ways.

Don’t be that guy.

Now, if you’ve been with (or are with) a gal who is driving you crazy in a not-good way pay attention to your feelings.

Your feelings may be signs she’s manipulating you or signs you have self-esteem issues you need to work out.

Between your feelings and her actions, you’ll have a good idea if she’s a bad idea.

Signs She’s Gaslighting Based on Your Feelings

You:

  1. Are unhappy for no reason.
  2. Have lost your confidence.
  3. Are easily confused.
  4. Have trouble making decisions —or…
  5. Make bad decisions.
  6. Are always questioning yourself.
  7. Are always apologizing to her.
  8. Think you’re always messing up.
  9. Make excuses to protect her bad behaviour.
  10. Think you’re too sensitive.
  11. Don’t think you deserve her or anyone.
  12. Think you’re not good enough.
  13. Think if you lose her you’ll be alone forever.

If you have three or more, you likely have low self-esteem regardless if she’s gaslighting you.

The question is: Are your self-worth issues because of your stinking thinking developed from perceptions about past traumas?

And / or —

Are your issues because she’s an overt or covert narcissist gaslighting you?

Overt narcissists are obvious in their poor treatment of you; covert narcissists tend to be more Sneaky Monkey manipulative in the ways they mistreat you.

Gaslighting Truth

The truth about whether these feelings are caused by you or her is somewhere in the middle, my friend.

The fact is, if your self-esteem was rock solid, you wouldn’t put up with this kind of mental and emotional abuse.

We teach people how to treat us.

That’s worth repeating…

If you are letting someone mistreat you—YOU are letting someone mistreat you.

Here’s another goodie…

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Nothing changes if you don’t change something.

And…

The Progression of Gaslighting

The longer it takes to make a change, the less likely you’ll be to get the desired result you want.

Gaslighters usually start subtly early in the relationship to gauge your reaction and up the ante as the relationship progresses.

In other words, if you’ve allowed her to get into the habit and pattern of mistreating you and now you want to switch tracks, well, that’s like trying to stop a train.

Going downhill.

With no breaks.

So, the sooner you nip it in the bud, the better for both of you.

If you don’t, there’s about a 95% chance you can’t and the only options are accepting the situation or breaking up and dealing with those consequences.

Ugh.

Ok, but now let’s see if she really is gaslighting you or if you’re a needy simp who has some seriously repressed emotional stuff to work on STAT.

Signs She’s Gaslighting Based on Her Words / Actions

Example 1 – Testing You

You’re chatting up a girl in a coffee shop and discover she loves pizza and casually mentions you should go sometime. (Meaning: go together.)

She say’s she’s free Thursday evening, but later when you text her to get together she says something like:

“I’m sure I told you I’m not available until Friday. That work?”

She might be disorganized or she might be gaslighting. Pink flag.

When you do try to get together to go for pizza, she says, “Oh, I’m on a diet, no pizza for me!”

You remind her she’s the one who suggested it and she gets pissy and says,

“No, I said YOU should go. And besides, a girl can change her mind, anyways—not that I did!”

You don’t know what to make of this and wonder if she’s crazy or stringing you along.

The flag is getting redder, my friend.

But then she suggests going to Cactus Club because they have great salads.

So you jump on it because at least she wants to get together.

Example 2 – I’m Not Crazy, You Are

Now you’re dating and want to start introducing her to your friends so you invite her to a friend’s BBQ event.

She says, “Sure” and you give her the event details of time and place.

But when you remind her of the BBQ the day before she says, “You know I don’t like crowds, bae.”

When you question her she says, “I must’ve been on my phone or something, I’d never have agreed to that.”

You react (any reaction even appearing dumbfounded or confused).

She gives a dramatic sigh and says, “Fine, if it’s that important to you then I’ll go, but you owe me.”

Maybe throwing in, “They don’t really like you, anyway. They just know you bring booze.”

You tell her everyone brings booze and she just shrugs it off unbelievingly or says, “Believe whatever you want if it makes you feel better” dismissively.

Example 3 – She be Fibbing

If you’ve been dating awhile, her gaslighting might escalate to outright lies.

“I told you I was going out with the girls on Friday.” She did no such thing.

“Why do you hate my friends? They like you. You’re so mean to me.” She’s projecting her own feelings.

“You said you’d buy me that purse for my birthday, but this is nice, too.” Um, no, you said if she got the raise, she should treat herself.

“Why do you always put me last on your list of priorities?” When she’s clearly first.

Hint: Be careful of using or hearing words like “always” and “never.” Pink flag.

Example 4 – Bait and Switch

“I asked you to fix the bookshelf why are you wasting time on the recycling?”

Um, no, she clearly said the recycling was irritating her the most.

You sigh in exasperation.

She says, “Don’t be so dramatic. I told you this a few days ago. That bookshelf is going to the Goodwill, anyway.”

Wait, what Susan?

She walks away saying over her shoulder, “Don’t be so sensitive.”

Or

“You’re trying to make me feel bad. Congratulations, it worked.”

Example 5: The 180

If she senses she’s gone too far and you’re going to leave her she’ll turn on the charm and make you believe you’re the mean one and lucky to be with her.

You toss the toolkit in the corner, grab your keys and stomp out without saying a word, mad as hell.

She calls after you, “Where are you going…?”

But you just slam the door and go full MIA for hours not reading or replying to texts or phone calls.

When you return, she’s made dinner and is wearing your favourite sexy lingerie.

She doesn’t apologize—or maybe she does—and tries to play off like nothing happened.

She may try to seduce you by whispering in your ear, “Let’s make up.” Wink wink nudge nudge.

Or ever so coquettishly, “You know I get a little crazy a few days before my period.”

So you either give in or you confront her and the cycle repeats itself.

Welcome to Gaslighter Crazyville!

Xo AJ

p.s. To avoid Crazyville, click here to get my WakeUP2Luv program and do the steps in it!

Watch:

Nice Guy’s Playlist

Narcissistic Women Playlist

Shit Test Playlist

Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything!


How to Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything

Being attractive to women isn’t only about physical qualities. In fact, how to attract a woman without saying anything starts with mindset!

Of course women notice physical qualities, but they are as, or more, influenced by personality traits.

If you happen to be good looking by society’s standards as well, then sure you have an advantage.

But if you don’t have standard good looks then you’ll need to develop the character traits women actually fall for and stay for.

And the way to attract a woman without saying anything relies on what you don’t say.

The Allure of Mystery

Women love mystery. Mystery makes us wonder what you’re about.

All you have to do to believe me is look at any Hollywood movie where the woman is googly-eyed over the hero.

What do Superman, Batman, James Bond, Borat 😉 all have in common?

Setting aside their Hollywood looks, megabucks and super power/s they’ve got…

Secrets!

Mystery gives women something to work for—finding out the secrets we think you keep from the world.

If a woman can get you to be vulnerable with her, it not only gives her ego a boost but she feels a 00-special bond with you because of it, because she believes she’s special.

You don’t share those intimate vulnerabilities with just any woman, after all.

The equivalent coup for a man is when a he has to wait for or work for physical intimacy with a woman.

You want her to give it up quick and easy, but you respect her more when she doesn’t.

You feel special because you believe she doesn’t indiscriminately share her body with every Tom’s Dick who shows up.

Intimacy — In To Me See

Keep in mind once you’ve locked down the right gal, you’ll have to keep the mystery alive to keep the relationship alive.

You’ll want offer enough crumbs of vulnerability to keep her engaged and happy without overdoing it.

Women think they want to know all your secrets and have you express all your vulnerabilities and fears with them, but in reality they get turned off if you provide too much of that.

Why?

Maternal Mode

Because as soon as she feels you becoming insecure, needy or dependent she goes into maternal mode.

Women are natural caregivers.

Like it or not, PC or not!, women are still the biological mothers of the world.

We want to care for you and nurture you with our gentle femininity once in awhile, but when we’re in that mode our libido takes a back seat.

Healthy relationships require men and women to share their vulnerabilities, fears and hopes, but it’s a delicate balance if you want to also maintain mutual physical attraction.

To know how and when to express your vulnerabilities while maintaining masculinity in her eyes, watch my video on How to Balance Masculinity with Vulnerability.

So, let’s go into some of the things you can say—or rather not say— to attract a woman without saying anything.

You’ll need to display all of these when you’re courting and dating and most of them when you’re in a committed relationship.

Tips on How to Attract a Woman Without Saying Anything

If you can pull off all of the following, it’s going to show up in your body language before you ever share your first, “Hello, Sexy.”

That’s why it all starts with mindset!

  1. Not “am I good enough” but “is she right enough.”
  2. Stay grounded, centred, masculine.
  3. Be in the present don’t focus on the future.
  4. Text is for info not convo (talk in person).
  5. Turn off “Read.”
  6. No texting until after work; min 1 hr if not working; no reply after 9pm.
  7. Don’t reveal everything all at once (feelings, future etc).
  8. Always leave them wanting more. #mystery
  9. Playful teasing sexual tension keeps you outta da #friendzone!
  10. Do not talk about exes. Just say, “I haven’t met the right one … yet ;)”
  11. Never trash talk anyone.
  12. Take 100% responsibility for your life.

Remember, you are the prize! But also remember not to take her for granted once you’ve got her or she’ll pull away or leave you.

If that’s happening, or to be proactive to make sure it doesn’t happen, watch my playlist on Why She Pulls Away and How to Get Your Ex Back.

How To Not Lose Yourself When Dating


Reading Time: 7 minutes

Dating Advice: How to not lose yourself when dating.

WOW!!! You have met someone and they have completely blown your mind. It might even seem too good to be true!

Conversation is incredible, chemistry is on fire and the connection runs deep.

But wait a minute, how did it get from “tell me your favorite color” to “planning our wedding favors” in a hot second?

Only a few weeks back, we were talking about what we enjoyed doing when we were kids, to now sharing a toothbrush! Okay… maybe not that far!

Whilst dating can sometimes have its challenges and be quite daunting and stressful because of the uncertainty of the whole situation, it can also be such an exhilarating time. You have the opportunity to get to know someone before you decide to take any next step to transitioning into a relationship.

How To Not Lose Yourself When Dating

“Pacing Not Racing”

Relationship Specialist Ivona Gordon uses the term “pacing not racing” when reviewing aspects of her life. This term can objectively be applied to matters of dating too.

It is not to say that there cannot be fast progress when you meet someone. That is for each individual to use their discernment based on their personal situation.

As quoted by Kira Cochrane: “And the only rule is that there are no rules.”

However, in most cases, one of the main purposes of dating is to appraise one another’s suitability and compatibility as a long term companion.

Do you share the same “core” values and common goals, dreams, and desires as the other person? Commonalities that can lead to sustaining a healthy, fulfilling, diamond-dazzling relationship with them? If there are differences, can you work together to appreciate and embrace them?

Have you allowed sufficient time to assess the person’s character? Do they have the ability to fulfill your needs, to treat you with love, respect, kindness, compassion, and understanding? Do they have the overall qualities and attributes you deserve from a significant other?

Remember, to attract your ideal love life, the responsibility for connecting starts with you. It begins with you having a strong, loving relationship with yourself, particularly as this sets the bar for any relationship you will have in the future.

Taking all of the above into account, here are 5 more strong considerations to factor in, to ensure that you do not lose yourself when dating and in any relationship that might develop:

1: Emotional Availability

Is the person emotionally available for you?

Everything in life starts with connection and this includes a relationship with a compatible significant other. We make a true relationship connection when our heart touches another heart. It is therefore difficult to have a healthy relationship without an emotional connection.

Identifying emotional unavailability is not always easy. Emotionally unavailable people tend to have trouble with their relationships, often maintaining some distance and desiring to date casually.

Emotionally unavailable people can make you feel amazing about yourself and have all of the intentions to be your ideal significant other. They can give you hope about creating a life with you, but when it comes to commitment and taking action, they are wishy-washy, offer false promises, and do not “show up” for you.

Not only that, if they are not long out of a previous relationship, are pining for their ex, family, or previous life, and/or have past traumas, you might find that their heart and mind will not be with you completely.

It is not your responsibility to make an emotionally unavailable person more available. This is their choice and they will need to explore the reasons why they cannot be “all in” with you.

Should you find that you are doing all of the relationship work and/or despite all of your efforts to build a solid connection with the person, they are choosing not to fully commit to you and you have spoken to them about your feelings and concerns, it is essential that you do not compromise your self-worth and your value by changing who you are to accommodate their unavailability.

You will need to honestly reflect upon whether the person is best serving the happiness and fulfillment you truly desire and deserve and is indeed right for you.

2: Art of Conversation

Effective, consistent communication and authentic connection are 100% vital when dating. This is particularly heightened during this current pandemic when a key component of dating such as meeting in person might be missing due to social distancing rules.

Communicating with integrity helps to build trust and confidence. This is why it is so important to master your online and offline conversations. This can be achieved by understanding your thoughts, feelings, and emotions and how the other person thinks and communicates.

This awareness helps you to know how you can adapt and improve your style in order to communicate well and deepen your emotional connection with them. During your conversations, ask yourself:

  1. How do I feel right now?
  2. What could the other person be feeling right now?
  3. How does the situation feel right now?

And remember to “Be All E.A.R.S.”

E…xplore by asking questions

A…ffirm to show you are deep listening

R…eflect your understanding

S…ilence, listen some more

Trust your gut and be open and honest in your conversations, whilst sharing at a pace comfortable for you. #PacingNotRacing

3: Set Healthy Boundaries

We all have needs and it is important to allow ourselves to feel that this is natural and okay.

What is not healthy is when you completely set aside what you want and need in an effort to please the other person, particularly if you do not think you have a choice.

If you realize their needs are being met far more often than yours are or they make you believe that you want what they want, it is time to set healthy boundaries.

You need to be crystal clear with the other person on who you are and what you want. You need to express your beliefs, your values, and your limits.

Knowing how to say “No” is a key way to set boundaries.

When effectively expressed, it allows you to step up and stand your ground whilst keeping a workable relationship.

Remember, if you say “Yes” when you mean “No” then you are denying your own needs. This leaves you powerless in the situation.

Your boundaries are imperative and deserve to be acknowledged and respected.

4: Keep Practising Self-Care

Your self-care on a daily basis is crucial. It is necessary to look after your physical, mental, and emotional well-being even whilst dating. Especially when you may find you have less time for yourself as you are spending more time connecting with the other person.

If you allow yourself to be depleted to the point where your physical and emotional tank is empty, everybody loses, including the other person and specifically YOU!

When you nurture yourself, you will have more nurturing to give to the other person.

Factoring in some ‘Me Time’ is a great source of self-care. ‘Me Time’ is anything that lights you up or fascinates you.

It could be going for a walk, a trip to the movies, or a night out with friends. Or having a massage or volunteering. It might be enjoying a long relaxing bath, pampering yourself at home, reading a book, or some personal development. Anything you enjoy!

‘Me Time’ is a chance to fully absorb yourself in what you are doing and celebrate you!

Spend quality and regular time following the passions that stir your soul and make your heart sing. Give you the ‘Me Time’ you are truly worthy of.

As a result, not only will this be of great benefit to you, it will enhance the quality of your dating experience and any relationship that will follow. Why? Because you will be feeling a high vibe!

5: Stay Connected With Others

You do not want to become ‘The Disappearing Act!’

The person who is a BFF or is there for people when you are single. But as soon as you start dating and enter into a relationship, you drop them abruptly.

Although it is normal to have less time and availability when you meet someone new, it is not okay for you to completely disappear only to re-emerge when in need. So be sure to continue to keep nourishing and making time for your existing connections and support networks, both personally and professionally.

Dating and relationships can have ups and downs. Many people find it beneficial to talk to someone about the highs and lows. Whether it is a friend, family member, support groups, online communities, or a professional, either to just bounce off ideas, share their excitement, or during more challenging times.

Surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, brighten your day, and make you feel better can be invaluable in navigating any uncertain moments.

It is critical to note that asking for help and talking things through is not a sign of weakness; it actually shows strength, bravery, and self-awareness. Furthermore, it helps strengthen your relationships and connection with the people you turn to. Whilst also allowing you to oversee the dating experience with perspective.

Final Note:

Here is a bonus nugget… daily affirmations are powerful for helping you to not lose yourself during dating and in your love, life, and relationships in general. One to get you started is:

“I AM the best at being myself.

I AM ready, receptive, and grateful for receiving all goodness in my life.”

Because YOU absolutely ARE!

Dating does not need to be rushed, particularly if you would like to attain a fuller picture of what the person is all about. It is key to manage each other’s expectations and understandings by having openness and transparency around how you would like to “date”, how you feel it is going, and the vision of a future relationship.

AND trust your intuition during the dating experience and any ensuing relationship. It is always right.

KNOWING that when you stay connected with your true personal power, you CAN achieve dating success and make your love life dreams a reality!

Latest posts by Teresha Young (see all)

Can You Make Her Want You More?


Make Her Want You More and More… Yes, you can make her want you more but there’s a caveat and you may not like it. Certain conditions need to apply to be able to make her want you or you’re just wasting your time, heart, loot and energy. So, if she doesn’t at least have […]

The post Can You Make Her Want You More? appeared first on Dating Coach for Men.