Project: 50 First Dates―Date #4: Women’s Safety


For Women’s Safety & Your Dating Success…

Women’s primary need with men is to feel safe, therefore women’s safety should be at the forefront of your mind when online dating.

If you’re new to my blog, several years ago when I had just started blogging about my relationship theories, I “took up” online dating as a sort of study.

And, yes, I did disclose up front (on my profile), that I was doing research.

A few good men took me up on the offer of a real fake date and in exchange I provided them with honest feedback, something you’ll rarely if ever get on a real real date.

If you haven’t read about dates one, two and three, you can find them here, here, and here.

Date #4: Women’s Safety

Dating site: match.com
Age: early 50s
Kids: none
Work: network management

Concerned Citizen messages me on match.com to see if I’m also seriously looking for a mate or selectively soliciting business.

I replied back, “You’ll get honest feedback. Might help with the next one.”

We exchanged a couple brief texts, then he suggested we go to an exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery, and if things went well, maybe lunch after. Like.

A couple days later―why drag it out―I arrived early at the VAG. I texted him to let him know. He worked nearby and agreed to meet me early.

When he arrived, we got right to it. (No, not “that” to it. Sheesh.)

I told him why I’d been away for a month (family member died), which lead to a heavy conversation right off. (My bad.)

But at least he’d similarly offered intimate insights of his life.

We chatted about online dating, and I remember him telling me, after some hesitation, “Women give too much away.”

I asked him, “What do you mean?”

He replied, “Well, this is going to sound creepy. No, I better not.”

Hint: When you say, “I’d better not say…” know that you’re going to have to say!

I prodded, “Now, you have to tell me! No judgments. I’m here to learn, too.”

And so he told me how easy it is to find out “who they are and where they live and work and …”

He closed with, “I’m not a stalker.”

I said, “Yeah, but that does sound creepy. I might not start an interaction with that.”

Our whole conversation felt factual more than emotional.

I took it to mean he was either reserved, shy or nervous. (He actually didn’t come across as creepy.)

He reminded me he was really not a stalker and didn’t know how to tell women to watch out for guys who are.

“I’ll write about it. Alert the ladies. Safety first, after all.”

We went to the VAG exhibit―theme: culture. Effect: creepy!

However, the array of way-out-there exhibits was def definitely intellectually stimulating.

After 90 minutes exploring two of the four floors of VAG, I was mentally exhausted with brain overload.

“That’s all I can handle.” I told him, referring to the exhibit, and he agreed.

We left the building, not speaking but silently absorbing what we’d experienced―at least I was. Even though I had somewhere else to be, I wanted to go home for a nap.

I gave him a hug, and we parted ways.

Concerned Citizen seemed like a great guy, but because of our convo “Creepy Citizen” was my associated feeling toward him. (Which I told him is how all women would feel.)

Takeaways:

  1. Artsy-fartsy cultural events provide for interesting amusement and stimulating conversation, but be sure to interact during the exhibition―your date is the main attraction, after all.
  2. If your date place is somewhere mentally rousing―not arousing, fellas―allot an hour maximum for that part so you have time and think-ability to chat after.
  3. Guys: Don’t do your “background checks” until you have a date secured―otherwise, that will creep women out and they’ll run like a scared hare.
  4. Incase any ladies are reading this: Be careful; there are weirdos out there! Do do your background checks first!
  5. Laughter is key especially on a first date. Though some serious topics can safely be discussed on Date #2, I’d skip the “women’s safety” and other deep convo on Date #1. Stick to mostly fun and playful.

I’m still getting over the bunny’s-head-on-big-stick exhibit. #creepy

If you want the map to better online dating during/post covid get my Double Your Online Dating video training today.

It’s short, sweet, compact and only $10US (price subject to change!), less than your next bad coffee date even if you go Dutch. 😉

If you’re offended (or Dutch), I won’t apologize for the non-PC remark, political correctness has gone too far.

xo Anna

Also! Check out this fab playlist on online dating, texting and long distance relationships!